No Such Thing
by identitytheft
Summary: Story old as time. Santana is madly in love with Brittany. Close enough to watch her dance, close enough to make out with her at parties, but why can't she just figure out how to get her close enough to be only hers? Slightly AU. Quinntana friendship.
1. Chapter 1

_Summer before Junior Year_

She was dancing.

Her hands ran through her blonde hair, her thin fingers ran down her face past her closed eyes, down to the scoop neck of her shirt. They ran sensually down her hips, to her legs. Her chest thrust with the bass, small beads of sweat glistened on her forehead. This was my B. This was the B I saw when I couldn't sleep, when I couldn't breathe, when all I could think about that I was in love with my best friend. _Christ, could she make it any harder? Focus, San._

"Santana! I said, single or double shot? Are you even listening to me?" Puck was standing in front of me holding a bottle of vodka. I felt the bass and the beat in my chest, and my hooded eyes were struggling to focus on the talking mohawk in front of me. I tried to focus on Puck but I couldn't keep my attention away from Brittany for more than a few seconds. It's been so hard lately to focus, especially when she moves her body like that.

I feel arms around my waist and a chin on my shoulder. "Make it a double, Puck! Pour me one, too!" The slightly slurred voice of Quinn Fabray floated past my ear. Her hair tickled my cheek. I thought about how much I liked the new Quinn – post-babygate Quinn. Although we were "best friends" before, I seemed to hold her away so she could never get quite close enough to me. She treated me the same. Lately, she's been different. Her delusional worldview and intense need for popularity seemed to have cracked. She's pleasant, at least to her close friends. She even made a point to use Berry's real name. Sometimes.

Puck set out four tall shot glasses, sloppily pouring vodka into them. A new song came over the speakers. Loud, powerful bass struck through my chest and I watched the liquor vibrate in the glasses (what liquor Puck managed to get into them). Through the people, I saw a flip of blonde hair. It crossed my mind that Brittany's favorite song of the week was now playing. I was immediately drawn to her; I couldn't have changed the direction I was walking, even if I tried. "San!" Puck yelled from behind me. I held up a finger. I knew he loved watching me walk away. He knew I'd be back to gets my booze on.

She was standing facing away from me. Guys were dancing around her. Guys were always dancing around her. The beauty of Britt was that here, in her element, she was off in her own little world. I saw her body move with the beat. Her hands were back in her hair, running her blonde locks sexually over her face. I slipped closely behind her. The beauty of high school parties is that if I want to dance with her, I can. Two of the hottest cheerleaders next to each other dancing closely almost always got me free booze. Add Quinn into the mix, we could have whatever we wanted. Britt tensed up for a second as she felt hands sliding down her hips. She turned her head to look at who was behind her and smiled brightly at me. "San! I thought you were getting us drinks!" she spoke into my ear. God, this music was loud. I could barely hear her, and I pulled her closer to talk.

I brought my lips to her ear. "I did! Puck's pouring them now. Q's gonna take one with us – come back with me?" I held her hand in the air and led her to the kitchen. There are boys in jerseys around us, clinking their beers together. "Gonna be a show tonight, Santana? Did I have to pay at the door?" A football player yells towards us, laughing as he spoke. I saw them high five. Sometimes I liked to have fun with Britt at these parties. The booze started flowing, we were both free, and we would dance with each other or make out. Brittany didn't know how much I liked it. I held up my free hand in the air and stuck my middle finger in the air as we walked away.

As we entered the kitchen, Brittany bound away from me and latched on to Quinn. "Q! Taking shots from the shot fairy!" she stumbled, giggling in Quinn's ear. Quinn laughed. "Britt, let's get our drunk on." I watched my friends, grinning in my head. I've done some shitty things in my life, but how I ended up one corner of the unholy trinity, I'll never understand. How I ended up in love with another corner, I'm still working through that. It was getting harder and harder to shrug off these thoughts. I watched Brittany snake her hand holding her shot through Quinn's arm. "It's like our wedding shots! You drink mine, I'll drink yours!" she was giggling again, like it was the funniest thing in the world. I reminded myself how dangerous it is to have Puck as a bartender and mentally decided to keep an eye on my friends.

"To hot chicks and good booze!" Puck yelled, tossing back his vodka. I threw mine back. I've always been a straight, no chaser kind of girl. _Although I'm certainly rethinking the straight part…_ I chuckled at my own internal joke. B and Q had managed to get most of the booze into their mouths, but Brittany had quite a bit down the front of her shirt. "San! I'm gonna smell like booze!" she said, as Quinn was laughing, clutching her stomach. I felt B slip her hand into my back pocket. God, she was flirty when she was drunk. I felt the familiar pinch in my stomach I felt any time she was this close.

Finn came lumbering up with Rachel under his arm. A very sober Rachel. I could tell because she had the wherewithal to smirk at all of us, especially at Quinn, still doubled over with laughter. I could tell Finn wasn't sure what to do. He wanted to drink and have fun, but he also wanted to get some… I could see the wheels working in his brain trying to figure out how to achieve both. Big oaf couldn't tell Rachel wasn't having fun. I almost shot her a sympathetic look. Instead, "Hi dwarfkins. Vodka shot?" came out of my mouth.

"Santana, I don't need to remind you that alcohol is bad for my singing voice. I must be on the top of my game if we're going to win Nationals this year." I knew she was still talking, but I had long stopped listening. Britt's other hand was resting on the top hem of my shorts, hovering above the button. I could feel her fingers on my bare stomach where my shirt had ridden up and her eyes on my lips. "Santana?" Berry was still talking to me. I scowled.

"Rupaul… I don't know what you're saying." Quinn giggled as I spoke. She may have been trying to turn over a new leaf, but she couldn't help but chuckle that the name she had exasperatedly thrown at Berry freshman year stuck so hard. Not sure what Quinn's problem was with the girl. It had just become something we did. She was annoying, sure, but she wasn't that bad. Rachel looked to Finn. "Let's go. I told my dads I would be home by 12." I looked at the clock on the wall. 11:45pm. _Good timing, dwarf._

Puck high-fived Finn as he walked out towards the door. _Dough nipples wasn't getting any tonight, that was for sure._ Azimio and some football guys walked up to the island Puck was leaning on. "Let's get some drinking games going, man!" he yelled, smacking Puck on the back.

"Ladies choice!" Puck responded. _Puck, always the lady pleaser_. "Baby momma! Pick the game." He looked to Quinn. She deliberated for a second, mulling it over in her head. "Beer pong. You're going doooowwwnnn, Puck. Unholy trinity versus you and a friend, your choice. Stack 'em up!" _Man, Q really was trashed_. _She hated beer. Wine coolers were always more her thing. Well, they were._

Azimio was high-fiving his buddies. Brittany was clapping excitedly, and I tried my best to maintain a smirk. "Where's Sam? Sam, my man, get over here." Puck dragged him over. "It's on!" Sam was pretty good at beer pong. There was a table behind Finn's garage that the boys had deemed the scoreboard – Sam and Puck had more points carved into that tabletop than anyone. Quinn wasn't far behind though. _Surprising how that chick can be so good at beer pong._

I watched them set up the cups and shuddered, feeling Britt's hand on my bare back. She had slipped her hand under my shirt. She looked at me, trying to give me an innocent look. I know what she's thinking. We've had sweet lady kisses enough times for me to know what she wants. I just hoped she kept herself grounded long enough for us to win this game, leave this party, and collapse in my bed. Sometimes I let myself think that she wants us, that it isn't just a game to her, that it doesn't just feel good. That there are feelings for her, too. Sometimes I think otherwise. _God, sometimes I think too much._

The game progressed excitedly. I wasn't Sam good at this game, but I could hold my own. B was a little too drunk to be incredibly useful to the team, with her throwing skills at least. _Quinn must be some kind of hustler. How does she even get these skills? Not like you regularly practice beer pong-like talents._ She's sunk three balls in a row, and the boys were greedily drinking their cups. Puck lofted a ping pong ball, sailing it right into the front cup. "Oh! Get it Sam, front cup, come on!" Puck smacked Sam on the back.

If there was anything Brittany knew how to do extremely well, it was be seductive. Quinn had taught her the basics of this game a few parties ago, and although she wasn't that great at tossing the balls in, she was AMAZING at defensive maneuvers. I looked over to see Brittany lower her chest to the front cup, scoop neck t-shirt falling. _The view those boys must be getting_… a shiver ran through my spine. Brittney is touching her chest now. "Come on, Sam. Right in the cup!" she teased. Puck's mouth was open. Sam was holding the ball in his hand, ready to throw. He swallowed a few times, and let it fly. It bounced off the table, past Brittany's giggling grasp.

The game went on in a heated fashion. Of course, it comes down to one cup each. My toss missed. Britt's missed. In true Quinn fashion, the ball hit the rim and went in. "Rebuttal! REBUTTAL!" Puck is yelling as if his manhood was at stake.

Sam missed his toss, almost hitting Quinn in the face. He sheepishly apologized from the other end of the table. Puck was stretching, shaking out his arms and looking like a fool. As if he were about to perform some kind of miracle. The boys surrounding the table were hooting and hollering, thinking Puck had it in the bag. Hoping that Puck had it in the bag. It felt like one of those cheesy moments in the movies where time slows down.

I look over and see B whisper something into Quinn's ear. I watch as Quinn giggles and pushes B towards me. She stumbles a bit, and I catch her. Brittany looks back over her shoulder to Q, who nods at her. _God, she is so close. And she smells so good… I can't…" _My thoughts are interrupted by her voice. She doesn't interrupt only me. Puck stops his preshot rituals to listen to her. Most guys had learned when B is intoxicated, she says something good… something worth listening to. "Think you can shoot through this, Puck?"

Everything is happening faster than my alcohol-dulled senses can even comprehend. Quinn is giggling and catcalling. The boys start to hoot at the same time I feel B's strong arms snake up my back, over my shoulders, and into my hair. She comes close enough to stare into my eyes, pleading, quickly asking for an okay, looking for anything in me that screams stop. _There's screaming, Lopez. It isn't saying stop. _I grin and pull my lip with my teeth. B takes this as all the okay that she needs. She slowly envelops my lips with hers. She bites onto my lower lip and I feel her fingers crawling on my scalp. The space between our hips is gone… she's in my space, I can smell her, feel her. My brain is nagging me through the fog of the booze. This doesn't feel like a kiss between best friends. I'm conscious of the way my heart is beating faster, my temperature rises, and the pinch returns. I push my thoughts back and deepen the kiss, putting my hands on her face. She breaks the kiss to drag her lips down to my neck… my eyes flutter. She knows she's moving towards that spot on my neck…_ oh God._ I force my eyes open and turn to look at Puck. He's loosely holding the ball in his hands. I throw my hands up as if to say, bring it on, and watch as he awkwardly adjusts himself before he tries to refocus. With one final glance at B, who's nibbling on my earlobe, he tosses the ball. B bites down, one more time, before sliding away from me. I see her smoldering stare before she turns completely away. She meant for me to see it.

The ball sailed and circled the rim of the cup. What would this game be without some excitement? Quinn is there in seconds, blowing into the cup. Foam from the beer is on her nose, but the ball is rolling across the table. The few girls that had been watching the game cheered, the boys groaned, and Puck sunk to his knees in mock defeat. I watched B swipe the foam from Quinn's face with her finger. It seemed flirtatious to me. This was why I fought myself about reading into B. _I just don't know. _

Puck stands and comes to hug Q. With an arm around her shoulders, he grabs the cup from the table and downs it. "Baby mama, that was hot. You can be on my team anytime." Quinn laughs and continues speaking to Puck. The boys had dispersed, many going back to watch the ladies on the dance floor. I feel a tug at my pinkie. B is taking me over to the dance floor… I watch her walk in front of me. Her hips are swaying… _she knows I'm watching._ _Two can play at this_. I reached forward and playfully cupped her ass.

She reached her desired spot on the floor and turned towards me. I loved looking into her crisp blue eyes. I loved dancing with her any way, but I especially liked when she faced me. I became distinctly aware of the ebb and flow of the bass, but not only because I could hear and feel it. I could see it. I could see B embody the music. I could see her start to move with the music in the most sensual way. I can dance, but what Brittany does isn't just dance, though, it's fluid movement. She is the music. _And God, it makes you feel the music._ We weren't dancing incredibly close, but she was dancing with me. A guy came up; I think he was from the polo team. I glared at him. He leaned over to speak in B's ear. _Back off, asshole._

I watched as B laughed and spoke back to him. He made a face, but walked away with a complaint. B sidled up to me, closer than before. She laced her hands around my waist and pulled our hips together. I could feel her breath on my neck. "What'd you say, B?" I said to her. _How did she let him down so smooth?_ Her breath was now tickling my ear… I swear I felt her tongue slip across my earlobe. "I told him I was already dancing with the hottest person in the room." Her face pulled away just as my heart was melting. _Be cool, Lopez. Jesus, be cool._


	2. Chapter 2

I pulled out my cell phone. It was after 2 in the morning. _Fuck, I am tiiiired._ Quinn was lying on Puck's couch, her legs stretched over Britt's lap. B was drawing designs into Quinn's legs with her fingers. Quinn was playing on her phone. At least I thought she was. _Is her phone upside down? _Puck was sitting on the recliner across from the girls, playing with his empty beer can. _How many did he have?_ I thought back to last summer where he thought he could open a beer can with his teeth by chewing around the top. There was so much blood as Puck cut his lip on the jagged can. He chose to use the battle wound approach and girls were flailing over him all night.

Most of the people had left the party or were on their way out. I watched Puck get up to say goodbye to the last people leaving, closing the door behind them. "See you later, guys!" he yelled as they left. He came back to sit in his chair, grabbing a new beer on his way back.

"So, which of you lovely ladies is sleeping in my bed tonight?" Puck asked, wiggling his eyebrows. He chuckled as he said it, but I knew he was only half kidding. I knew B and I would be walking home, and laughed at his chances at Q getting anywhere near his bed. Right on cue, B leaned over to talk to a still intoxicated Quinn. "Q, are you gonna stay here tonight still?" Quinn had told us earlier she would probably just crash somewhere in the Puckzilla mansion so she could sober up and drive home in the morning. I saw Puck's eyes light up for a second, but I knew he respected (and loved) this girl too much to try anything.

"Yeah, I'll just sleep on the couch and leave in the morning. I don't want to leave my car here," Quinn said, closing her eyes. I'm pretty sure she was already half asleep. She pulled her legs from B's lap and curled into the couch. Puck got up to grab her some blankets and a pillow. B stood up and stretched, stumbling as she reached the peak of her stretching. _Wow, she still is drunk!_ I couldn't tell if I was excited or nervous to take a drunk B home to my bed. She giggled as she righted herself.

"Call me tomorrow, Q. I gotta go shopping before school starts," I spoke to her, leaning over to pound her knuckles just as Puck returned with the bedding. "Q, you can have my bed if you want," he offered. _He was so chivalrous to her. It's almost… cute. _I watched her refuse as she made up her bed. B asked her if she was going to be okay, and leaned down to hug her and kiss her cheek as Quinn responded she would be fine and we should get out of here. I saw Puck disappear to the kitchen and return with a glass of water he set next to Quinn.

We thanked Puck for the good night and I walked towards the door with B behind me. The door shut behind me and I felt the warm August air all over my skin. It was quiet aside from the crickets, and the moon and stars lit up the night. I loved the nighttime. It was beautiful, and I loved the quiet. I got my best thinking done during nights like these, often lying in my backyard next to the pool.

B reached forward and linked her arm through mine. I saw she had grabbed my sweatshirt I brought with to Puck's and put it on before we left. I loved seeing her in my clothes. When she would come over, I would have to watch her. She was sneaky, thieving my shirts or sweatshirts, claiming they were the best to lounge in on the weekends because they still smelled like me. _Could she be more adorable? _I refused to let myself believe this meant anything. I was tired of getting my hopes up.

We fell into a comfortable silence as we walked the few blocks to my house. I loved that Puckerman lived so close, just for that fact. I could drink as much as I wanted and (providing I didn't drink so much I couldn't stand… _oh man, that night with the tequila…)_ could walk home and sleep in my own bed. I think I loved the fact that B lived closer more. In fact, her house was only a couple of blocks further than mine, but her parents would be home and mine weren't. She was going to sleep at my house, like she usually did after parties. My parents weren't home that often on the weekends. My dad was a doctor and worked all the time. My mom had business meetings all over the US. I did alright by myself, and if I ever needed anything, my aunt and uncle lived right on the other side of town. I was close with my aunt.

I looked over at B. She was definitely still drunk, but she was gorgeous. She had her hair in a loose ponytail that was flipped over the front of her shoulder. Her long tanned legs (as tan as B could be in the summer) were hard to miss. I smiled and closed my arm tighter around hers. _All of this is gonna be in my bed… soon._

We reached my porch and I dug through my purse for my keys. B had lost a flip-flop coming up the stairs and was now giggling trying to put it back on. She wasn't a quiet person to begin with, and when she was drunk, she only upped the amplitude. For fear of her waking every neighbor within a six-block radius, I grabbed her arm and put my thumb on her lip, maybe a bit more sensually than I meant to. "Oh! Sorry, Sanny… I know I'm supposed to be sooo quiet, I forgot! I lost my shoe!" I dropped my head and grimaced. She was apologizing… loudly. I looked up at her, grabbed her shoe, and smiled as I opened the door.

I walked to the kitchen and grabbed B a glass of water. She sat on a barstool at the counter, watching me. I would glance back at her, occasionally. The second time I looked back, B's eyes were all over my body. I watched as crystal blue started at my thighs, up my ass, and hovered at my boobs. The cleavage was undeniable. _Damn, I knew I liked this bra…_ I bit back a smile and set the glass in front of her. Lowering my face down to her, I said, "Drink this, baby B. I'm gonna get you some ibuprofen." She started to drink it and I gave her 4 tablets. I knew after drinking like this, she woke up with a nasty hangover. I filled her glass again and had her drink it. When she finished, I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the stairs. I felt B lace her fingers through mine. My heart soared in my chest, but I mentally condescended myself. _Come on, S, you know she's drunk. _That didn't stop it from confusing me.

B walked into my room and went immediately for my dresser. Before I could turn around, she had the sweatshirt off and was pulling off her shirt. As she stretched her arms up, I could see every taut muscle rippling in her abdomen. _Someday, I should write an anonymous letter to thank B's mom for keeping her in dance. God… damn. _With her shirt stuck on her head, I gained a few more seconds to stare unabashedly. The way her hip bones jutted and cut, leaving definition going down into her shorts, the way her abs were softly defined, the small mole on her lower abdomen, the tender underside of her breasts visible under her bra… _the pinch was coming back._ B was putting on a t-shirt she found in my drawer. I saw one of my favorite worn old college t-shirts (that used to be my dad's until I stole it) made its way over the masterpiece that was Brittany S. Pierce. I loved that shirt, but I knew it would come back in a week or so, smelling like B. She just peeled off her shorts, leaving her in adorable Superman underwear. I was with her when she bought them. I knew they were her favorite. She bounded into my bed, smiling at me as she snuggled into her spot. I closed and locked my window.

I grabbed my pajamas and slipped into the bathroom. I felt sweaty and gross from Puck's but I knew I could just shower in the morning. I brushed my teeth and washed my face, went to the bathroom, and changed into my pajamas. I was antsy and shuddering in anticipation. Being in the same bed with B never failed to make me feel excited and carefree. Doesn't matter if we've slept in the same bed hundreds of times before – I never lost that excitement. I don't think I ever will.

I looked at myself in the mirror quickly before leaving. _Looking good, Lopez. _I wasn't necessarily vain, but I hadn't heard any complaints before. Shrugging slightly, I shut off the light and walked back through to my room. I heard her before I saw her. I always made fun of her because when she was drunk, she snored and sounded like a god damned elephant. She didn't ever believe me the next morning, either. _That's not true, Sanny. Only boys snore, everyone knows that._ I sighed, seeing her cuddled into my pillow. I would have to move her or there wouldn't be room for me to sleep.

I lightly snuck into the bed. B stirred and looked at me with her sleepy and glossy eyes. "I was just warming up your side," she said to me cutely. I lay down and smelled her all over my pillow. Every little part of her made my insides stir. _I am so in love with her. _I tried to push those thoughts back. I was still coming to terms with it and didn't know what it meant. B didn't feel the same way, I was sure. I spent so long telling her that what we did, what we had, meant absolutely nothing. _Dammit, Lopez, I wish I could punch you in the god-damned face. _Looking at B, watching her look at me with her sleepy eyes, all I wanted was to stay in this bed forever. As I lay down, she gave me a second to get comfortable and then snuggled into me. _She just fits. _She put her head on my shoulder and laced her leg over me. Exhaling, her breath tickled my neck. I could feel her lips ghosting on my skin. Her arm reached over me; she grasped some of my t-shirt into her fist. Everything felt perfect. _Although she's being strangely self-controlled. I kind of thought she was going to be all over me._

Just as easily as the perfection set in, it was pulled from under me like a rug and a cruel joke. She whispered lazily into my ear. "Don't forget to wake me up in the morning, okay, S? Don't let me sleep all day. I'm meeting Artie at the mall around noon." I nodded so she could feel it, feeling stinging in my eyes. _How can she feel so damn close but really be so far away? _

I loosely draped my arm over her body, keeping her close to me. She was snuggled tightly to me. "Love you, S. Good night," she whispered against my ear. I stared at the window. I could feel her breathing change, and feel her heart slow against my chest. When B falls asleep, she twitches. It used to scare me, now I love it – I know when she's slipping away from me into her own dreamland. I felt her fist clamp and unclamp around my shirt, felt her legs slightly quiver. As the time passed, I just stared at the window. I noticed she had completely relaxed; she was fully asleep. Every time she exhaled, I smelled vodka. I thought of our night.

I don't know what this thing was with her and Artie. They had been hanging out and if I were to define it, I would say they were casually dating. She seemed to care about him, but I never brought it up to ask her any questions about it. It was like my own personal torture. When she wasn't with me in school, she was with him. Sitting in his chair, getting rides to class. Staring at him in Glee club. What was the worst, is when she wasn't staring at him, she was staring at me. I got glances and smiles that no one else got. She confused me, so much. We used to have sweet lady kisses all the time. Since she was with Wheels McGee, it had become less frequent. I felt like we were returning to what a friendship should actually be, and I hated every fucking minute of it. Never miss what you had until its gone? I felt like B was gone or going, and I felt pained about it. I could still feel her want, though. She would linger with looks or touches when we would hang out, and I could see the fire in her eyes. Almost like she was in the same place I was, but I couldn't let myself think that. I wanted her. I felt like she wanted me. Maybe she was confused about what it meant to be with Artie (I mentally gagged) and maybe, if she felt something towards me. Lopezes kept feelings bottled deeper than the Grand Canyon, so we weren't just going to have a conversation about it any time soon. But I knew that everything I was noticing about her, everything I was feeling, was leading me to believe that I was SO in love with this girl. I would keep swallowing my feelings. _Duh._

I snapped out of my personal hell to the sound of the branches scratching against my window. The perfect placement of that tree led to so many memories, I was so glad it was there. I thought back to the first time someone climbed through that window, right into my bed. I almost beat them with the first thing I could grab (my alarm clock, that would have worked real well) until I realized it was a shivering B, wet from the rain and with pain in her eyes. I thought back to that first night she climbed through the window and let the memories melt into dreams as I fell asleep, falling into rhythm with Britt's soft inhale and exhale.


	3. Chapter 3

_Summer before Ninth Grade_

I've shared my bed with Britt tons of times. Nothing was weird about it; best friends did that all the time. I've known this girl since I was two. We went to the same nursery school and our moms were good friends. Naturally, we hung out a lot. As we grew up, no one ever understood B like I did. I ended up sticking up for her a lot. Other kids can be assholes.

I ferociously cared about her. I punched a boy in the teeth over recess because he called B retarded. I saw the tears well up in her eyes and a crimson red flashed through my own. The pain was blinding, but I made that little shithead cry and through B's tears, she looked up at me with the most loving smile… I forgot the pain.

Things started to change; it's difficult for me to pinpoint exactly when. Before our bodies even began changing, I was noticing her more. How I wanted to be around her all the time, how closely linked our feelings were, how her family felt like my own. I lived and breathed to make her happy. I never thought much about it. She was my B, she was my best friend. Isn't that how it's supposed to go?

I was sleeping, soundly. Embarrassingly, I was wearing my dad's oversized college t-shirt and some underwear. I've always been a light sleeper. I also change my temperature when I sleep like a freaking chameleon changes colors. I'll go to sleep and be freezing, piling every blanket in my room on, immersing myself in a cocoon. I'll wake up in the middle of the night and be sweltering and kick off down to the sheets and make sure one leg is sticking out, just so I don't get too hot.

It was storming. I loved storms. B hated them. I called them the most perfect sleeping weather. I had my window cracked. I had removed the screen months before and hidden it under my bed. I loved to crawl out the window to the huge oak tree and stare out at all the cookie-cutter houses in my cookie-cutter town. If my mother ever saw me… I would be fucking toast. As I fell asleep, I could hear the thunder. The lightning lit up my entire room. It was a huge storm.

As a light sleeper, it didn't take me long to hear the sounds outside the house. Something didn't quite match up with the storm. Have you ever sat up in bed, coming completely out of sleep, and all your skin is crawling? Something is off, and you can somehow feel it? I sat straight up and stared around my room. I could hear the rain falling on my roof… it was coming down hard. A huge bolt of lightning scattered across the sky. I shivered at the cold and almost shut my window. I didn't.

I didn't see anything weird. I just had a feeling. I was freaked out. I felt my pulse quicken and heard the noise again. I reached blindly for something to protect myself with, but then silence came. Nothing was happening. _Grow up, Lopez._ With nothing to pique my curiosity any more, I just shrugged it off and grabbed the blankets from the end of my bed and pulled them up. I was suddenly shivering, frozen to the core. I pulled them up over my head and tried to go back to sleep.

I hadn't closed my eyes for more than a few seconds when I heard noises again. The branches were scratching at my window, but it definitely sounded like more than just wind. I sat up and turned to face my window. Lightening flashed with perfect timing, and I saw B. Her blonde hair was plastered to her face. Her clothes were soaked, but she was there, in my window. I quickly opened it wide enough for her to come in. As she got closer, I saw something was wrong, very wrong.

"B? What's going on? Are you okay?" I whispered frantically, reaching up to pull her in and enveloping her with my comforter. Tears were streaming down her face. "San…" she whined out. I was distraught… _what happened to my B?_ Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, and her chest was heaving. I put my hands around her forearm… I just wanted to touch her in some way, hoping my hands could channel away some of the pain. My B was sitting on my bed, cross-legged. Water was dripping from her chin and her muddy shoes were on my bed. "It's nanna…" she whispered out, barely saying the words.

I knew Britt's grandma had cancer. She was going through chemotherapy until they told her it wasn't working. The cancer had spread and they couldn't do much more for her. She chose to spend her time at home with her husband, her children, and her grandkids. B was over there constantly. I don't want to say it seemed like she was going to get better, but so much time had passed, it seemed, since she came home, I kind of forgot the gravity of the situation. That she was just waiting for her time to head out, instead of healing and getting better.

B was shivering. Tears were still pouring from her eyes. "Do your parents know you're here, B?" I asked her. Cloudy, crystal blue met my eyes. The pain was so evident it took my breath away. I knew the answer was no. Another shiver passed through her, more violent than the last. "Come on, baby B… let's get you into some dry clothes." She was clinging to me as I tried to get up. I pulled her to the edge of my bed. She watched me with such sad eyes; I felt powerless. This much emotion was so anti-Lopez. It was hard for me to breathe.

Without thinking, I stood up and pulled off my t-shirt. I was in my underwear and a sports bra in front of her, but the thought didn't cross my mind. Reaching into my dresser drawer, I pulled out a pair of sweats and another t-shirt that I quickly pulled on. Grabbing B's hand, I led her to the bathroom. Pulling my towel off the rack, I dried her face. "Here, B. Dry off with this and put on these clothes. I'll be waiting right outside." I pulled the door closed and went to sit on my bed. I reached for my phone. _B's parents must be freaking if they don't know where she is. _**B is here and safe. Is it cool if she stays the night? **In less than 30 seconds, my phone buzzed. **I hoped she would go to your house. Yes, call me if you need something, Santana. **As I pulled up the message, B walked out with her arms crossed tightly over her chest. She seemed to be calmed down. She was breathing normally, but the tears were still streaming down her face.

"Papa called my dad. I got up to listen to what they were saying because I thought it was so weird that someone would call so early in the morning. I just heard my dad cry, and then I ran here, Sanny. The walls were just closing in so fast." I pulled her down on my bed and into a tight hug. We sat like this for forever, it seemed. My new shirt was damp from her tears. I could feel the wetness on my chest. My arms were wrapped around her, but suddenly, it didn't feel like we were so untouchable. I always thought I protected her so well. I couldn't do anything to stop this.

The crying had to be physically exhausting. I pulled the sheet and blankets down so that we could scoot underneath them. Pulling my pillow over so we could share it, I softly laid B down and pulled up the covers. I snaked my arm around her so she wouldn't feel alone. I felt her back up into me, snuggling closer. I rubbed small circles on her stomach through the fabric of her shirt. B seemed calmer than she was when she was perched on the tree branch outside my window. I heard her softly speak. "Sanny… if we love people so much, why do they have to leave? Why do things have to happen that take people away from us? I didn't even say I loved her the last time I was there. I meant to, but I got distracted by my sister and instead I just gave her a stupid wave. How did she know that I even loved her?" I couldn't believe the wrenching in my heart. B was slowly breaking apart in my arms.

I rolled her over to me and saw the unshed tears in her eyes growing, multiplying, falling down her raw cheeks. Before I could even comprehend what I was doing, I was leaning down and peppering her eyes with kisses. Light as a feather, I was kissing away her tears, not noticing how my own were mingling in with hers. I realized what I was doing and pulled back slightly, expecting B to act weirded out. _Friends don't do this, even in super emotional situations... _panic suddenly flowed through my head._ She needed help and you're kissing her? What the fuck, Santana?_ The panic must have been showing in my eyes, because B reached her hand up and cupped my cheek. "Sanny, I don't want to ever wave at you again. What if tomorrow you're not here?" She stopped to breathe; the tears were back. "Santana, I will always love you." Before I could even reason away that B was just saying this because she was an emotional wreck and on the verge of a complete breakdown, I felt her soft lips on mine. It was quick and simple, but one of the tenderest kisses I have ever felt in my life (or will ever feel). That was the first time I had ever kissed Brittany S. Pierce, and I knew it would happen again. Just like there's the eerie feeling that something is going bump in the night, there's the premonition that something just happened that's supposed to happen again to you in the future. You're on the brink of something amazing, but you're just not ready for it to happen yet.

_Back to Present Day_

I felt the tear slide down my face as the dream, the memory, pulled me out of my slumber. _Oh my god, Lopez, for real? Get your shit together! _I felt the dull ache of a starting hangover plow through my brain. I became acutely aware of the presence in my bed. Looking over, I saw the same girl from that night, scared and sad. I also saw something different (_besides the smokin' rack)_ in her. She has grown up and still never waves goodbye to me. She's weird like that, but I love how her brain works.

B is still sleeping, and by the looks of it she'll sleep soundly until I wake her. Girl can sleep like a rock – through a hurricane, tornado, you name it… B will sleep through it. Turning my head toward my nightstand, I looked at the clock. 5:50am. _Seriously?_ I was thinking too much to go back to sleep. I was doing this a lot lately. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. She doesn't feel the same way. She is my best friend. She would never expect for me to be in love with her. I don't get why I feel unhappy that she isn't returning my feelings. I've told her every time we've had sex that I just needed to get off, or that kissing her was just something to pass the time. It doesn't mean anything, B. _What is wrong with me?_ I knew I deserved the pain and confusion. I just wanted nothing more than her in my arms, and at the end of the day, I knew I wanted only her. _But for some reason, she wants Saddleshoes. _I practically pushed her to him. Dammit.

I had to slowly push B's leg from over me and release my shirt from her grasp. She continued sleeping soundly and rolled over away from me, making a cute noise as she turned. _Ugh, stop watching her sleep, you pedo._ Turning away from the bed, I stripped off my pajamas. Reaching into my drawer, I grabbed a hot pink sports bra – I'm nothing if I'm not flashy – and an old pair of soccer shorts. B always said she liked these ones the best since they were white and see-through. I couldn't help it that I always chose to wear them whenever we worked out together. I considered a shirt, but it's already hot outside. I'll sweat more than I want if I pile on the layers.

When my head is screaming at me and I just can't separate all the thoughts, I like to run. It clears my head. I throw my hair up into a messy ponytail and grab my running shoes. Since I know she won't wake up, I kiss B tenderly, right on her cheek, devastatingly close to her lips. "I'll always love you, B," I whisper softy. I sneak out the door and sit on the stairs for a second. I just need the world to be quiet. I lace up my shoes extra tight, and slink down the stairs to the front door. _I just need the world to be quiet._


	4. Chapter 4

**The sun goes down, the stars come out, and all that counts, is here and now. My universe will never be the same… I'm glad you came. **The Wanted – Glad You Came

My feet were burning. I knew I had run further than my usual path, but I'd forgotten how far I'd gone. Making the loop back to my house, I knew I had a good mile left to go. Pushing my pace, I kept going, left, right, left, right. The slight pain felt good… I knew I would be sore in the morning. _Oh well… makes that Cheerios outfit fit even better. _Practice started next week. Couldn't hurt to try and get in even better shape before the brimstone and fire of Sylvester's hell week commenced. I was sweaty and hot. _God, it's like a sauna out here. _

Slowing down to a jog, I entered my neighborhood. I passed by all the houses of neighborhood kids. Before Auntie Snix ever reared her ugly head, I was friends with most of the kids that lived in these clapboard houses. B still said hi to many of them. Popularity became way more important than playing ghost in the graveyard with pimply Tucker who lived down the street. Dog eat dog social world out there – kill or be killed. I only regretted my decisions in my most profound moments. _I gotta stop thinking so much._

I reached my front door and started stretching. I was literally dripping sweat. _Gross, Lopez._ I stopped the stopwatch on my watch and checked out the time. Almost 8. I knew B would still be sleeping. _Still wouldn't hurt to be quiet. _I opened the heavy walnut-colored door quietly, stopping in the kitchen for a bottle of water. Closing the fridge as quietly as I could, I tiptoed up the stairs. I avoided that spot that I had found out long ago was incredibly creaky. One night freshman year I tried to sneak out my house to hang out with Quinn, Finn and Puck. Quinn had texted to say they were waiting outside. I was looking hot. I snuck out of my room and landed right on the squeaky floorboard. Let me tell you – it isn't a minor squeak. My mother, who normally sleeps like Brittany does, was in the doorway to my parent's room in seconds. It's like she was waiting for me to sneak out. _Come on, I'm trustworthy. Dios mio. _Anyway, I avoided the creak now while going into my room. I've become quite good at a little skip-hop to get over it.

I opened my door as quietly as I could and snuck in to my dresser. _I need a hot shower… I feel like I smell like Puck's fucking gym socks._ Ruffling through my dresser, I grabbed some clothes to put on. My hand slid over B's shirt she had worn the night before. Before I could realize how god damn lame I was, I was lifting it to my nose to smell it. Of course, there was the smell of stale beer, but it also smelled like her. _What the hell is the matter with you? _I put the shirt back on top my dresser and carefully closed the drawer.

I turned around and honestly, jumped fifty feet in the air and screamed like a little bitch. Sleeping beauty wasn't sleeping like a rock on my bed; she was leaning against the door to the adjacent bathroom with her arms crossed and a smirk on her face. When she saw my outburst, she laughed so hard I couldn't help but laugh, too. My heart was pounding and racing. _Fuck, screw running… this is all the cardio I need_. Here I was, trying to be so quiet I wouldn't wake her… _even though I could have been loud enough to wake the dead, and she wouldn't have woken up._ I was trying to be quiet, and she was creeping on me. _Oh my god, she saw me smell her shirt… _I felt my cheeks turn crimson as she was rubbing tears from the corners of her eyes, still laughing.

I couldn't look her in the eyes. I keep doing the lamest things around her. How would she fall in love with me when I am seriously, Lima's biggest weirdo right now? _Except for maybe that dude that hangs out behind the liquor store… I think he keeps his cigarettes in his beard. _I foggily hear her calling my name. Looking up, I see her eyes are almost black… dark with desire. I know this look. I've seen it under me, above me, so close to me so many times. Why is she looking at me like that right now? _Is she turned on by weird shit like smelling worn clothes? _

_What B saw…_

San didn't know I was standing here watching her. I knew she was being quiet and trying not to wake me. She's always considerate like that. She was wearing those shorts… the white ones that I can see through. I swear, every time we work out together she's wearing those shorts. Her hot pink sports bra looks damp, and she's almost radiating heat.

I love this San the best. She's wearing no makeup. Her hair is up in a messy ponytail… but she doesn't need makeup or her hair done for me to appreciate what's in front of me. She's sweaty, and the small beads are gathering on her forehead. I watch as a bead travels down her neck (it must have tickled her) and slid down into her bra. Her whole abdomen was glistening. Her abs… wow. I could see she was still breathing kind of increased from her run. She pulled open one of the drawers and every muscle of her abs clenched. I swallowed, hard, and felt that familiar feeling when I think about Santana for too long. I looked down past the folded-down waistband of her shorts to her legs, also glistening with sweat. Her legs turn me on. They're strong and muscular without being built like a weightlifter. _Sanny would look funny with crazy muscles… _I chuckled in my head. I liked her legs just the way they were. _They always felt great wrapped around my body…_

I couldn't help it. I was losing my thoughts to the one-way route that was Santana.

_Back to Santana…_

She was looking at me with those dark, hooded eyes. She hadn't broken eye contact yet. I realized maybe she thought I was gross. I was sweating like a pig. I reached up and wiped some of the sweat off my forehead with the back of my hand. Before I had even put my hand down, I saw B coming at me like a freight train. She was walking with a mission. _God, I must really look bad._

Before I could open my mouth to apologize for looking so gross and say that I was on my way to the shower, I felt her strong arms pushing me. Caught off guard, I stumbled back a few steps until I felt my back slam into my closet door, hard. _What the fuck?_

I was confused until I saw the passion in her eyes for a brief second. I felt her soft hands around my wrists as she pushed them back against the door, with another thud. I was here, defenseless, and the girl I was in love with was holding my sweaty body against a closet door. If it was possible for my heart to be beating faster, it was.

I felt her hot mouth on my jaw line. She dragged it, open-mouthed, down my neck. She bit down, making me wince a little bit. I could feel the pressure from her mouth that was latched onto my neck – _this is going to leave a mark._ Just as she was rough, she kissed me tenderly where she bit and sucked. She kept kissing down my neck, running her hands to the back of my neck. Her elbows were still holding my hands up, helplessly above my head.

I felt her hot tongue drag across my collarbone and travel towards my chest. It dipped to my sports bra and down my cleavage. The wet I felt from her tongue mixed with the sweat I could still feel on my chest. She kissed back up towards my jaw again and dropped her hands to my breasts, palming them. I couldn't believe the fire inside me. I was blindingly turned on by this Brittany; there was no alcohol to fuel her. She added pressure with her palms, her hips closed the gap between us _oh my god_ and I couldn't process these feelings fast enough. I could feel myself getting devastatingly wet.

Her mouth found its way to mine. Things that belong together always find their way together. These kisses were not tender, by any means. I felt her tongue fleetingly on my lips until I slightly parted them. She took this as all the invitation she needed. Her tongue was powerfully in my mouth, exploring, dipping, and dancing through my senses. I could taste the sweat from my body on her tongue – it was exhilarating. I could only think of one taste I liked better on her tongue. I let my hands fall down from above me and she didn't stop me. I felt like I had been passive enough so far. My hands fell down her back to the waistband of her underwear. I slipped my hands under the fabric and cupped her ass, pulling her closer.

She bit my lips, my tongue, remaining in control. She wouldn't let me change the tempo of the kiss, but I didn't mind. I kept along with it. It was passionate, and we really hadn't been together in awhile. _Is that what's going to happen now?_

She reached down to grab my leg and pulled it around her hip. She shifted slightly so she was straddling my bare thigh. I could feel her on my leg… _oh my god. _I felt her hips rock ever so slightly and a moan, guttural and sensual, snuck its way from her mouth. She intensified the kiss. I was completely getting lost in her – this was something new. I turned off my thoughts.

Just as quickly as she had bounded across the room, the sound of her cheesy ringtone for her stupid fucking "boyfriend" broke us apart. Her hands rose to the closet behind me to support her weight. Her head fell to my collarbone and I could feel her panting on my fire-touched skin. My hands dropped down to my sides. I was panting as hard as she was. The last notes of the ringtone played out, and silence louder than anything I'd ever heard cascaded through the room. _I would give anything to go back to five minutes ago. _I, however, prided myself on my ability to keep things cool between us. Awkward was something I never liked to do with B. I lifted her head, looked into her eyes, smirked at her and said, "You can check that B. Wheels probably wants advice of which of his amazingly-useful saddle shoes he should wear for your date." I felt like maybe my words were too cutting; I purposely put venom on the word date. I saw a very brief second of pain flash through her eyes followed by a smile. Her phone dinged. Now she had a text message. _Seriously, Wheels? You called like thirteen seconds ago._

"Can you read it, S? I'm gonna go to the bathroom," I immediately felt the undeniable absence of something that belonged in my arms as she slipped away. It wasn't weird she let me read her text messages. We did that all the time. Since Quinn's cousin had been hit by a teenage driver that was texting while driving, we always co-piloted by being the designated texter while the other drove. Just another thing we did.

**Jus chckin to mke sure ur up. Best b lookin hawt for ur man. C u at 12. **Ugh, text speak made me profoundly pissed off. B came out of the bathroom and I handed her her phone. "He just wants you to "look hot" for your date." I put air quotes around look hot and tried to pronounce it like he spelled it. I know the text speak bugged her too. She muttered her thanks to me and put her phone in her pocket. She had put her clothes back on from last night. I watched her sneak my t-shirt into her purse… I let it go, just this once. I would make fun of her for her poor attempt at ninja pajama removal later.

"I'm gonna shower quick, I'm still all sweaty. If you want, when I'm done we can make some pancakes before you've gotta go?" I asked her. _Say yes, baby B… _ She looked at me and I knew she was going to say no. "No, that's okay, San. I'm gonna run home quick and take a shower too. My mom was going to make grilled cheese for lunch today." That was one of her favorite foods… _damn._ She carefully crept over to me and put her thumb on the, I'm sure, extremely visible love mark she left on my neck. She smiled the cutest shy smile I've ever seen, and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. Just yet another thing that we did. "I'll see you later, though?" she asked me. "Yeah! Sounds good. Just "text me." I put up the ridiculous air quotes again to mimic some kind of ridiculous text speak for text me. Pretty sure I did some kind of robot voice, too. _God, what am I doing?_ She laughed at me though, so it must have been okay. She smiled at me again and slinked out the door.

I grabbed my clothes from where I set them before my shower plans were interrupted and walked into the bathroom. I heard the front door close downstairs. _What just happened? _I was just starting to calm down. I was still damp… everywhere. I needed this shower. I reached in and turned the temperature colder than my usual showers. Stripping off my clothes, I dropped my hand on my radio and turned it on. I walked in the shower and felt the cool water washing off all my sweat, removing away how turned on I was, and sadly, pulling the scent and lingering feelings of B down the drain.

I was lost in my thoughts, but I could hear the lyrics outside the shower door. "The sun goes down, the stars come out, and all that counts, is here and now. My universe will never be the same… I'm glad you came." I felt like I was getting lost in the lyrics. _Seriously, Lopez? When did you turn into such an emo freak?_

**A/N: Thanks for reading. I'd love to hear what you think!**


	5. Chapter 5

I rinsed the rest of the body wash off my body and turned off the shower. It was freezing in the bathroom, probably since I took a cold shower… _that didn't even make me stop thinking about B. _Shivering, I wrapped myself in my fuzzy towel from the rack and reached over to turn up the radio. Some club dance hit was on and I found myself dancing a little bit while drying myself off. I looked at myself in the mirror, saw nothing out of place, and blow-dried my hair. Hanging my towel back on the rack, I walked to my room. _What? I can walk around naked. Not like anybody would ever be home to see. _

I walked to my dresser and threw on some sweats. No use getting dressed yet. I grabbed my phone off of my nightstand. **3 new messages.** Two were from B. **Sanny I think I lost an earring at your house. Do you see it on your bed? **I lifted up my pillow and sure enough, there was her silver peace sign earring. **Lord Tubbington noticed it was missing and told me. **I chuckled… _that girl and her cat. Or behemoth, it's so large I don't know if it should still be called a cat. _**Got it, B. I'll give it to you tonight. **The last message was from Quinn. **Santana I feel like there is a bulldozer in my brain what the hell did we do last night?** I laughed out loud and pressed 3 on my speed dial. I hear the grogginess in her gravelly voice and smile a bit. "Tubbers. Wake up and take some ibuprofen. Drink some water. We've gotta go to the mall, you're not getting out of this one." Sure, I needed clothes, but I could also wanted to see B and Artie in their element. Nothing like a little recon mission on a Saturday afternoon with your hung over best friend. Who probably reeks of vodka and beer. "Did you leave Puck's yet?"

"Noooooo," she dragged out. "I haven't even left the couch yet." I hung up the phone and grabbed my keys off of the dresser. I swung the keys around my finger and skipped down the stairs, grabbing a banana out of the basket in the counter. Not like I didn't have my choice of other fruits. My mom keeps this house stocked with just about everything, other than herself. Yeah, I was bitter. I knew she had a job, but whatever. So did everyone else's mom, and they didn't miss birthdays and holidays.

_Dad's job, however, I can deal with. _I pressed the remote starter and heard the engine of my Camaro rev to life. _Sexy._ I know it's not a Benz, but dad says I have to have something to grow into, whatever that means. Also, its not like he doesn't try. Sure his job supports all my needs (even ones I don't know I have) and makes sure I have everything new, usually without even asking. He never fails to leave me a note or send me a text asking me about my days, though. For a long time growing up he used to come into my room at night and kiss my forehead and tell me he loved me, no matter what time it was. My mom, she never did that. She just had different parenting approaches. I pressed the unlock button on the keychain. _Vroom._

I hear the bass thumping out of the car before I even get in. _I drove with B last…_ the sound system was her favorite part of the car. We could be listening to talk radio and she would turn the bass dial all the way up to feel the speakers vibrate next to her legs. I reached over and turned down the stereo to a manageable level. I loved the girl, but god, sometimes I thought she needed to get her ears checked out. I pulled out of the driveway and headed the short distance down the street towards Puck's.

I saw Quinn's car parked on the street. Pulling into Puck's driveway, I turned off the engine and got out of the car. I walked towards the door. _Ew… is that vomit?_ I looked into the potted plant next to Puck's door. Big mistake. I opened the door and walked in, smelling breakfast. A startled Puck peered around from the kitchen, but his gaze softened as he saw me. "Mornin, Lopez. Breakfast?" he asked me, with a piece of bacon hanging out of his mouth. I nodded at him and put my hand up in acknowledgement.

Q was still lying on the couch in her clothes from last night, pillow over her head. I laughed at her and tossed a pillow from the recliner next to me onto her chest. She freaked out a bit and looked up. "God damn it, San… stop being so loud." I smirked at her. I sat down next to her on the couch and pulled the pillow away from her eyes. She squinted at me and I saw a flickering of HBIC Quinn flaring in her stare. I love a challenge. "God, Q, you look like shit. What did you do last night? You didn't play beer pong, did you? What a trashy game." I feigned disgust.

"Ugh, is that why my stomach feels like a bubbling cauldron? I've got the spins and if I sit up, I'm probably going to vomit," she said, putting her hands back over her eyes. I walked to the kitchen to grab her some water. Puck was wearing some god-awful apron and his boxers. Puck had a nice body, but I really felt nothing. Then he scratched his ass. Yeah, I really felt nothing. Gay or Brittany-sexual? I don't know the answers to these questions.

I reach past Puck for a glass from the cupboard. I fill it will cold water (not too cold, that always seems to make me puke when I'm horrendously hung over) and grab some ibuprofen Puck has set out for me. He's dancing and flipping pancakes. "Make her some toast, yeah?" I asked him. He doesn't stop dancing or singing to himself, but he points to the counter next to the toaster without looking up. He's got like six pieces of toast sitting out next to some butter and jelly. _He really is a good guy… when he isn't a perv._

I grab a piece, put a little butter on it, and walk back to the living room. As I leave, I yell to Puck. "Did you see someone ralphed into your mom's plant in the front?" He rushes to the front door and I hear him curse as he tries to figure out what to do. I sit down next to Q again. She's rolled over to her side and has her arms wrapped tightly around her stomach. "Q, sit up with me and drink some of this water. It will help, I promise." She groans, but tries to sit up. As she rights herself, I hand her the glass. She takes a few sips, and her eyes get wide. Real wide. _Damn it. Too cold. _

She flies past me and is in the bathroom in seconds. There's beer cans everywhere. _Man, Puck has some cleaning to do before his parents get back. _I follow her in and see her puking. Doesn't look like anything solid. At least she's getting the rest of the booze out, right? I kneel a ways behind her, close enough to hold back the strands of her short hair that she can't quite hold back herself. My other hand rests on her back, absentmindedly rubbing circles with my thumb. She finishes pretty quickly and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.

"How ya doin, Q?" I look at her. She looks like absolute crap, but I know she feels better. That's how it works. She had the type of hangover where you puke once and the upset stomach goes away. The headache usually passes when the ibuprofen kicks in. She does look better than she looked five minutes ago. "Actually," she says, "I feel much better. Even if my mouth tastes disgusting." I rifle through the cabinet and find some toothpaste. I squirt a little onto her finger and she runs it over her teeth, swishes, and spits. She splashes some water on her face, and follows me out into the living room.

"Baby mama! You look better. Want some grub?" Puck is carrying the plant towards the kitchen. "Ew, Puck, keep that away from the food!" I yell towards him. He shrugs and sets it on the mat by the front door… right by my shoes. _Ish._

Quinn grabs the glass of water she so hastily cast aside earlier, pops four ibuprofen in her mouth, and takes a swig. She shakes her cheeks and swallows. _She'll feel better in no time._ Puck piles a plate for himself of assorted breakfast meats and a couple of pancakes. Quinn grabs the toast and puts a little butter on it. I grabbed a small assortment of stuff and followed them to the living room. Puck pushed some empty party cups to the side of the coffee table and put his feet up, switching on ESPN. Quinn and I ate our food in comfortable silence. I had another one of those thoughts about being lucky to have good friends that I feel alright sitting in silence with. Not everyone has someone like that, let alone three people.

Q finished her toast and leaned her head back and closed her eyes. I cocked my head to look at her. "Alright, teen mom, let's go back to my place. You can shower there. Puck, watch her car." He mutters okay through a mouthful of pancake and doesn't take his eyes off of the TV. He swallows and says, "I'll swap it out for my car in the garage, it will be just fine, Q." He didn't even have to look up to see the apprehension in her eyes.

I grabbed her hand and pulled her up before she had a chance to argue. I set our plates in the kitchen sink next to _omg, was that more vomit? _I just walked out of the kitchen. Q had grabbed her stuff and was waiting by the door. She didn't look sooo bad. I mean, if you ignored the heavy raccoon eyes and bedhead. The hotter you look the night before, the bigger mess you look like the next day. We walked out the door, and I pushed the start and unlock buttons on my keychain. Q slipped into the passenger seat, reaching over to turn off the radio completely. I don't blame her. If I had a minor headache this morning, her head probably feels like a volcano dangerously close to a fiery eruption. No way those pills had kicked in yet. "Thanks for coming to get me, San," she sighed out. We don't thank each other often. I knew she was genuinely grateful.

I pulled into my driveway and we both made our way to the door. I unlocked it and headed up to my room. I went for my closet, rummaging for some clothes I knew Q had left here a while back. We didn't fit into the same pants, but she could wear any shirt of mine. I found the cute jean shorts and tossed them onto the bed. "Go take a shower, I'll leave these on the bed and when you're done you can find a shirt. Leave the door unlocked, though. I'm gonna get ready while you're in there." She nodded at me and went through the bathroom door. I heard the water turn on and waited a respectable three-ish minutes before knocking on the door. "You're good," she yelled. I turned the radio up a bit. This was a good song.

I curled my hair and put on my makeup, following my usual ritual. By the time I was done, I heard the water shut off. I grabbed the towel Quinn had pulled out of the cupboard off the toilet and flung it over the shower door. "Thanks," I heard her mumble. Thank God I had finished getting ready before too long, since Q takes insufferably hot showers. I couldn't see my face in the mirror.

I walked to my room and put on a hot skirt and a cute tank top. It was supposed to be hot today. Q walked out in her towel and pulled on the shorts from my bed. She went over to my dresser and started shuffling through my drawers to find a shirt. "Hey, is this B's earring?" she turned to look at me with an inquisitive eye. Quinn has always been so observant. To this day, I am so surprised she hadn't figured out that B and I had slept together about a million times… sometimes in the same room as Q. She was giving me some kind of smirk… her eyebrow was up. _What did that mean? _I frantically looked around the room for a second. _Did I leave something out? Can she see we were making out in here this morning? What is going on?_

I chuckled nervously and realized she was just asking me if that was B's earring. Not if I was having sex with my best friend without telling my other best friend about it. "Yeah, she left it here last night," I said back to her. I grabbed some perfume off my dresser and sprayed it on. _Pretty sure Q just saw that freak out. Come on, San, you've gotta keep it together better than this._ I saw the smirk deepen for a second before Quinn looked completely normal again. "What's B doing today?" she asked me.

"She's going to the mall with Hotwheels." _There. What was that look?_ Something flashed across Quinn's eyes, but it was too fast for me to tell what it was. Mild disgust? Confusion? I couldn't figure out what it was at all. "Oh." That was all she said. Oh. Nothing I can figure out from that. Quinn put some lip-gloss on from her purse and checked herself out in the mirror. With an approving smirk, she fluffed her hair (_perfectly styled, when did she do that?)_ and headed out of my door. I sighed, grabbed my purse and my keys, and followed.

Operation Bartie (_gagging, a little bit) _Recon commences.


	6. Chapter 6

_A note, from Quinn_

Parents control much too much of what children think. I've been raised knowing without a doubt what is right, and what is wrong. I can even spout verses to prove it. I've been taught to easily be able to pass judgment. My parents made sure that from a young age, they made sure I knew the difference between right and wrong just as sure as I was about what was black and what was white. Can't screw those up, right? There is no such thing as grey.

My parents' rules were steadfast and never broken. I was raised to say yes ma'am and no sir. We read the Bible every night as soon as we finished dinner. My father would always read it. We went to church. I was involved in every group that I could possibly be involved in, as was my mother. It's so difficult to form my own opinion about anything when I've been force fed everything the Bible says since I was old enough to speak. My first song was probably Jesus Loves Me. Who knows?

Parents should teach their children morals. I shouldn't need a reason from the Bible to know that killing something is wrong. I shouldn't need a reason to know that the horrible things I do to other people every day, Rachel especially, is wrong. To treat others right. Why does everything have to be based in the Bible? I was never taught the disconnect – that it was possible to make decisions away from the Bible. I had a hard time making my own decisions. I was armed with what the Bible told me. Who was right, who was wrong. And I was proudly on the right side… always. I wore my cross under my cheerleading uniform. The same uniform (and the same cross) I wear when I slushy Rachel every other week. _What? I'm at least trying to make them less frequent._

Since I was old enough to hear my parents talking and eavesdrop, I've heard plenty about "those people." That they can't raise a child. That there's something wrong with them. That Rachel will turn out weird because there is no way they can raise her to turn out normal. The word abomination. Seriously, sometimes I think they were grooming me to hate her. To talk just loud enough so that their ideals would seep into my brain, and that I would make a split-second decision when I first met her to hate her. Not based on anything I believed as a child. When I met Rachel, I had no idea what being gay was. And I could barely pronounce abomination. My eyes narrowed even further than my Christian morals and I couldn't stand her. I'm still working out why I let myself make that decision. She doesn't deserve what I've done to her, but it's hard to all of a sudden treat someone differently after how long I've done what I have. It's hard, but I'll do it… someday.

I was the golden child. I had my parents' love and affection, and I could do no wrong. I was my mother's poster child; I was my father's bragging right. Can you guess how long it took that all to change? _Seriously, it didn't take that long… I may have been drunk, but Puck was no endurance enthusiast…_ I screwed up. Not only did I get drunk, I got pregnant… the first time I had sex! When my parents found out, I was kicked out of the house in less that a night. I had an hour to pack a bag. I may not be gay, but I became one of "those people" my parents talked about all the time. The Christian blinders went on, and I was the enemy. I went from having everything, to having nothing, all in one night.

I have never been more confused. I'd been paying attention in church and when we read the Bible. Sure, there were some laws about some stuff that seemed old school, but the most important rule to me seemed to have something to do with unconditional love. Where was that love? Were they trying to show me the conditions for their love for me? I noticed how hypocritical everything was. How the foundation that they seemed to build me up on was cracked and breaking. You can't preach love and turn your back the second something happens. Is that what it means to be a Christian? I needed to think long and hard about what religion was to me. I knew I had questions, but this made me constantly evaluate something that I had been taught… about "those people."

Of course I know about Santana and Brittany. Are you kidding? Too many sleepovers had ended with them "going to sleep" early. As quiet as they think they are, Brittany is a powerful moaner and Santana must have fingers made of gold. I've seen them sneaking kisses. I've seen the lingering touches and hugs. At first, I was disgusted. They were the abomination. Right?

When I started showing, I went to school one day and a senior girl from the Cheerios (the girl that should have been captain, had Sue not picked me as a freshman) came up behind me. There were other Cheerios with her. She was walking behind me, talking to them. "Looks like the Christian slut got herself knocked up! Isn't that some kind of… oxy moron?" she said with a chuckle. Her friends laughed at the appropriate moment and said the appropriate responses. I felt crushed… come on, it's high school. What they said hurt.

Santana came out of nowhere. B was at her side, like always. Before I knew what was happening, the girl was shoved (hard, it sounded like) against a locker. I could feel the fire radiating off of Santana. "She may be pregnant, but I'm sure she can still do toe touches better than you, Kelsey. She could when she was in eighth grade before she had a baby the size of a giant burrito in her belly. Obviously everyone can see that but you. Take your obnoxious lip and get the fuck out of this hallway." Santana had presence. She didn't need to threaten with words; the act of throwing this girl against the locker would have scared her away. B was glaring with icy eyes. The Cheerios walked away, scowling behind them. Santana and Brittany, "those people," always had my back. So many memories of times similar to this came flooding through my mind. No matter the situation, even when I was wrong, there was a fiery Latina and a doe-eyed blonde by my side, linking pinkies and protecting me from the cruel world. "Those people" were my best friends. And they belonged together. If my parents definition of Christianity excluded and promoted hate towards people like myself, that make mistakes, and good people, like my best friends, I didn't want to be that kind of Christian.

Again, I know about S and B. Santana doesn't know I know. B has no idea. It's cute watching her try to cover things up. Since that day last year when she so fiercely had my back, I've been for them. Everyone needs someone in their corner. She doesn't need to know I know. I've got her back. However, if there's one thing I've learned to be against – it is love that doesn't belong. Seriously, Artie? Get out of the middle of somewhere you don't belong. You can't mess with what they've got. The two of them just don't know it yet.


	7. Chapter 7

Quinn and I got into my car, ready for a long day of shopping… and maybe some reconnaissance. Before she slipped her sunglasses down onto her eyes, I noticed the dark circles she couldn't quite cover up with makeup. _Poor girl…_ she was dead tired. "Wanna stop for coffee before we hit up the mall, Q?" I didn't mention anything about her looking like she needed it. I'm in a good mood this morning. Don't need to spoil Q's morning. When we're alone, things just flow easily. I don't need to slip into Snix-mode, even though sometimes I do. _What? It's habit._

She ran her hands through her hair and fumbled with the radio, waiting until she found a good station. She answered me as I backed out of the driveway. "Yeah, coffee sounds nice." I drove along the sleepy neighborhood. Lima is nothing if it isn't quaint and small. Hell, we're lucky to have a shopping mall. It may be on the outskirts of town towards the more populated cities, but at least there's a mall. There are plenty of bars and churches though. Isn't that how it always goes? We pass house after house that all the look the same.

Q reaches over and turns up the radio. _Must not be so hung over anymore…_ she starts bobbing her head to the music and singing along softly. Q usually sang softly in the car. She has such a unique voice. I would never tell her outright that I liked it, but I did. I smiled over at her and reached over to turn up the radio a little more. I liked this song too.

I pulled into the Lima Bean parking lot just as Quinn's cell phone started to ring. I reached over to shut off the radio. I chose a parking space as close to the door as I could and turned off the car. Q got her phone out of her purse. I didn't see who it was, but it looked like she had to answer it. No big deal. I know her coffee order like the back of my hand. Don't all best friends? I think it's cute that B always orders a skim white mocha but asks for extra whipped cream. _Doesn't that defeat the purpose of the skim part? _Quinn holds up a finger as if to say just a minute, and I mouth that it was no big deal and that I'd be right back. Damn place could use a drive-thru. Guess we're not that close to living in current times. Hell… we didn't even have a Starbucks.

I put my sunglasses up on my head as I walk through the door. I walk up to the counter and give a brief smile before ordering. This kid looks familiar… "Hi Santana. What can I get for you?" he says to me, fumbling over his words. Hmmm… still no recognition, but there really is no one at school that doesn't know who I am. I carry a presence, a persona. I can practically see the boy in front of me quivering in his shoes as he gives me a nervous smile. "I'll take a large caramel macchiato and a medium skim vanilla latte. Don't mess it up, Mr. Barista." I smirked at him. _Come on, he's already cowering; I couldn't resist a little Snix-play. _I paid, and moved down the counter to wait for my drinks.

I look around the shop for anyone I know. I see Kurt and Blaine sitting in a little corner, sleepily staring at each other. _Barf._ I say that, but I can see the love in Kurt's eyes from here. I'm jealous. Kurt is brave. He can be with Blaine and is proud of it. He went through hell for it, but he stuck it out, and he looks happy. He has a good support structure, even though I would never directly admit to that without some kind of truth serum. I would break noses for that kid. Well, for anyone in Glee. Again, I would never tell anyone that. Can't let anyone know I actually care for other people… I enjoy it when the pimply teenagers cower when I tell them my coffee order. Makes life interesting.

Mr. Barista puts two cups on the counter and tells me to have a good day. I slid my sunglasses back on my head and grabbed the two cups. As I'm walking towards the door, I see Kurt's head come up as he recognizes me. He raises his hand in a wave. I nod my head towards him and raise a cup of coffee, giving him a small smile. He smiles back and continues talking to Blaine. I consider that my good deed for the day. No wise-ass comments across the coffee shop, just a little wave. I'm trying to better myself… or something. I don't know, sometimes something weird comes over me and I find myself doing "nice" things, as nice as a small wave across a coffee shop is. I know why I do it… have you ever met B? Nicest girl in the world. She makes my heart a little lighter. I can't help that how she acts sometimes makes me do nice things.

I walked out the door with the coffee cups in hand. Q rolls down her window and takes the cups from me, still cradling her cell phone to her ear. I can make out bits of the conversation as I walk to my door. "Yes, mom, I know my car isn't home. I know I didn't come home last night, I stayed with Santana, just like I told you I was going to." I can hear the cackling hen that was Mother Fabray come through the phone. I didn't like Judy Fabray. Any mother that can kick out her own daughter for making a mistake doesn't deserve any respect from me. She was trying, is what Quinn tells me. Quinn lived with Mercedes for quite some time, trying to work everything out. Her parents didn't care to check in on her. We were watching a movie at my house one night not that long ago when out of the blue, her mom called her. She told her that her and Russell, Quinn's dad, were getting a divorce. Her dad was the angriest with her after Quinn told them she was pregnant. He slapped her and told her to get out, while Judy just stared on. He slapped her so hard the when Q came to my house in tears after, I could still see the handprint.

Judy told Quinn she was misguided by Russell and made the wrong decisions, but wanted her daughter back in her life. Quinn broke down hard that night. Can you imagine the emotional roller coaster she was going through? I couldn't believe it, but I would want Quinn back, too. I dropped Q off and saw them hugging in the doorway that night. It was bittersweet. They still have some trouble, obviously. The cackling through the phone, which Q is holding away from her ear, brings me back to the present. I can vaguely make out something about "bad decisions." Quinn brought the phone back to her ear. "Mom, I'm going to go. I'm going shopping with Santana. I, and my car, will be home later." I can hear the audible sigh from her mother on the other end. "Love you too, mom." Q disconnects the call. _Quinn Fabray… this girl's whole life is a story. _I didn't care. I was fiercely protective of her… again, not like I would ever tell her that.

Quinn sighs and hands me my coffee as she thankfully takes a sip of hers. "How much was it?" she asks me. "Nothing. If you want to pay me back, buy me toilet paper so I can go throw it in your mom's prized garden," I respond back to her. She laughs _(I knew she would)_ and reaches over and turns up the radio. Back to the simple quiet. I like it like this.

The drive to the mall isn't long. We listen to music and drink our coffee, both finishing before we reach the hellacious tar pit that is called the mall parking lot. Seriously, if I were to die now, this would be the hell I would go to. No matter the season, it's always full. There were usually grandmas everywhere along with children running amok, like they were trying to end up under my car. Honest to God, this should be a section in the driver's test. Every time I drive here, I usually exit my car ready to Lima Heights rage on someone's ass. Quinn knowingly smiles at me, pats my shoulder, and puts up her sunglasses to help me find a spot. The parking gods must have been looking down on us; we found one in less than five minutes. I didn't even run over any children.

I didn't have anything specific that I wanted to buy. Quinn had a few stores that she wanted to go into. I always jokingly told her they should be called "Preacher's Wife Outfitters"… she never laughed at that joke. Quinn was pretty. She sometimes just dressed like a crotchety old woman.

We walked into the mall and headed toward one of Quinn's stores. I helped her pick out some clothes that surprisingly weren't lame… _was Q loosening up a little bit? _ Even the clothes she picked out herself weren't so bad. Maybe she was listening to my advice, even if I delivered it in the form of raucous jokes. Our relationship was like that, though. Venomous at times. If anyone outside our bond ever said something like what I said to Q to her, I would break their legs. We quipped at each other, sometimes said terrible things, but it was all in the spirit of our friendship. It was comfortable, just the way I liked it. We've only had a few serious conversations. I think I probably appear to other people as being trapped behind some pretty big walls… or like I'll punch them in the face if they ask me some weenie emotional question. I'm just not outwardly emotional. I've let the walls down a few times, only around Brittany and Q. I'm going to keep it that way. It's the Lopez way.

We walked into a shoe store. Q was trying on some sexy boots… _wait, what? _"Q? What are those for?" She eyed me suspiciously. "What do you mean? Are they ugly? I think they're cute." I could hear the apprehension in her voice as she checked over the boots again in the mirror. "No, no… they're smokin'. What do you want them for? Pretty sure preacher would have to hit the confessional if you start wearing those around." She tossed the other boot at me, narrowly missing my face. It landed close to a stroller behind us. I sheepishly went and retrieved the shoe, glaring at Q as I returned. "Sorry. They're hot!" I got another one of those suspicious looks as Q opened her mouth to speak, shyly. "Most of my wardrobe is from stores my dad would allow me to go to. I think it's well past time for a change." _Wow… Q is doing this to stick up for herself? _I set the other shoe back in the box. "They look good, Tubbers." Q grabbed the box and headed for the register to pay for the shoes.

We went to a few more stores and were both heavily laden with bags. _Thank god for Papi's AmEx…_ I rustled through my purse to find my phone. Pulling it out, I saw it was almost 1:30. _That explains the ferocious grumbling in my stomach._ "Hungry? We can head over to the food court?" Q asks me. It's like she can read my mind. Creepy. My brain went off on a tangent thinking about all the shit Q could see if she could actually read my mind, but I mumbled in agreement to her question. We started to saunter over towards the food court. We people-watched as we went. Seriously, this place has the best people watching next to the Lima Walmart. A few weeks ago B and I saw an old man dressed as Santa. In August. When we pulled out of the parking lot, we even saw three little elves. Yeah. Welcome to Lima, Ohio. We got to the food court, which was just as bustling as the parking lot. I asked Q what she wanted to eat and waited for a few minutes as she looked around at all the options. Q decided on Chinese food, which was probably due to her hangover. Nothing clears it up like greasy food. I groan inwardly, thinking about the mileage I'll have to put in to work this off. Oh well.

We order some food and sit down to eat. Q starts talking about cheer practice, which starts next week. Her mom was pressuring her to stick with some kind of extra-curricular other than Glee. She thought it would be easiest to just go back to cheering. She did enjoy it, plus she gets to spend time with B and me. She had already talked to Coach Sylvester about coming back and said Coach was surprisingly kind to her. She wouldn't outright tell her if she could get captaincy back, though. She told her she would have to wait until hell week, just like everyone else. We kept talking aimlessly through lunch.

Just as we're about to finish, I see her normally kind and cheerful hazel eyes darken. Her eyebrows pinch together. _If looks could kill… _I was going to ask her what was going on, but I only got as far as cocking my head inquisitively when I heard it. I would know that laugh anywhere. It's so light and carefree that it could bring me out of anything. It keeps me grounded. It's my laugh – the laugh I get when I say something stupid or tell a joke. _That's the laugh B usually gives me. _My eyebrows pinch together much like Q's currently are. I turn around. Why did I turn around? I thought I could willingly do this recon… but I feel a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and I swear I can feel my heart pinch.

B is sitting in Artie's lap sideways as he's wheeling them into the food court. She's smiling and Artie is reaching up to pull her head down to whisper something in her ear. I see her laugh again. It reaches my ears a little bit later. He pulls her head down for a kiss and I almost throw up. I look away before I see their lips meet. Had I kept looking, I would have seen that B's smiles weren't quite reaching the corners of her mouth. That the kiss was chaste and unexciting. All of our kisses were fireworks exploding. But I didn't see that.

Facing normally, what I did see was that look again from Q. Earlier in my room, she gave me this weird look when I mentioned B and Artie. I don't know what it meant or what it means now, but I suddenly feel claustrophobic with these people all around me. The walls are closing in and I'm trapped… I need to get out of here. I must be showing that I'm frantically working out escape routes in my mind because suddenly, I feel Q's hand on mine, just for a second. I calm down considerably and look into her eyes. I think I see pity, now. _Why is she looking at me like that? _She wordlessly picks up my tray as well as her own and walks them to the trash. I fumble to gather my bags as she does that and when she comes back she picks up all of her own. I swallow hard, noticing that the best way out of this eating circus is right past B and Artie.

Q puts her hand out, gesturing that I walk in front of her. We walk towards the exit, but every step brings me closer to something that I can't seem to get on my own. I feel my footsteps slow like my feet are glued to the floor. All of a sudden, my vision is blocked by my blonde best friend who I can't help but feel that, even if she doesn't know it, is ferociously protecting me. She steps in my line of site, and although I can hear Artie's stupid fucking voice booming some rap lyric, I can't see anything but those hazel eyes keeping me grounded. I feel her hand on my lower back pushing me forward, and before I know it we're out the door next to the zoo that is a parking lot. _I can breathe again._

I expect Q is going to say something to me about why I was so freaked out. Ask me what my problem was. Make fun of me in some way. I was even brainstorming pregnancy jokes to take the heat off myself. I look over, but Q isn't even looking at me. She drops her sunglasses onto her nose and looks over to watch the cars drive by in the parking lot, somewhat erratically. "15 points if you can make it back to the car without being almost hit by a car at least once," she says. She speeds off, hopping out into the crosswalk after a black Suburban flies through it.

I slip my sunglasses over my eyes and can't help but feel thankful for my friend. Even if she is oblivious to my situation.


	8. Chapter 8

I reach the driver's side door of my car, take a deep breath, and get in. _I'm so in love with B. So much so it hurts when I see her with someone other than me._ I can't help but cynically laugh at myself. Honestly, what did I expect? Every time I held her after she came, slowly bringing her back down to me, I had to make a stupid joke or unceremoniously dump her off of me. _I'm like a lizard… I need something warm beneath me or I can't digest my food. _Did I really say that to her? Yep, I did. _Good work, champ._

Quinn was adjusting her makeup in the visor mirror. I saw her eyes meet mine through the reflection. She wasn't going to ask me if I was okay. I knew she wouldn't. Her eyes sparkled a bit… it's like she was opening a window for me to talk to her. _Uh, yeah. Let me just get right on that… _I smirked and put my key in the ignition. I turned over the engine, put the car in reverse, and moved to get on with my Sunday.

We drove back towards my house. Q wanted me to drop her off at Puck's where she could grab her car and go home from there. I kind of hoped that we were going to hang out for a little bit longer. When I'm with other people, it's easier to quiet my mind. Turn down the thoughts. I'm brought back to real time when we pull up in front of Puck's house. Q turns to look at me. "Want to ride together to hell week tomorrow? I can pick you up on my way?" she asks me.

"Yeah, that sounds good. Make sure you do some lunges or something tonight. I don't want to have to run extra laps because Sylvester sees your stretch marks through the pleats of your smokin' skirt." I can't even get the whole sentence out before I have a silly and apologetic smile on my face. I still feel like she was helping me out in the food court, I don't just want to be mean. _More of that B attitude rubbing off on me… _I watch in mock horror as Quinn reaches over and ruffles my hair. _Oh my god… did she just do that? _I pinch my eyes in a frown as she gets out of the car, smirking a famous Fabray smirk that no one in the world can mimic. "Oh, don't worry about me, S. I'm in it for the captaincy. Do you see any stretch marks here?" With that, she slams my door and sways her way to Puck's door. Yes, she's swaying. She knows I'm watching her walk in. Shaking my head, I put the car in drive.

It takes me a minute or so to reach my house. I pull my car into the driveway and shut it off. Grabbing my multitude of bags that contain the completely necessary retail therapy, I make my way inside. I dropped my bags in the foyer and made my way to the kitchen, noting a piece of paper that wasn't on the island this morning when I was here. **Tana, must have missed you. Working overnight tonight, so I won't be home. Love you, mija. **The quick, doctor-like scrawl stares back at me from the page. It's actually amazing I can read it – an acquired skill. I can feel the love coming from each pen stroke. It's the little things. He may only be home once in a blue moon, but I still feel like he's a part of my life. And isn't that all that's important? Sighing, I grab my bags from the foyer and walk them up to my room to put away all my spoils.

I've had the same feeling lately every time I enter my room. I'm assaulted by the presence of the same blonde haired, blue-eyed beauty that fills so many of my waking thoughts… _and my sleeping ones. _I can smell her in here. I know if I smell my pillow I'll be able to smell her shampoo. I can see her earring on my dressing. And her adorable smile adorns my walls. Photos of her, Quinn, and me are everywhere. She is the largest part of my life – and I never want to lose her. _I also know she doesn't belong with Wheels._ It's easier to just look away from my walls right now. I hastily put my clothes into my closet. I grab a pair of short shorts and a comfy sweatshirt from my closet and pull them on. I know I'm going to be lounging for the rest of the afternoon. Might as well be comfortable for it. I shut my light off and close my door behind me, pushing away the thoughts of B. Or try to.

I slowly traipse down the stairs towards the kitchen. The green blinking lights above the microwave tell me that it's a little bit after two. Yawning, I make my way to the leather couch in the living room. My mother has expensive tastes. This whole house is decked out to the point that it could be the featured living space in some hellacious high-end living catalogue. I used to be terrified to actually live in my own house, in case I moved something and didn't remember quite where it went. Since it seems I practically live here on my own, that fear passed as I grew up. Well, mostly. I still have a fear of touching the hand towels in the bathrooms. Something about them screams that they're not actually meant to be used.

I settled into the worn leatherof the extraordinarily comfortable couch and pulled the throw blanket that was draped on the back down over my shoulders. My friends love these couches. They say how worn they are is what makes them the most comfortable. Again with the irony of the house – I know my mother bought them this way, to give the appearance of being comfortably worn. _It's all about appearances_… I click through the channels on the huge TV until I find a trashy marathon of Real Housewives. I don't even know what city it's for. I feel my eyelids get heavy and I know I'll be sleeping soon. B is running through my mind. Sleep brings me memories; I've learned not to fight them.

_In Santana's dream…_

I've been living vicariously through my dreams about B lately, even if I don't remember them all when I wake up. I'm currently thinking about my first real kiss with B. We always had a touchy-feely relationship. B was like that with everyone. I was only like that with her.

We became much closer that summer before ninth grade. Her grandma dying just seemed to make her need me more. We spent so many nights together, talking about everything, watching movies, making food at all hours of the night, and just being together. I needed to be with her. I didn't know why or what it was, but I just didn't feel right all on my own. I could see it in her eyes, too. She needed me.

I had stopped inviting B over. I knew that she would just walk over after she finished dinner with her family. For the longest time she had a hard time getting away from her little sister – that girl absolutely loved me. Any time she would say she was coming over to see me, Riann would scream and cry, begging B to take her with. Eventually, B learned how to effectively sneak out the door. She claimed it was her superior ninja skills.

That night, she appeared in the doorway of my room. She knew where the spare key was. In fact, I probably would have given her her own key to my house by this time in our relationship. I kind of considered the key under one of the rocks next to the front door to be hers, anyway. She appeared in the doorway and it took me a little bit to realize that she was there. I was lying on my bed, listening to my iPod, hoping in my heart that she was coming over soon. At this point, I didn't realize what all these feelings about my best friend meant.

She was wearing a sheer tank top and a pair of shorts. Her hair was long that summer, turned almost white by the sun that we were constantly in. Her normally pale skin was as tan as it could be. By the time I realized she was there, she had already been listening to me sing along to the music in my ears. I shyly turned to look at her smiling face in my doorway. She walked in to my room, plopped down on my bed, plucked an earbud out of my ear, and started softly singing the lyrics right along with me. Eyeing her sideways from our lying down position, I smiled and kept singing. When the song finished, B asked if I wanted to watch a movie. She went over to my TV and put in the Fox and the Hound. Seriously, I can tell you every word to this movie – just because B loves it so god damned much. I told her how lame it was the first few times, noticing how her eyes fell when I did. Then, I just feigned excitement until it actually turned to a mild enjoyment of the movie… after about the 53rd time we watched it.

She put the movie in and came and lay back down on my bed, cozying up to me. This was also nothing new. We were close. Best friends cuddled, right? I propped up a bunch of pillows so we could half-sit, half-lay down as the opening scenes started to play. Tod and Copper were vowing to be friends forever on my TV screen in amazing 1981 technicolor, and I felt B snuggle tightly to my side. It seemed a little closer than normal, but it didn't bother me. I kind of snuggled back closer to her, too.

As Tod and Copper grow up, I become acutely aware of eyes on me. Peeking over at B, I can see that she's not watching her favorite movie up on the screen – she's watching me. Her eyes are on my lips… _did she just lick hers? _I squint my eyes a bit, but then her eyes are meeting mine. I got a little freaked out and go back to the screen. Must have just been imagining it. I felt myself getting a little bit warm. _Was she just too close to me? _It was summer, after all. I convinced myself it felt warm in the room. I leaned over B to reach for the window. As my body dragged across her to reach the knob, I heard her breath hitch. I slid my body back over hers, meeting her eyes as I tried to get back into my movie spot. Her eyes looked darker than normal and they flickered from my eyes to my lips. _There! She definitely licked her lips. _My heart was beating kind of funny. What was up with this?

It was getting harder to direct my attention back to the silly Disney story on my screen, but I forced my attention there. I felt B's fingers next to my hand, antsy and fidgety. I slipped her pinkie in mine and the jittering stopped. I looked over at her one last time, the time that did me in. I didn't know what was going on in her mind, but I was starting to entertain my own thoughts. I felt so close to her, like we were linked. Through the light that was visible from the TV screen, her cheeks looked flushed. Her eyes were definitely darker. I noticed that my eyes had wandered to her lips again when I heard her speak. These next moments happened so fast, but I replay them in my head so often it's like I've got a DVR and a remote handy at all times. In my thoughts, it always happens in slow motion.

I hear B whisper my name. "Sanny…" I look up as she says it, questioningly, toward her eyes. I vaguely notice that she's moved her head closer to me, but we were already close to begin with. I try to meet her eyes, but like so many other times this night, she wasn't interested in eye contact. Her smoldering eyes were on my lips, yet her lips were still moving. "Can I… just…" Before I could question, the distance between our heads became threateningly close. No alarm registered in my head; my heart beat faster. She stopped painstakingly close to my mouth and I could feel her hot breath on my lips. Her eyes came up to meet mine… I closed them. I knew what she wanted and I knew what I felt. Exhaling, I closed the millimeters between our mouths and pressed my lips against hers. _This… this was what it was supposed to feel like._

It may have been slow and soft, but I could still feel my heart and my body heating up. I saw fireworks behind my eyes. The kiss was tentative and exploratory; at this point, there was no tongue. After a few minutes of this, I felt like I needed a little more. From our linked pinkies, I reached my thumb over to caress the top of B's hand supportively, to tell her I was there. With a slight squeeze of her hand, I tentatively ran my tongue across B's bottom lip. I was not prepared for the soft and seductive moan that came from her lips, meeting my tongue. I like to think back to that moment and pinpoint it as the moment I was hooked, no turning back.

After one soft and sensual peck, B looked into my eyes. They had lightened and were now smilingly blue. "Sorry… I just wanted to do that." I wish I could end the memory here. Often, when I'm dreaming, I do. I don't like to remember the first time I cracked her heart.

I panicked. I just kissed my best friend, and I was turned on by it. _What the fuck? _"Yeah, great practice for all those guys we'll meet in high school." I saw her eyes close slightly. A flash of something went across them. Pain? Jealousy? Fear? I didn't think anything of that look then. I missed it. Knowing what I know now, and how I feel now, I know what that look meant.


	9. Chapter 9

I'm in that weird place when you're both awake and asleep. When you feel like you're waking up, but you really like the dream you're having and where you're at with it. So much so that you can force yourself back to sleep and back into that dream world? You know? These dreams about B were the most meaningful things I had left, it seemed. She was with someone else now. _It's not like we were ever really together._ I closed my eyes tighter and snuggled into the leather couch. I'm thankful for the AC. The leather isn't hot and sweaty; I'm still comfortable.

I feel myself beginning to drift back into deep sleep, but I swear I feel pressure on my legs. Small fingertips gently caressing my skin… my brain is just playing tricks on me so I have something to dream about. Remembering what those fingers can do. I sigh and my thoughts drift away back to B's eyes and her skin and her touch… _da'fuck? _No, I really feel pressure on my legs. Freaking out, I sit up way too fast and retract my legs in towards myself. My fearful response manages to knock me on my ass, right on the floor. I scoot even further away from the couch.

My heart is racing and I'm trying to figure out the quickest path out of my house to a phone so I can call 911 for whatever the fuck was just touching me on the couch. _Did my creepy ass neighbor get in? Swear to god, I'm going to flip a shit…_ I'm panting with fear.

Then, I hear a giggle. My brain can't quite process it. I look at the couch, and my breathing begins to slow. Putting my hand over my chest, I look up at B, who is sitting on the end of my couch. Her head is cocked slightly to the side and she's staring at me like I'm an alien or have eight fucking legs or something. "Dios mio, B. You scared the shit out of me." She's still laughing. I wouldn't mind being woken up by her fingers every day for the rest of my life. _As long as I know she's going to be there. Jesus._

"We were 'sposed to hang out tonight, San. Did you forget? I didn't forget." And just like that, I was calm again. Regardless of a slight heart attack I may have just had, I climbed back up onto the couch, sat next to B, and pulled the blanket over myself again. My legs still felt warm from her fingertips. _Dammit. _I knew it wasn't all just a dream.

"Did you know that dolphins can live to be fifty years old?" Occasionally, B would say things like this. Everyone else may think she's stupid, but she's one of the smartest people I know. Her brain just works a little bit differently. I looked over at her to see she wasn't looking at me. Blonde hair tousled back in a pony, her focus was on the TV. She was chewing slightly on her lower lip. The little sneak had somehow managed to come into my locked house, steal the remote I could swear was in my hand when I fell asleep, sit on the couch, take my feet into her lap, and watch god knows how many hours of National Geographic specials about dolphins without me waking up. _Maybe she really was a ninja…_

"Did you know that they can jump like twenty feet out of the water?" I bumped her shoulder as I said that, making her meet eyes with me. "No way! For serious? That's like, three Finns." She said to me with her eyes sparkling. She is adorable. How could I not have let myself notice this before? "It's like three Finns plus a Hobbit." She giggled at that, although she didn't like it when I wasn't nice to Berry.

I yawned and stretched out my arms. "I didn't forget about hanging out, I just fell asleep. For some reason, we went to bed super late last night!" I gave her a look of fake admonishment, which she caught onto immediately. "Yeah, don't know why we did," she smirked back at me. "Sorry if I scared you. I just used the key and came in and you were sleeping and you looked cold so I took your feet in my lap to keep them warm. I didn't like the show that was on since all those ladies did was yell at each other and fight so I changed it to the animal channel and I was so excited it was dolphins, I love dolphins. I was just waiting for you to wake up. You were making weird noises while you slept and I had to keep looking over at you to make sure you were okay." Man, this girl could talk when she wanted to. _Weird noises… _I know I wasn't above moaning out loud during my sexy dreams about B. I could feel my cheeks getting hot.

"Hungry, cariño?" I asked her as I stood up, stretching more. The couch made me sore. I swear B was semi-fluent in Spanish from all the years she's been friends with me. Again, people would never know this about her since they write her off right away. The things that she absorbs from TV or random conversation or school, I guess, would blow the minds of everyone around her. I was lucky to be one of the people she was herself around. Q and her family, too. She knew that everyone else assumed she was stupid. No one gave her the time of day, so before we started high school, she decided to just go along with it. Can't change people's minds that easily. She just gave up. I found it sad. It angered me, and I, as well as Q, protected her ferociously for it. She was as off-limits to everyone at WMHS as the newborn baby Jesus. It was an unwritten and unsaid rule. B is untouchable, or Quinn and I would make life a living hell for the poor sap that chose to ignore us.

She looked up at me from the couch with those baby blues and I couldn't help but smile down at her._ This girl turns me into such a sap…_ "Si, si, señorita," she said, reaching her hand up for me to help her off the couch. I rolled my eyes at her, but pulled her up. She held onto my hand as we walked to the kitchen. I opened the door to the fridge while she sat on a barstool. As I rummaged through the food, I spoke over my shoulder. "There's some leftover empanadas and some rice and…" I stopped fumbling through the doors to peek my head out to look at her. She looked back at me expectantly. "B? What do you want?"

"Can we make quesadillas?" I laughed at her. She just loved to say that word. I listened as she said it again, trying to employ her best attempt at being a native Spanish speaker. It was, as always, pretty close to perfect. I grabbed ingredients from the fridge, set them on the counter and said, "Yes, B, we can have quesadillas." I thickened my Spanish accent to mimic her; she loved when I did that. I could again see that twinkle in her eyes, brightly. She walked past me to grab a cutting board and a knife, bringing them back over to the island she was sitting at. I grabbed a knife and started peeling and cutting an avocado. B went to work on a tomato. I kept a close eye on her. I didn't ever want her to get hurt. Years ago I had taught her how to be super careful with a knife, and I was glad I could still see her doing the things I taught her.

I turned on the burner to the stove and heated up some oil. I fried the tortilla, and when it was perfectly air-bubbly, B appeared at my side with the chopped ingredients. She was standing so close to me I could smell her perfume and her hair. It made me achy inside. She looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to tell her it was okay to add her stuff. I nodded at her, and she playfully hip checked me so she had a little more room. I watched her carefully line the tortilla with "the perfect" amount of cheese. _Seriously, she was such a stickler about how much cheese goes in these damn things._ She added her other ingredients and stepped back, allowing me back in front of the burner.

She walked over and grabbed some salsa and sour cream from the fridge and a couple of plates from the cupboard. "How was your day, B?" I ask her as I carefully watch the quesadilla. I know exactly how B likes it cooked, and I won't let it burn. I look up to meet her gaze as she sits back down at the barstool. For just a second, her bright and cheerful eyes dull and I see her eyebrows pinch, ever so slightly. I couldn't tell if she did that because she knows I don't actually like hearing about her time with Wheels or if she actually maybe didn't have the best day.

"It was good. The mall was fun. Artie let me ride around with him on his chair and he picked out a couple of skirts for me." I had to turn around so I wouldn't gag in her face. I was jealous. I wanted that to be me. I didn't like to hear about what they did, but she was my best friend. I cared how her day was, and I could get over the fact that I wasn't happy she was with Wheels.

"How was yours? Did you go shopping with Quinn? You should have texted me and we totally could have met up at the mall!" B excitedly said. She really would have liked it if I did that.

"Yeah, sorry, I didn't think of it. Next time, maybe, B. We went shopping, it was a good time. Q bought hot clothes! It was weird. Next time you see her, she'll probably look super hot." I pulled the finished quesadilla off the burner and cut it, putting half on my plate and half on B's. Knowing her too well, I waited for her to try to immediately grab the food. I playfully slap her hand away. "Too hot, B. You'll burn yourself."

I can see her frown and she crosses her arms, but listens to me. "Q is always hot, San. Haven't you noticed that about her?" I turned to meet her face with a smirk. She was so flirty, all the time. I laughed. "Yeah, if you're into stretch marks…" B frowns and stares up at me with hurt eyes. "I'm kidding, B. Quinn is hot!" She immediately smiled and waited for me to sit down next to her. I took a bite of my quesadilla. Only after watching my face to see if it was too hot did B take a bite of hers.

We chatted and laughed as we ate dinner. It was so easy just being around her. Our friendship was effortless. She could tell with one look what I was thinking or feeling and I could do the same with her. It was so hard for either of us to hide anything from the other. B was in the middle of spouting off facts about dolphins. Seriously, this girl was like a sponge. She just kept going. I grabbed the plates and took them to the sink to wash them. We had a dishwasher, but for some unknown reason my mom chose to use it to store fucking paper towels. Yeah, she used our dishwasher as a storage unit. "It's only for special occasions, Santana. Your hands work, no?" she would always say to me. We used the dishwasher on Thanksgiving. Like I said, this house creeps me out.

I begin washing everything we got dirty. B is still talking behind me about dolphins… honestly. Suddenly, I feel her arms wrap around my waist and her head on my shoulder. "Thanks for the quesadilla, Sanny. It was delicious." She gives me a tight squeeze, and lets go to grab a towel to dry the dishes. She was gone too soon. I distinctly felt where she had been and wished she were there again.

I drained the water and put my hands up to my sore neck. _God damn that couch…_ I tried kneading the muscles with my fingers to no avail. If this pain didn't go away, I was going to be slow at practice tomorrow and Coach would kill me before we even started. It's like she could smell when we weren't at top form. She was really creepy like that. "What's wrong with your neck, San?"

"I just slept funny on the couch, something's pinched. It'll be fine." I grabbed her hand and led her back to the living room. "Wanna watch a movie?" I noticed quickly I was no longer leading her and felt her begin to pull on my hand.

I felt her leading me to the couch. _Hmm… where is this going, B?_ I think she could feel my apprehension. "Just relax. Sit down on the floor, right here." She positioned me where she wanted me. My back was leaning against the couch. She walked over to the entertainment center and grabbed a movie she hadn't seen before. She got it ready in the DVD player and pressed play. As soon as the DVD began playing, she had crawled behind me. Her legs were draped over the couch and on either side of me. I know from many times before that B gives the best massages… _if that's what this is…_ I was excited.

She reached down, put her hands on my shoulders, and pushed me into a better position. We both stayed focused on the screen. I felt her fingers swiftly and magically tease away the tension in my neck and felt her strong hands knead away the pain that was ailing me before. B never went halfway with something. I knew this was going to be a long massage, they always were. Like I said… she never half-assed anything. Her thumbs worked on my back, her fingers pulled on my tight shoulders. She nimbly guided her fingers over my neck, pressing in all the right places. Her fingers went into the hair at the nape of my neck, softly massaging the muscles there. At this point, I was pretty much mind-orgasming. _I love her fingers, so much. I miss what they can do… _I felt her fingers fall inside my sweatshirt hood and reach my bare skin. She pushes, hard, into my shoulders and neck. It's painful, but I know she's working out the knots. When she's done with the painful part, she runs her fingers slowly over my skin, dragging them softly and teasingly across my warm flesh.

Suddenly, I feel her bend over me. Her face, again, is menacingly close to mine. Her warm lips meet my neck, just under my ear. And just like that, she's leaning back in the couch again. "Better?"

"Yes. Perfect. Thanks, B." I said, leaning into the space her open legs has allowed me. I pull her legs over my shoulders and cuddle them into my lap. Tentatively, I place a small kiss on her right calf and wrap my arms around her legs, hugging them. We sit like that for a few minutes. I give her legs a tight squeeze, and then slide them off of me to sit next to her on the couch so we can finish watching the movie. I toss the blanket over the two of us and cuddle into her side. She links my pinkie through hers. _She's so close, but so far away._


	10. Chapter 10

I wake up to a dark room and the sound of the DVD menu playing over and over again. I squint to see the clock on the DVD player; it was after midnight. _Holy crap… how did we sleep for this long?_ I felt B's slowly and softly breathing body curled around mine, holding me protectively. Rarely was I the little spoon, I just liked it better to curl myself around her, even though there was a size mismatch. She just… fit. I didn't know if she felt the same way about when I was little spoon.

We had fallen to a more comfortable position than the one we were originally in when we were sitting and cuddling together on the couch. B was laying flat across the cushions behind me, and I was snuggled into her front. One of her arms was draped under my neck, falling off the couch. Her other was strongly, possessively, holding me close to her. If I had a problem with closeness issues, I would be flipping out right now. I could feel her whole body wrapped against mine; she even had a leg in between mine. B just slept like this – close to other people. I always felt so loved when I was around her, but I could never tell if it was just because she loved to be close to people. People. Not just Santana Lopez. Insert a Quinn Fabray or a _ugh…_ Hobbit Berry and I'm sure the hold would be just as tight. _Right?_

I close my eyes for a second and just let my body fall back into Britt. She shifts slightly, and her arm locks itself further over my chest. She pulled me impossibly closer. I could literally feel every part of her intertwined with me. I sighed. I just wish this meant as much to her as it did to me. Eventually, I'm going to have to get over my feelings. I wouldn't give up this friendship for all of the Mercedes Benz convertibles and un-max-outable credit cards in the world. I just recently came to terms that these were actually intense feelings, though, and not just sexual frustration. This is going to take some time.

My mind wandered as I closed my eyes and snuggled with B. I thought about what she had said earlier. "Q is always hot, San." I searched through my mind of me ever thinking this before on my own. If I was gay, I would have totally thought about Q before now, right? I mean, she is the picture-perfect version of a female, next to B, of course. Her body was toned and she had mastered the HBIC smirk that, I'll admit, always got me going a little bit. _What? _I pushed that thought out. We all changed together, all the time. Me and a bunch of other scantily clad toned, tanned, and trim ladies, and I had never given them a second look. So… _what does this stuff mean?_

It suddenly dawned on me that I never noticed any of those other girls before because… I was always looking at Brittany. I never had the time to notice anyone else because I was always paying full attention to her, just like I had for the rest of my entire life, that I could remember, anyway. Thinking back to any "relationship" I had had thus far in high school, I always had pinkies linked with her while I made out with any guy in the hallways. _Wow, that is definitely as weird as it sounds in my head right now…_

Even Puck. I slept with many a guy, but he was the guy I kept going back to. It was easiest with him. He was clearly the choice for the "boyfriend," but I was never really into it. He was, by popular vote of the high school, the hottest guy in school. Next to Finnocence… _ugh. Seriously, that kid and his pasty-ass nipples. I just don't see it._ Come to think of it, I don't really see it in Puck, either. The trim six-pack I knew so well he had melted out of my mind, only to be replaced by a vision of softer hips…_ and probably firmer muscles_. B's body was now in my mind.

I suddenly became acutely aware of the fact that her body was on my mind a lot, even when I was with Puck. I mean, "with" Puck, with Puck. I'm pretty sure the only reason I even mildly got off when I was under his much-too-quick, panicked thrusting was because I had such a vivid imagination of B's body. The noises she makes. What her sweat tastes like. What she tastes like… _gotta get off this train of thought, Lopez. No time tonight for a cold shower. _I groan, closing my eyes even tighter, as if that could push the thought of Britt out of my mind. I had tried so many other things to get her out of it, and none of them work. Maybe closing my eyes tighter would. _Who the fuck knows._

I'm totally gay. I know it. I keep trying to explain it away, but I know I am. Nothing with anyone else has ever remotely come close to what B and I have shared, even though that was always strictly without feelings. I always slammed that door when the opportunity presented. I had about a million different lines stored in my back pocket to feed to B if she ever looked like she was getting too involved. I used many of them. _Seriously, I need to stop whining like a fucking kicked puppy. _I forced her into her choice. I can deal. It may be hard, but whatever. I still get B as a best friend. I know Stubbles McCripple Pants will never understand her like I do.

I sigh, one last time. No more feeling sorry for myself. Can't do anything to change what's going on, right? Right. I deeply inhale, just to get the deepest breath of B that I can before I move her. I smell cinnamon and vanilla, with a slight bit of some kind of candy smell. I don't know how she does it, but B always smells a little bit sweet like candy. I know all of her products, and none of them smell like what she does. It's just her.

I roll over so I'm facing her and start softly blowing in her face. I blow on the little hairs that are falling on her forehead, causing them to tickle her. I reach my hand over and run it down her arm, softly tickling her all the way down to her waist. _It's gonna take more than this to wake this girl up… _My hand slides to the hem of her shirt and I feel a little guilty. This is how I know I have feelings for her, strong ones. Before I realized I was like, Nicholas Spark's in love with her, I wouldn't have ever thought twice about touching her, in any way.

I slide my fingers under the hem of her shirt to her oh so warm skin. I blow in her face one last time and begin to run my fingers up her side, feeling her ribs under my fingertips. I say her name and run my fingers up and down, softly tapping them as I move them. I repeat her name again, close to her ear this time. She moves a bit, I know I'm getting through. Takes an elephant to pull her from dreamland, though.

I place my whole hand, flat, against her rib cage. My thumb is kind of caressing the fabric of her bra. I shudder, knowing how close I am to something I want… I squeeze a little with my fingertips and bring my lips to her ear and speak softly, sing-songing her name. "Baby B… Britts. B! Wake up…" I feel her stir, and pull my head back. Her sleepy eyes meet mine. She lazily smiles. "Hi, Sanny."

"Hey," I say, through a chuckle. "Sleep well?"

She nods at me. I tell her what time it is, and she freaks out a bit and reaches her phone from the ground. "Ah, crap." She has like 2 missed calls and a few texts from her parents. _And it looks like some from Wheels._ I can't even think his name, I hate it so much. _Bitter much?_ Her parents know where she is, and it isn't like it's the first time she's fallen asleep here… _or been in the middle of something else…_ that's kept her from going home, but like any good parent, I'm sure they're still nervous that she isn't home when she didn't say she was going to spend the night. At least, I can imagine that's what a good parent would do. My mom didn't seem to give a flying fuck. I enjoy the free rein, though.

"You going to stay? You've still got that spare uniform here and we can stop at your house quick in the morning if you need anything. Q's driving me, we can all go together?" I look at her. I know she's going to say no.

She meets my eyes, yawns, and fires off a text to, presumably, one of her parents. I've been kind of forcing, not really forcing, but planting the idea in her head that I don't want her spending the night lately. In fact, last night was like the first time in a couple of weeks, which for us is insanely long. I don't want to have her in my bed with me, tangled up in me, when I know I can't scratch the itch I've had since I was like three… or something. It's so hard to hold her but have her be the one that's leaving in the morning for someone else. I didn't really realize that I had just asked her to stay without even making it seem like I didn't want her to. In fact, as I played it back in my head, it was kind of like I was telling her all the reasons why she should stay. Besides, you know, the "I'm in love with you" one.

"Yes. I've missed spending the night over here." _There. _That weird-ass eye sparkle again. What did that mean? "Race you upstairs!" I chuckle and slowly move off of her, taking my time. As soon as I'm off enough so she won't hurt me, she bolts up and races off towards the stairs. I'm actually excited she'll be spending the night. _Just 'cuz I can't necessarily keep it doesn't mean I won't test drive it…_ I shake my head, chuckling again, knowing I won't do anything of the sort. I can think about it though, right? We'll cuddle, I'll pine, she'll sleep. Done deal.

I stand and stretch, noting that I feel no twinges of soreness in my neck or back. She has magic fingers and I don't get sore while laying on her. Add that to the list of reasons why Brittany S. Pierce is perfect for one Santana Lopez. Oh my god, I seriously need to stop. I flip off the TV and the DVD player, fold the blanket, and set it on the back of the couch.

I walk to the foyer to turn off the light and make sure the door is locked. It is, and the spare key B used to get in is sitting on the table. I'll have to remember to put that back tomorrow for the next time that I get locked out. I check the kitchen to make sure nothing is out of place. Even though my mother probably won't be back tomorrow, it's still habitual. There's a reason I have a phobia of actually using things in my house like a real person would.

Everything seems right, so I trod up the stairs towards my room, turning off the hall light as I go. B peeks her head out at me, mouth foamy with toothpaste and my toothbrush hanging out of her mouth. She's wearing my t-shirt again. _Seriously, she ninja took it away and ninja brought it back again. _I have no idea where she hid it. She's got some sleep shorts on, mine as well.

I change as she finishes brushing her teeth and we swap places in the bathroom. I hear her turn off the room light and click off the lamp. I do my bathroom stuff and by the time I get back into my room, I figure that she's probably asleep.

She isn't, but she's close.

I climb into bed next to her, happy with how she warms my side. She's always done this, since we were kids. She'll lay down where I normally lay until I come to bed. She's always claimed she was just making it warm for me, but I've seen her try to ninja sneak a sniff of my pillow. Never called her out on it, though. She moves over, making room for me. She rolls over to face the wall, but leaves her hand draped backwards over her body to, of course, link pinkies with me. I shuffle up to her, but don't super cuddle. _I'm not needy, come on. _

Also, since we were kids, we've done this thing before we fall asleep. Kind of like a tradition, when we both remember. We're allowed to ask each other one question and the other person has to answer honestly. We've never really gone to far or weird places with it. B's questions are usually about animals or favorite colors or favorite airplane foods (yeah…) and mine follow the same path. Simple. Fun. Like us. There have only been a few serious ones in our friendship, but never about our "relationship." Neither of us has ever gone there.

She squeezes my pinkie and I know she's so close to falling asleep. Her breathing is already shallow and I can tell when she's close to drifting off. I wondered if she would remember a question. It had been awhile since we'd_ soberly _slept in the same bed. I squeeze back. _Night, baby B. _

I hear her voice whisper out to me, soft, yet thick with sleep. "If you were a dolphin which ocean would you pick? I'd totally pick the California one. I'd be a tan dolphin." She's stumbling over her words; I know she's barely with me.

"I'd pick the same one you were in, B. We would totes be the hottest tan dolphins ever," I whisper back. She doesn't respond. Her breathing is even slower, and I swear I hear a little snore come out of her. She doesn't snore unless she's dead tired. I snuggle just a little bit closer. I swear I'm not being desperate… I just want to feel a little bit more of her. I'm immediately jealous of how easy she can fall asleep.

I know my question. Might as well ask it. I barely whisper it out. "Why didn't you pick me, B?" I lightly kiss her back and close my eyes to sleep. I know it has to be late. Practice is going to be a fucking bitch tomorrow. I start to drift off to my own dreamland.

Next to me, B blinks away the smallest tear, forcing her eyes shut for sleep.

My last thought: I swear I feel her pinkie grip mine tighter.


	11. Chapter 11

_A note, from Brittany_

I'm not stupid. I know that. My parents tell me that every day. I mean, it's hard to believe sometimes because people always make jokes to me about me being stupid and tell me that I'm, like, not a full box of crayons or something about sharp tools, I don't know. They tell me I'm not smart. It's hard not to believe them, or feel sad when they tell me all the time. At least, they used to.

Then, I became friends with Sanny and then Quinn. People didn't come up to me in the hallways anymore or stop me from answering questions during class or laugh at me after I talked. The last time that happened, it took me and Quinn to pull San off of some freshman boy. She was talking in her Spanish voice so fast I couldn't hear all of the words to figure out what they meant, but I knew it wasn't good. I had to have a talk with her later that day about her language. It would definitely make Lord T blush. Since that day, people mostly leave me alone. I don't think they stopped talking about me behind my back, though. Just to my face.

I'm not stupid.

I know that. I know other people don't know. Why should I tell Finn or any of those other guys that I can speak Spanish with Sanny? Or that I totally know a bunch of recipes by heart? Or that I can play piano? _Even San doesn't know that._ Or everything I know about animals? They stop listening to me before I even start talking. The only people that don't do that are Quinn, my family, and Rachel. _I wish I could be friends with her._

And Santana.

She's been the only one in my whole life that has never given me that look. People think I don't see it, even thought they're looking right at me with it. After I say something that, I swear, makes total sense, but they don't think so… they're not in my head. They don't know that it makes total sense, so they give me this look, like, oh honey, what ARE you talking about? That look. San has never given me that. She knows how the wheels work. Sometimes it takes her a few seconds to catch up with me, but I always wait patiently for her to get it. She always does.

I can't help the little tear that squeaks out of my eyes. I tried so hard not to let it fall down. Instead, it rolled down my cheek like a waterslide. _I love waterslides._ What does she mean, why didn't you pick me? I picked her. Every day. For so many years. She's my Santana. I've wanted her for so long. I've been trying to show her for so long!

One time when we were watching the Fox and the Hound, I showed her. It was the first time I really tried hard to show her since all the other times she just didn't seem to get it. I felt super guilty for not paying attention to Tod and Copper, because I swear, when you take your eyes off the screen, it's like the people on the TV can do crazy things. I was sure that every time I watched a movie, if I closed my eyes, the ending would change. My mom told me that wouldn't happen, but I'm still not quite sure. Anyway, I felt bad for not watching Tod and Copper. I mean, what if they didn't become best friends? That would have been so horrible. I couldn't take my eyes off of Sanny, though. I wanted to kiss her. I know I did. I had been having funny feelings in my stomach around her for a while, like when you catch a butterfly in a jar. My butterfly wanted out, so I just leaned over and kissed her. I think I asked her first, I can't remember. I know I liked it though, so much. I totally thought she did, too.

I love Santana. She knows so much about me. She knows how I like my eggs in the morning. Too much of the yellow stuff and they gross me out. It's like the stuff the baby needs to live. Or my favorite coffee. It's never too hot. Extra whipped cream, always. My favorite song, even though I always try to change it and keep it from her – she always knows. She knows the day nanna died by heart and walks with me to put little flowers where she's buried. I never have to remind her.

I know she doesn't know all of the little things I know about her. I know HER coffee order, and I always ask them to put more whipped cream on it because she secretly loves it so much, calories and all. _Which I don't know why she cares about calories. Her body makes my legs feel like jelly._ I know which French fries she likes the most – the crispy baby ones that get left behind after you eat all the daddy long leg ones. Her favorite color changes like my favorite song does, but I know it will always fall back to blue. Not like the sky. She told me once blue like my eyes. I know her favorite Gatorade flavors and always sneak them from the package at my house into my Cheerios bag so I can give them to her. My mom noticed me doing that though, so now she always buys a whole pack of Sanny's favorite flavor.

I know the piano parts to her "top five songs she can't live without." I know all the words, too. Even if it's hard for me to remember lyrics, I know those songs. I know she misses her mom, but loves her dad. I just don't know why she didn't pick me. We don't talk about stuff like that. I can talk to her about everything, but we don't talk about feelings. San told me she's like a Lopez clam. I didn't really get what that meant, but my dad told me it was something about how she closes up real tight to hide her pearl inside. I asked him why she didn't let anyone see the pearl, and he said that someday, she would. Just have to wait it out. I've been waiting.

I love being with her. I love her sweet lady kisses and how she makes me feel. I've had feelings for Santana since I noticed the butterfly in my stomach. My mom said it wasn't actually a real butterfly, so that made me feel better. But, I've always chosen her. She told me that she didn't want me like that. I guess I understand. Sweet lady kisses feel nice, but I guess she was just practicing with me all those times for like Puck or something. I didn't know why we practice so much. Santana was already really good at it.

When Artie asked me to hang out with him, I had no reason to say no. He's cool and he's pretty nice to me. He's a sloppy kisser, nothing like Santana. He gives me rides on his wheelchair and he's got these super awesome light-up wheels for it. My mom says she thinks he's nice. I care about him. He doesn't make me feel like Santana does, but no one does. We were just practicing, so now I have someone to like, play with. When he asked if I would be his girlfriend, I said yes. He makes me feel good and he holds my hand at the mall and stuff. He likes to show me off – it makes me feel like I'm special. He does nice things for me, too. He bought me coffee last week. It was just the black stuff like my dad drinks so I didn't actually drink it. Lord T told me it was way gross, so I've never tried it. I'll have to ask San to try it for me first and let me know how it goes.

I'm happy with Artie. This is what happy feels like, right?

I feel Sanny snuggle into my back. She was never a snuggler before, but lately she's been super snuggly. She must like how I smell or something. I think I just felt her lips on my back, but I can't tell for sure through the t-shirt I'm wearing. This is my favorite t-shirt. No matter how many times I wash it, it still smells just like her. I feel so safe when I wear it, like nothing can touch me. I steal it a lot, and I'm pretty sure San doesn't notice because I like, totally wash it and put it back in the drawer where I got it from when I bring it back to her house. Good as new.

What does she mean I didn't pick her? I know she thinks I'm sound asleep, but I squeeze her pinkie tighter. Maybe if I squeeze her pinkie tight enough, she'll pop open her clam shell. I still feel the tickle of the tear on my face, but Santana's face is close to my back and I feel safe 'cuz she's there. I'm going to close my eyes and sleep now.

_I wish she knew I would totally pick her. _


	12. Chapter 12

My alarm was blaring, loudly. I groan at the rude awakening back to the real world, reminding me that school is starting up again way too soon. _Not that I really ever get to sleep in that much, anyway._ I throw a hand over my eyes and reach a heavy arm over to my obnoxious alarm clock. I yawn and stretch out all of my limbs… noticing how much room I have in my bed. _What the hell? _I _know_ I went to bed last night with B.

I blink my eyes a few times and rub the sleep out of them. _Weird._ I get up to pee and shove my toothbrush in my mouth. I despise morning breath. I walk down the stairs… there's no one down here. The kitchen light is on – I know I didn't leave that on last night. I can't believe she just left. I was pretty sure we decided that she was going to spend the night last night, and she definitely isn't the type to leave in the morning. _That's always been me. _I have a weird feeling in my chest and I'm worried. 

I look at my cell phone that I brought down with me. No messages. I put my hair in a messy ponytail, give my teeth one last once over, and spit the toothpaste into the kitchen sink, watching the foam spin down the drain. I'm worried about B. Before I hit number two on my speed dial, I hear the front door softly open and softly close. Normal people would probably be alarmed, but I was more alarmed with the fact that B was gone. It seemed more plausible to me that she was coming back now, instead of someone coming in to rob me of all my, well, expensive belongings. _I would totes steal my DVD collection._

Peeking my head around the wall towards the foyer, I see that it is B sneaking in. She has her Cheerios bag slung over her shoulder, but otherwise she looks the same as she did when we went to sleep last night. For once, the turn of events… she doesn't know I'm watching her this time.

She's bending over to untie and pull off her shoes. She really is beautiful. I know the totally acceptable lingo usually has something to do with "a bangin' body" or "fucking hot." I definitely would be one of the first to use those descriptions of B, but really, beautiful kind of sums it up more. It's more than just her body, her eyes, her smile… it's her personality. I really do love every little bit of her. I sigh and lean into the wall I'm peeking around. B hears me and looks up, her eyes lighting up like a deer in the headlights. Well, they do for a second. Then, she's laughing at me. I definitely have my toothbrush still haphazardly hanging out of my mouth. _Probably lookin' fine, Lopez… way to go. _I pull the toothbrush out and smile. "Morning, B. Where'd you run off to?"

She walks past me toward the kitchen and sets her Cheerios bag down on the island. "Morning!" she cheerfully said. "I ran home quick to get my Cheerios bag and say hi to my mom before she went to work. I didn't know if Q knew I was here and if we would have enough time to stop at my house. I don't like when Coach Sylvester is mad at me, like that one time she made me run until I puked? I hate puke." I laugh at her tangents. Her stories always make me laugh. "You do still have my uniform though, right?"

"Yep! We should get dressed, Q will be here in like 15 minutes." I can't believe that it's only just shy of 6 in the morning. These 6:45am practices were crazy, but Coach will be the first one to tell you that whiners and late sleepers don't make national champions. She may have unconventional approaches, but they were actually successful. _Have you seen our trophy room?_

I slowly pad up the stairs and feel B close behind me. I turn into my room and open my closet door, pulling out two uniforms. B grabs hers and inspects it closely. "Relax, B. I got it dry-cleaned with mine. Should be up to the royal Commandant's standards." I see her continue to check it over, but only for a few more seconds. She strips her shirt off over her head and pulls the top off the hanger. I turn away to set my uniform on the bed. I can't watch her right now. I'll be watching her do sexy things all practice. Don't need to get the "you're not getting any of that" train started this early in the morning.

We used to shower before cheer practice until we realized it was a giant waste of time. Coach's established rules made sure that you were "displaying the sheen of trained athletes" before she even arrived on the field. We were supposed to run at least a mile before she got there. Why shower just to get gross again? Plus, we always hit the showers right afterwards. Now my mind was wandering to the Cheerios showers… I have many a memory with B with those sea-foam green tiled walls as a backdrop. I almost shudder involuntarily as the memories creep into my mind; the shiver travels down my back. _How will showers go now that B and I aren't hooking up every fifteen minutes? _I choose not to worry about that until later. Pulling my top on, I turn to grab my spanx from my dresser drawer. B is putting the finishing touches on her Quinn-approved cheer pony. Looks perfect from this side. She must have already had her spanx on. Or she was just naked for a few seconds behind me and I just missed it… _damn._

She meets my eyes in the mirror and smiles. I give her a warm smile back, trying to pour all the emotion I just can't say into the smile. I've been trying to do that lately. I know I can't say the words out loud to her, but maybe if I cuddle into her a little bit more or hug a little tighter, she'll just be able to feel what I'm thinking. It would be easier if she really could just read my mind.

I decide to go with modesty (_apparently feelings for someone make you kind of shy)_ and walk to the bathroom with my spanx and skirt. Closing the door partially, I start to pull them on. "Are you ready for practice, B? Hopefully she doesn't go as hard as she did last year." B and I were both so sore we couldn't sit to pee without almost crying for like a week. It got easier, but I'm sure Coach S would have loved to know she practically reduced us to crawling around for a week.

"You can't be ready for hell week, Sanny. Coach told us that!" It was true, she did tell us that. She told us it wasn't worth working out to get ready for practices since we could never be good enough, even with her patented routine of protein shakes and bars. The shake with raw eggs in it made B gag every time, so I made sure to look up some other alternatives that were high in protein but "safer for the baby chicks." Still, I was glad I had been running a lot lately. It will at least make the athletic parts of practice easier. I was pretty sure B never had to work out. Dance was all her body needed to look like she does, and she was in perfect shape.

I walk out into my room and see her check herself out in the mirror one last time. I stand next to her, put my hand on my hip and jut out my leg. I tighten my own ponytail and raise my chin defiantly. I can sense her worry about her appearance. "Every boy's fantasy," I say, playfully hip-checking her and meeting her eyes in the mirror. That didn't seem to help. Reaching my hand over, I pull her beautifully pouty chin to point her face at me. Meeting her endless blue eyes, I cock my head ever so slightly and lower my voice. "You look beautiful, B." I think that may be the first time I've ever said that out loud to her. It felt good to say it… _but also extremely awkward. Feelings showing, much? _I retracted my hand as quickly as I had put it on her face… dropped it like it was hot. I turned towards my bed where I had dropped my phone. Grabbing it, I tossed it in my duffel and asked towards B, "Ready?"

She nods at me. "I'm super excited for the routines!" As we walked down the stairs, she kept rambling about moves and choreography and insert properly trained dance terms here… I almost could never keep up with the morning fireball that was Britt. Girl could talk at all hours, but I had the hardest time keeping up with her in the mornings. It's like her brain went 75 miles an hour and mine was barely puttering along, stuck in neutral. Coffee usually jutted me forward into at least first gear, but of course, the Cheerios caffeine restrictions were now in effect.

In the kitchen, I search through the fridge for Gatorade. I always ask my mom to pick some up for me, but for some reason it never either makes it onto the shopping list or into the cart. I check the pantry just in case there's some in there, but of course there isn't. _That would be too convenient._ I sigh, grab a bottle of water, and shut the pantry door. I would lecture my mom about electrolyte imbalances, but the main joke of that thought has something to do with lecturing my mom. _Yeah, right. _

Turning back to the island, I catch B bending over from zipping up my Cheerios bag. I give her an inquisitive look, but she gives me an innocent look back and swings her own bag over her shoulder. She lifts mine to hand it to me. I unzip my bag to put the water into it, and my heart swells when two bottles of the "No Excuses" Gatorade stare back up at me. Of course, it's my favorite flavor, and of course, B grabbed some for me when she stopped off at her house for her Cheerios bag. _Best friend, ever. _I don't even remember ever telling her that kind was my favorite.

B has already danced her way to the front door and is opening it for me. I'll be sure to thank her later. She pirouettes her way to the middle of the lawn, off in her own little world. I pull the door shut and lock it behind me. Remembering my thoughts from early this morning, I quickly unlock the door and run inside to grab the spare key. My dad wouldn't be able to come home to open the door for me if I misplaced my key, and I don't even know what city my mom is in. I safely put the spare back under the rock and safely, _I hope,_ tuck my keys into my Cheerios bag. I turn around, and B is still spinning with the morning dew, her shockingly white cheer shoes giving strong contrast to the green grass of my front yard. I take her in for a minute, watching as Quinn's car pulls up to the curb behind her.

I meet Quinn's sunglasses and she smiles, putting a hand up in a small wave to me. B comes out of her spin and rushes to Quinn's car, dropping her bag off in the trunk and piling into the front seat. B loves Q so much. Well, I guess B loves everyone so much. If you want to see how to treat another person, you don't have to look much further than Britt. She reminds me of my shortcomings as a "nice person" on a daily basis.

As I climb into the back seat after depositing my heavy cheer bag in the trunk, I see Britt has latched onto Quinn, giving her as bone-crushing a hug as one can through a seatbelt. Q hugs back just as strongly. I could never protect B as well as I do without Quinn. I know Quinn started off doing it because she wanted to support me, but I know she also loves B. In her own way, she loves us both – we're her best friends.

"Que pasa, Q?" The Spanish rolls over B's lips so naturally, I have to feel proud. "Are you still hung over?" Quinn smiles at B and goes off into a long-winded story about coffee, greasy Chinese food, and a three-hour nap. As they comfortably chat in the front seat, I lean my head against the window and watch the world go by. The trees pass into stoplights and stop signs, and I watch the scenery turn into the blacktop of the William McKinley High School parking lot. I hear the ends of Quinn's story to B, and hear B toss in some Spanish anecdotes. As Quinn cuts the engine, I get ready for the imminent change. I exit the car and go to the trunk, pulling out my own and B's bags. She's still laughing when she reaches my side; I pass her the bag and she tosses it over her shoulder. Q locks her car and I hand her bag over, still emblazoned with the large gold "C" for captain – I'm sure that wouldn't change.

As we fall into step to walk towards the field, I feel the air of the transformation around me. Q walks slightly ahead of Britt and me. I walk to the left, and B walks to the right. B no longer speaks. I know I won't hear any more Spanish from her until we're back in the confines of our own privacy, away from watching eyes. In fact, I won't hear her say much except for the classic one-liners the rest of the student body has come to expect. I love trying to decipher which ones B actually comes up with on the spot, and which ones B has had ready in her arsenal for forever. She loves feeding into what people think about her. She's so secure in herself that she can do that; I'm jealous about it every day.

However, the most amazing transformation is happening in front of me. I don't need to see Quinn's face to know that her features have changed. That her jovial smile from the car has been replaced with a deep smirk, and that her eyes have turned distant and cold. Her posture, if possible, has become even more ramrod straight, and the air of defiance in her raised chin is impossible to miss. This was HBIC Quinn. The Quinn that cared what everyone thought and was the queen of this school. The Quinn with walls that rivaled my own and the Great Wall of China. The Quinn whose parents kicked her out on her ass. The hurting Quinn.

But before we could get much further, I see Quinn toss her head over her right shoulder and give B a passionate smile and a wink. Not quite the same Quinn. People change, right? _I know I'm trying to. _

**A/N: I'm planning on this being a long story, but I know what every true Brittana fic should be about, so to hold you over… the next chapter will have a Cheerios shower scene flashback. Just to keep you interested. :) Thanks for reading! Please keep reviewing and coming back!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hell Week, Sophomore Year**

_1. She doesn't really like airplane rides, but she'll go on them. Her absolute favorite part is at the end, when you land, trying to guess exactly the moment the wheels would hit the tarmac. She was almost always right._

I slowly walked in from the field, B and Quinn not far behind me. I could hear Quinn barking at some girls about their form in the choreography – she wasn't impressed. I was hot and sweaty. It had been a hard practice, like always. We were halfway through hell week, and each day had only been harder than the last. Each step I took reminded me of how sore my muscles already were, and how sore they would be tomorrow. Only to get impossibly more sore as the week went on.

B was walking slowly, deliberately. I was painfully in tune with her today. Quinn, B, and I had been paired for lifts for most of the practice. As much as I'd like to say I got to be the base, I'm like the smallest girl in the world, so that never happened. _I barely break 100 pounds… _The plus side of it – Britt's hands were always all over me. She was responsible for my safety; she never let me fall. Quinn never did either, but for some reason her hands on my bare thighs never really garnered my attention.

B had a towel around her neck and her water bottle in her right hand. Her left hand was under her cheer top, resting on her hip. She was sore too, but she never had any problems with anything physically. B was toned and strong, and I usually was the one that had to keep up with her. _And I'm in great shape. _We reached the entrance to the school and walked through the doors. The AC was so cool it made me almost immediately uncomfortable, drying my sweat to my skin, making me feel sticky. A shower sounded glorious. I couldn't wait to take one.

_2. She loves Almond Joy, but won't eat the almond. She always gives it to me._

B and I had been hooking up all summer, whenever the opportunity arose. When her parents were out of town, when mine were out of town… all over. Our rooms, my pool, my couch, her couch… it didn't matter. We always were in the mood, or at least I was. B instigated it more than a few times, so that made me feel like she wanted it too. She always went along with me when I initiated anything, but I always tried to remain in control. I didn't want B to think that this was important or that it meant anything that it didn't. I just wanted to get off. Apparently, B did too. What we did worked, well. _No complaints from me. _And it hadn't gotten weird. No lingering touches or cuddles, just wham, bam, thank you ma'am. _The wham bam was the best part._

Not to say it wasn't hot… but everything was so fast paced. There wasn't so much time to think, just pure passion. It usually only had one speed and one goal. I never had any complaints or problems with that. Neither did B.

_3. She thinks tomatoes are the nastiest things in the world. I don't get it, I've never gotten it. They're not that bad. She loves ketchup and salsa, though._

The remainder of the team that wasn't walking with us was already almost cleared from the locker room. Everyone that was left was walking in now. It was only me, Quinn, Brittany, and a scattered few remaining girls that didn't get the choreography right. Q made sure they got it, using me and B as an example to hammer out the important details. It took like 20 minutes for them to understand (_stupid junior girls)_ and after all that time had passed, almost everyone had cleared out of Dodge. Usually, when I was done with these practices, I showered in like 30 seconds and B and I got the hell out, drove back to my house, and lounged by the pool for awhile, letting our sore muscles rest. Today, though… I felt like today was going to be different.

_4. Girl will never read a book, never has. She hates to read, unless the books have pictures. Since fifth grade, I've always read the books and talked her through the chapters like I was telling her the story. She calls it "Story time with Sanny." _

The few girls that weren't B or I quickly set down their stuff by their respective lockers, stripped off their uniforms, and booked it to the shower. Q included. She had to have her post-practice meeting with Coach, which usually took a long time. Lord knows what they talked about; I don't think I ever wanted to know. Probably some maniacal plan to take over the world. That's usually the reason Q didn't hang out with us after practice. She was stuck in her HBIC frame of mind after her long sessions with Coach and was kind of a huge fucking drag to be around. These were the rockiest parts of our friendship. She knew how to push my buttons while she had the HBIC mask on, and I, a fiery spiteful Latina, knew how to jam her buttons back. B didn't like it, so we usually just tried to stay away until we both cooled our Sue Sylvester jets. Come 2 in the afternoon, we usually could be pleasant around each other.

I watch B take her time in reaching her locker, a few down from mine. She slowly ran her towel across her face, red-tinged from the summer heat. She was sweaty. The glisten looked good on her. I couldn't help but notice… I was horny. I was usually so good at being able to put it off. If I got turned on every time B lifted me at practice, it would not be a good thing. I would need to find a new partner. Today, though… was different. It was like her holds on my legs would always leave her hand perilously close to my center. I could feel pressure from her fingertips, lingering ever so slightly. She wanted me to know her touch was there. It was easy to notice. We would do lifts where Q and B were a double base, each holding a leg of mine. Even with my eyes closed, I would have known whose hands were causing the reaction in me. _God, weird thought. Hopefully I would know if Quinn's hands were…_

_5. She could eat macaroni and cheese for every meal. Happily._

I bit my lip and tried to settle myself down. I tried to think of the mailman or whatever the fuck Puck told me Finn would imagine. As I cautioned a look over to B one more time, I realized her eyes were meeting mine, smoldering. _What has gotten into her?_ She bit her lip, in a much more sensual way than I just did. We weren't speaking, but I could see the desire and want in her dark eyes. _God, those lips…_

"Santana?" I was brought back to reality and tried to paste a casual look on my face as opposed to the face of a horndog I'm sure I was displaying. I cleared my throat. "Huh?" I said, peeling my eyes away from B to the towel-clad Quinn Fabray that was behind me, opening her locker. "I said, why haven't you girls hit the shower yet?" Oh. That's what she said. I didn't have an answer. I was just moving slow… my muscles hurt and I was eye-sexing my best friend. But… how to answer Quinn? Snark?

"I'm waiting for all your nasty hair to go down the drain before I go in there and get it all over my feet, Fabray. I like a clean surface." I snarl, daring her to ask me my intentions again. She looks at me with icy eyes. "I think you're probably safe, then. I'm meeting with Sue. Shut the lights off when you're done in here, yeah? Looks like you two will be the last ones left." With a slam and a final glare, Q slams her locker and walks away. _Weird… how long have I been standing here? _I look around, the locker room is empty. B is standing in a towel, her shower tote dangling loosely in her hand. She looks at me questioningly… I am still fully dressed in a smelly, sweaty cheer uniform. I feel the breeze as Quinn storms past, reminding me of my sticky dried sweat. I feel gross. My eyes catch B shut her locker, stare at me piercingly with her eyes, and walk towards the shower. I almost looked away… but as Britt got halfway to the showers, her towel casually dropped to the ground. I would have been shocked, but I was too turned on. Her perfect firm ass disappeared into a shower stall much too soon. I heard the water turn on.

_6. I can tell you where all of her scars are. I can tell you which ones I put bandaids on when we were kids, and which ones made her cry the most._

Turning back to my locker, I rest my forehead on the cool metal for a few seconds. I was sore, but I could also feel my heart rate quicken as I considered what was awaiting me merely feet away. She could bring me from 0 to 60 in milliseconds… it was even worse when I was already turned on, and she knew that. She knew the power she had with me. _Dropping the towel… was that an invitation? _I open the door to my locker and pull off my top as I make a decision. _What I wants, I gets. _I know what I want. I take a quick peek around the locker room one last time, just to make sure everyone is gone. I know everyone is gone and that Quinn won't be coming back. Now that I've set my mind on something, I let myself get into it. My legs feel kind of weak (_I can't tell if that's from all the mileage I ran today)_ and my head is buzzing. I reach the zipper on my skirt and slide it down, pulling off my spanx. I grab my towel, wrap it loosely around my body, and look at my shower tote in the bottom of my locker before I slowly close the locker door. _Not gonna use that._

_7. She has an obsession with swimsuits. She owns like 50._

I square my shoulders, raise my chin, and pull my aching muscles step by step toward the water I hear. Step by step. My level of being turned on increases exponentially with each step I take. I know what's waiting for me at the end – a naked B. _I… am… a… horndog._

I take in the seafoam green (_blech) _tiles and the huge emblazoned WMHS on the walls. The shower room is still steamy from all the girls that just showered; the air is thick, and it's kind of hard to breathe. As I pass the walls, I see B before she sees me. She's running her hands over her body, but I don't see any soap… I'm immediately more turned on. Every time with B I reach heights I didn't actually know I could hit. I didn't think anything of it; I just enjoyed myself. Her eyes meet mine, and they are considerably darker than they were even minutes ago. She looks at me, and I feel like she can see my soul, penetratingly. My eyes break away from hers to see her long, beautiful fingers slide down her chest ever so slowly, teasingly. Her hand reaches her belly button, slides lower… and I can't take it anymore. I drop my towel to the wet floor _(that's going to be nasty later)_ and take two steps to cross the threshold into the shower stall. The ceramic-tiled walls between each stall only come up halfway. If you wanted, you could totally, easily, sneak a peek on the person next to you. And there was definitely room for at least two… _comfortably._

_8. She wants to learn to knit, just so she can make Lord T a scarf._

I can't bridle the heat and passion that I have. I see this as one of my strong points, but I suppose it could be seen as a weak point, too. I know what I want, and I won't stop until I get it. I know what I want… it's tall, blonde, and beautiful… and achingly close to my outstretched hands. Carefully, I press her _so_ naked body to the shower wall behind her; she doesn't protest, but pulls me even closer. I push her from the steadily streaming, steaming water, so that my head ends up underneath the showerhead. The water slides down my hot body; I can feel the rivets as the water trickles down my back. Strongly, powerfully, I push the larger, perfect body flush with the wall. My mouth meets hers, hungrily. For some reason, I am having the damn hardest time hitting the breaks on this… all I'm getting are throttle and drive.

I push strands of soaked hair out of B's face as I press my naked body into hers, pushing my mouth to hers. Our tongues are fighting for dominance; usually B doesn't fight for this. This time, it's going to be all about her… I can tell. _God… damn._ I relinquish control and let her set the tone of the kiss. It's powerful and hot, and without warning, I feel her teeth bite down on my tongue. _Oh… so that's how this is going to be. _She knows when she uses her teeth, I go into overdrive. Her nails rake down my back. I know I'll have marks after this.

I don't think I've ever seen B this aggressive. She knows what she wants in bed and knows what she likes, but usually she just lets me lead. Right now, she is completely in control. If it were even possible, the kiss gets deeper. I need her now. I think she can feel that too, because without warning, she breaks the kiss. I feel her strong arms snake around my waist. She lifts me up; I reflexively wrap my legs around her body, holding on. _God… she is so strong. _I feel her slick, strong arms, holding me safely as her mouth hungrily meets my neck. I've never felt so wanted before.

Her teeth nip on my neck and she pulls my hips closer to her; my wet heat touches her bare abdomen and I can't help a guttural moan that slides, smooth as butter, out of my mouth. _I need her. _I can't believe how turned on I am… I don't think this will take very long.

_9. She loves rollercoasters. I hate them. She always holds my hand, reminding me of something warm and safe._

I can't help it. My hips start rocking, sliding over the warm water that is still streaming over us, causing our hair to strand over our eyes in curtains. I wrap my arms tightly around B's back and bring my lips to her collarbone. It's hard to leave trailing open-mouthed kisses because the water is constantly cascading down my lips and falls into my mouth. I leave small love bites. _Thank god for concealer._ I try to stay within the confines of where her cheer top would fall, but I can't really completely think straight or control myself here.

I need her now.

Her hands trail down my waist and reach my hips, her fingers digging in. She pulls my hips up slightly so her hand would have room to fit in between us. I'm shaking with anticipation. B leans back to the shower wall to steady herself, leaving me directly under the showerhead. As she leans forward to passionately kiss me, her head falls under the stream, as well. As we kiss, we have to break more often than normal… it's hard to breathe through our noses with the hot water on us. The water falls, tickling my back, my face… B's fingers are now on my abdomen, leaving feather touches through the streams of water. She's teasing me. _I can't_… I just rock my hips again, trapping her hand between us, but forcing the contact I'm craving so desperately. I can't help it again… I moan. _I'm loud. _B loves the soundtrack. I feel the result it has on her actions.

She gets the hint, and fireworks explode behind my eyes as her fingers begin exploring, feeling my heat. I know it will only take her a few seconds to realize exactly where I was on my road to orgasm… she was always hauntingly knowledgeable about what I needed. She read me like a book. I'm panting, and water is pushing my hair into my eyes. I close them. Don't need to see for this part, anyway.

After her short exploration, she knows I'm ready, strongly braces me, and relentlessly plunges two fingers deep inside of me. She knows I can take two. I can't control the noises that are coming out of my mouth, I probably sound so pathetic right now. I can't even control my hips any more. B's footing is sure… _would have been hard to explain the broken hip to the ER doc, which hopefully wouldn't be my dad…_ and between her strong arm and my insatiable thirst for B, we fall into a smooth rhythm. Faster, because everything with B is never quite fast enough. I try to catch up with how turned on I am, but I can't… just keep climbing up to the top of the roller coaster. This was the scariest part. Falling down.

B knows me, more than just my favorite song or color. She knows this will eventually get me off. She's making quick work of me while passionately kissing my neck… sucking, biting, tasting. I suddenly feel her thumb on my clit. I'm at the top of the roller coaster. _Just a little push…_ B is perfect with rhythms – it's like a symphony. Her strong arm holding me up squeezes me tighter, just as her hot breath cuts through the water falling around us. Her lips meet mine in a passionate kiss. I can barely keep up through my panting. I have to break it, and I rest my head against hers. My hips are rocking and I am so close to the edge. She controls the symphony. Her thumb speeds up, crossing over me delicately in tight circles.

I'm rocking. I'm at the brink, where you can see for miles. My heart speeds up in anticipation for what's next.

I feel the push, and the roller coaster car travels its way over the steep descent. I lose it, control was never mine anyway. I come, hard. I feel my muscles clenching and releasing, clenching and releasing. I again, can't help the noises that are coming out of my mouth. Spanish, I think. I'm pouring Spanish out of my mouth; I don't even know what I'm saying. I can't even think coherently. _I wonder if B can understand. _I'm still shaking, and B is holding me tenderly as the last waves ride out. Her strong arms are still holding me tightly. She waits until I'm completely down, until the roller coaster has completely evened out. I unwrap my legs from her so she can slowly, softly, set me down. Our eyes meet, just for a second. Her arms are still around me. She reaches her head down, her eyes never leaving mine. Keeping them open, she delivered a soft, sensual, perfect kiss onto my stunned lips. The eye contact never broke, and I felt safe, and warm. It was like a challenge. After holding my eyes a few seconds longer, B put her head under the stream of water, closed her eyes, and ran her hands through her hair. She handed me her body wash, and she shampooed her hair. Just like that.

_10. I know everything about her. I love her. Just like that._

**A/N: Please enjoy! Leave me some love.**


	14. Chapter 14

_Back to present day…_

We walk towards the middle of the field and I check my watch: 6:39am. We made good time. There's only like four other girls here, stretching in the grass. Practice may "start" at 6:45, but Coach won't roll in until 7:15. I'm sure it's some kind of trust thing, that she knows we'll get there when we're supposed to and run until she arrives. God knows I wouldn't want to arrive at 7:15 and have her catch me totally unwarmed up. She'd have my ass. I may be fiery, but she's spiteful.

I drop my bag in the grass and B and Q set theirs down next to mine. Quinn is eyeing the girls that are a few yards away stretching, and B is taking a last sip of her water bottle. I sit on the grass, reaching towards my toes and feeling a tight, but pleasurable strain in my muscles. I, again, thanked the sweet baby Jesus I hadn't sat on my ass all summer long, like Rachel McNally did. I looked over at her attempting to touch her toes… _looks like all of that junk doesn't quite fit into her cheer top anymore... eesh._ I made sure to stretch out all my muscles and watched as Quinn and B followed my actions. I stood, stretched my shoulders and arms, jumped around a bit, and took a deep breath. Let hell week begin. _Game on. _

I walked towards the track and began slowly jogging, warming up. Since we were early, I knew I had a little extra time to run, but I should still use all the time before Coach comes. _I've gotta pace myself._ B falls in step next to me, but Quinn takes off ahead of us at a faster pace. I know she'll have no problems keeping it up. Girl is like a gazelle. Too bad she would never run for the track team – I'm pretty sure she could win some medals or something.

B and I don't speak as we run. It's early, the weather is nice, if a little hot, and we're taking in the surroundings. Well, as much as there is to look at, besides the turf of the field next to us, the bleachers, and the track we were running on. We've cheered for so many games here. For our horrendous football team. I don't think anyone came to even watch football, just the smoking hot Cheerios… the only WMHS team that could actually win shit, occasionally. And by occasionally, I mean all the god-damned time.

We ran a few laps around the track, making good time. I picked up the pace a little bit, but not much. B followed my lead. We were desperately trying to keep our stamina and energy. Somehow, without fail, no matter how in shape or how much you're prepared for Sue's hell week, you still spend the afternoon after the first day on your ass with bags of ice on every single muscle. I sigh, knowing that trying to slow down was futile. _Being sore never killed anyone, right?_

With every lap we took, more girls arrived. They had set their bags by ours and were falling in with us, running the laps around the track. B and I had already run our first mile and were working on our second. Unconsciously, we were watching the competition. There were many of the same girls from last year. They was some fresh blood, but not much. A few young girls who will be new to McKinley this year looked absolutely terrified. If I had ever been scared in my life before… which I haven't… I would know what they were feeling… which I don't. Of course. Their wide eyes rivaled the size of dinner plates. I chuckled. _I'm sure Q will have some plans to break them in. _

I checked the time on my watch: 7:08. I slowed my pace considerably, B falling into step next to me. If we didn't do a cool down we would more than likely die of heart attacks… _tragic. _I still feel good – I know B does too. It takes a lot to tire the girl, let me tell you.

I look over at B. We're both sufficiently sweaty to pass Coach's pre-practice test, she would know we didn't just show up. _Although there were a couple of girls that did… yikes._ I'm pretty sure one just had a coffee cup in her hand, too. Cooled down, we stop next to our bags and I open one of the Gatorades that B snuck in there. I playfully pushed her shoulder, making her miss her mouth with her water bottle and spill it on her top. Giggling, I tell her thanks for the Gatorade. She smiles back at me. "Of course, Sanny. Breakfast of champions." I shake my head. "Wheaties. That's Wheaties, but you're close." She drinks a few more gulps of her water, quickly capping it and tossing it into her bag. I turn to see what lit the fire under her ass and see a sunglasses-wearing, megaphone-holding she-demon making her way towards the center of the field. I quickly dropped my Gatorade into my bag and fell into formation next to B. Q, of course, stayed in her old captain spot in the front of the pack. I was interested to see what was going to happen with that. Pulling captain from Fabray would be a bitch move, but I wouldn't put it past Coach to do it, to make some kind of example. _Like watching Quinn's journey last year didn't teach other students to practice safe sex… yeah, right. _Coach usually made an announcement at the end of the first day of practice. For the last two years, it had been Quinn Fabray.

She took one look at the group and I flinched, seeing the look in her eye. She obviously saw something out of place. I was confident it wasn't B or me. At least, I think it wasn't. She marched between the perfect rows of uniformed teenagers, and I could feel her stop a little behind me to my right. Not daring to turn around, I hear the squelch of the megaphone, although I'm sure she's standing right next to her target. "Ashley. You've apparently completely dried of sweat since your mandatory mile run. Care to enlighten the rest of us on your anti-perspiration technology? I have a wonderful contact lasting from Soviet Russia that would help me make millions." I hear no response. "Jenna, Sarah… you also appear to possess the same knowledge. Perhaps you can all discuss your trade secrets on your mile warmup run that should have been completed _(I hear the megaphone squelch as her voice raises) _PRIOR TO PRACTICE." I chuckle to myself – those were definitely the three girls I saw stumble onto the field minutes before Sue arrived. Her perception was uncanny… _I'm pretty sure she actually was a she-demon…_

Coach made her way back to the front of the pack as the three girls took off towards the track. Becky Jackson, her constant follower and apprentice, took her megaphone from her as she handed her a bottle containing, I'm sure, a nasty protein shake, and a clipboard. She listed names, and the young, horrified-looking girls stepped forward. "Welcome to hell week. If you manage to survive and I deem you worthy, you will be a part of an internationally recognized, winning cheer squad. In fact, the only winning squad at this school. If you cannot survive this week, I recommend transferring to another school within the district because I will not want to see your faces of failure traipsing the halls of my school." She peers over her sunglasses… I think one of the girls looks to be on the verge of pissing her pants. "Is that clear?" They all nod and step back into line. "Good. Becky? Call out the drills."

Coach went to go sit on her director's chair, watching and taking notes while simultaneously drinking her shake. I felt her eyes on me more than once, and I made sure to defiantly raise my chin. _Okay, yeah, so I was terrified of her… but she didn't have to know that, right? _I mean, I could at least pretend to have a backbone. I looked over at B. She was, of course, having the time of her life. Dancing, anything with movement, she loved it. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen Coach call her out for a misstep anywhere. B has almost always been the one (along with me, sometimes) that Coach uses to show other people why they are "incompetent monkey brains." I notice I'm still staring at B, watching her body easily perform the tasks Becky is shouting at us, using the megaphone for good measure.

Her legs are long, lean, and oh-so-sinful. She makes the Cheerios outfit look better than it probably should on anyone. It's like it was designed for her. I could see the definition in her legs, toned muscles peeking out from the red, black and white pleats. Her ponytail was perfect. It took Quinn and I so damn long to convince her to only use the regulation ponytail holder issued to us with the rest of our gear. She loved trying to add her own flair, make the uniform her own. We kind of felt back forcing her to conform… actually, I felt bad, I don't think Quinn cared, she just didn't want to have to yell at her. Quinn eventually got her to somehow masterfully accomplish a Cheerios ponytail every day. If B was going to be a top bitch with us, she had to conform. _I sure had._

The practice dragged on, gruelingly so. I thought it had started off easy, but then Coach brings out the full football field killer sprints and I forget what it feels like to have oxygen in my lungs. I think a lot of the team did, besides Quinn, B, and I. I know I'm feeling it, but as I see chunky projectile vomit spewing from a sophomore's mouth, dangerously close to Coach, I feel pretty good about my current state. If only she would have puked on Coach… _wanky._

We, of course, push on even harder after that. We're upping the amplitude, and I know that there usually isn't such a thing as easing into the next level. After a few hours of the punishing athletic workouts, Coach gives us five and I rush to my bag for water. I know not to chug it. Apparently, one of the freshies doesn't, and for the second time, I see projectile vomit. Never gets old at hell week. I cautiously take a sip of water, and then pour a little over my face. _Screw drinking it, I'm fucking steaming. _I'm glad I've learned to wear waterproof mascara for this. Yes, mascara. Coach wants us always in our full game-day get up. _Blah blah blah._ I sit, easing my sore muscles to the ground, and feel B sit down beside me. Of course, she's peppy and glistening, looking just fine. I'm a little jealous of her superior athletic ability… but I'll let it slide. She's not cocky or pompous about it, and in the past, I've rather enjoyed her stamina. _Dammit. In the past._

I down the rest of my Gatorade, incredibly happy I have something other than water to drink. I swear, the electrolytes really do help. "How's it going, B?" I toss at her.

"Good!" I hear the cheer in her voice. "Q says the new routines are awesome. I'm so stoked to try them out." I'm pretty sure B probably invented them, and Coach just pulled from moves she's seen B do. It had happened before, and B was convinced that her and Coach S shared brain waves. That was an interesting conversation. I rested in the sun for the remainder of my five minutes, cursing about the presence of Cheerios tan lines that were another bothersome part of hell week. Almost impossible to even out, especially when it didn't take very long for me to get more color in the sun. Peering over at B, I reach my hand out to touch her red shoulders. "Aw, B… you didn't put on any sunscreen, did you?" I see her face has the same red tinge to it.

"Ah. That's what I forgot! Thanks for reminding me!" She looked at me gratefully and started to rummage in her bag, but I still had to break the news to her. "Babe, it isn't going to do any good now… you're already burned." I reach my cool hand and place it on her cheek. She is fried._ Like an egg in a frying pan._

Before I can do much more to help her, the god-awful squelching cuts through the warm air. "Five is done. Back in line!" Coach impatiently squawks.

We all fall back in to line. Surprisingly, no one has left, even the vomiters. They're still there, looking like they actually may die on their feet at any minute, but still there, nonetheless. I know we're going to be a strong team, we always are. Doesn't matter if people puke or not. Somehow, year after year, Coach Sylvester molds us into a nationally ranked (_first place, bitches)_ cheerleading squad. Quinn looks good, powerful. She's always had such a good "I demand respect" stance. Right now, she's rocking it. The sun feels hot in the sky, I figure we have to be almost done with practice. I had to lose my watch before since it isn't a sanctioned part of my cheer uniform, but I'm guessing we probably have an hour or so left.

Coach explains the routine to us, using Q and B to display the finer aspects of the choreography. She pulls me in to show off the lifts she's thought up – she actually has some pretty good new ideas, along with the ever popular old cheers. This actually seems like a tough routine. I know I'll have little problem keeping up, but I definitely see some blank stares from some of the other girls. _Dammit… this is going to be a long hour. _Coach runs it through a few more times. She must have also seen the looks of dazed confusion on some of the other faces. She moves quickly, much like Quinn, gazelle-like. Within seconds, she's standing next to a fellow junior girl. "You think this is hard? Try filling your own cavity, that's hard! Now, try it again!" I watch as she prowls back to her post at the front of the formation.

After what seemed like twelve hours of running through the choreography, we must have eventually got it to an acceptable level. I say we loosely. Every time I looked, B, Q and I were nailing the lifts, landings, and moves, just like we ought to. _Gotta do the best to be the best. _I hear the damn squelch again, hopefully for the final time today. That thing permeates my nightmares. "Lopez. Fabray. Approach the throne. The rest of you, hold tight a minute."

_Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit. _I'm running through my mind for what I did wrong, but I don't think I did anything. I look back at B as my feet are moving me forward – she just gives me a lazy smile. I look towards Q, but she's still got a stick up her ass and her switch set to HBIC mode, so I'm not getting anything from her. Together, we reach Coach and I jut my jaw and cross my arms over my chest defensively. Coach hands her megaphone to Becky and pulls her sunglasses off of her face, hooking them into her tracksuit.

"Boobs McGee, Preggo." We both look at her, expectantly. I feel her cold and calculating gaze cross over me, and pray my uniform is up to snuff. Well, as much as it can be, since I just finished the god-damned Olympics. I see her give the same look to Q, who gazes unflinchingly back. "With no complaints from you, you will both serve as co-captains to this nationally recognized squad. I expect you can work well together. Lopez, no more summer surgeries. Fabray, for the love of the gene pool, no more babies, especially not with Puckerman. Or, at all." Quinn gives a strong nod, and for a second, I'm afraid of what this can do to us, to our progressed friendship. She was so mad at me when I was interim head cheerleader while she was off easy-baking a baby, but we were also different kinds of friends back then. _We'd both matured, right?_ I realized I hadn't done anything to acknowledge Sue yet. "You got it, Coach."

Coach gives us a weirdly approving look and says, "Good. Address your troops. I'm going back to the air conditioning. My face is melting."

I meet eyes with Q for a second, expecting to see the cold and distant HBIC I knew so well. When her eyes meet mine, I get that, but it isn't as strong as I thought it would be. She quirks an eyebrow at me, and spins on her heel. I follow suit and move to stand next to her, put my hands on my hips and smirk.

Her voice is loud and strong. "For those of you that don't know, I'm Quinn Fabray. I'm a junior at WMHS, and I am your head cheerleader." She pauses to look at all the girls. They're hanging on her every word, and she is soaking up the attention. "This," she points firmly at me, "is Santana Lopez, also a junior, and also your head cheerleader. If you have any questions, please ask. Otherwise, hit the showers." I hold my chin up defiantly, trying to channel the HBIC look I've seen Quinn give so many people. _I think I've got it down…_ I watch as the young freshman girls scurry past us, hurrying towards their bags, eager for a shower.

I watch B. She's holding off until the majority of the girls leave, and then bounds up to us, me specifically, like a freight train. "Aw, Sanny, congratulations!" She envelops me in a sticky, sweaty hug. I don't mind though. I enjoy the contact. _I'll take it where I can get it._ Again, though… I feel weird. This territory was Quinn's, and now I'm all up in it. I turn towards her, ready with apologetic, or, if necessary, angry and baby related remarks. But… she beats me to it. I feel her bump my shoulder with her own and see her down a swig of her water bottle. "We'll have to work on that smirk of yours though, Lopez. Can't let anybody think you're a softie." She pulls me into a hug and whispers congratulations in my ear. We grab our bags and start to walk towards the locker room.

_Now, this is an interesting development._


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: I apologize for the ****much too long**** delay – I was in Mexico on vacation! Hope you're all doing well! Should be more regularly updated now. As always, let me know what you think. I love to hear from you!**

Quinn, Brittany and I started making our way towards the locker room. I couldn't wait for a shower. As if the hell week practices themselves weren't bad enough, the heat was a whole other story. I feel like I'm sweatier than I've ever been in my life… _ugh, I feel moist. _I finish off my second Gatorade and readjust the strap from my cheer bag. The weight of it hurts my dead arms.

I feel B's pinkie slip through mine and she leans over to me and pulls on my arm, slowing us back from Quinn. "Want to go to your house and hop in the pool? It's so hot!" Seeing B in a hot bikini is a close second to seeing B dance... so damn sexy. I shake off those thoughts and lean over to whisper back to her. "Hells yes." I put extra emphasis on the 'hells'. "We can make some lemonade and…" My words are suddenly caught in my throat; I realized we weren't as alone as we were a few seconds ago. Quinn is talking to a uniformed Sam in front of us, and Puck and Artie are standing expectantly. _They must have said something to us… didn't hear._

I cocked my head and gave Puck a look telling him if he said something to me, I sure as hell didn't hear it. He didn't say anything; instead he just returned my inquisitive look. I turned my she-devil glare to Artie. B must have just realized Wheels was in front of us, because I felt a tight squeeze followed by the withdrawal of her pinkie. I missed the contact immediately. I always feel like I'm right on the brink of something I can't have. _It sucks._ She doesn't go to stand next to him, though. She's staying right by me. I can smell her sweat. It wasn't an offensive smell. If anything, it was one of those things I missed.

"Brittany. You gonna answer yo' man, or what? Shouldn't take that long to think." Artie said, without an ounce of humor in his voice. His eyes were smirking at us. I was desperately trying to rein in my anger. _Seriously? Who could talk to B like that? _I wanted to smack the smirk _(and his stupid glasses)_ off of his face. Honestly, it hurt seeing that this was the competition. It's like I got second place and a consolation ribbon to an asshat in a wheelchair, who has the same amount of game as a garden gnome. My teeth were grinding, audibly. The Lima Heights Adjacent must be radiating off of me, since I feel fingers on my elbows. Quinn had appeared at my side, but she was still continuing her conversation with Sam. _How the hell does she do that? It's like she isn't paying attention, but still knows everything. _I don't know how lately she's been so on my wavelength, but I know she doesn't know everything. Or anything. She's just eerily good. I catch her eyes looking at me, her eyebrows pinched together in worry. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. She looks away.

I hear B meekly answer. She sounds scared. It's weird. "Sorry, Artie. I didn't hear you." She takes a few steps towards him.

Before I can react, I'm almost killed by a flying projectile. I jump to the side and my empty Gatorade bottle goes flying from my hand and my cheer bag slides off my shoulder. Finn, the oafish and horrendous quarterback that he is, launched a football from across the lot towards Puck. So, that means, at Puck. Within a ten yard radius. It comes so close to my face I can almost smell leather, but somehow, Puck manages to catch it, saving my beautiful face. How Puck manages to catch anything Finn ever throws at him, I don't know, but I think his skill is the only explainable way we've ever won a game. I scream profanities towards Finn, and he's shyly ducking his head, repeating his apologies. Puck gives me a cockeyed look, wiggling his eyebrows. "Saved your ass, Lopez. What do I get for that?" I turned on my heel and walked away. Honestly, I'm done with this shit. I don't have enough fingers to count the people that have annoyed me today, and I would just rather not deal with it. I brush past Quinn, more violently than I hoped to. I kind of push her off balance as I walk by.

I hightail it to the locker room. I don't really care who, if anyone, is behind me. I open the door to the locker room and walk inside. The air is moist and heavy. Why anyone would take a hot shower after practice is beyond me. The few girls that are standing around part like Red Sea… _I must be glowering. _I'm not even trying to "work my smirk." I'm just feeling emotion. I'm probably showing it, too. _Who the fuck knows_. I reach my locker and see that a red and silver "C" decal has been placed on the outside, matching Quinn's locker. I spin the lock and open it, seeing that all the additional captaincy gear has been placed in a bag on the floor of the locker. _Coach works fast._ I see a note on top of the bag in Coach's scrawl: **Congratulations, Santana. Captain's meeting following practice.** I throw my bag in my locker, peel off my sticky uniform, grab my shower tote and towel, and slam my door. _I need to take a deep breath._

I walk towards the secluded, quiet corner of the showers. It was mine and B's favorite spot – you couldn't be seen from most of the other showers. Most of the girls were finished and the rest were changing by the lockers. Only a few lingerers remained. I slam my tote down on the ground. It felt childish, but it helped. I hang up my towel, turn on the water way hotter than I normally like, and rest both of my hands on the cool, ugly shower tiles. I finally take a deep breath. Honestly, what is going on? I know I'm not mad about Finn's horrible arm or even Puck's vulgar comments. I can't lie about this to myself, not anymore. I feel like this is the first time my anger has come to a head about my situation with Brittany, and honestly, I've never felt more mad. 

I've never treated B like that. I've never called her stupid. She hates when people do that. I've never treated her like she wasn't the amazing, beautiful, intelligent girl that she is. But… I know what I haven't done, the things that really count. I haven't looked her in her eyes during sex. I haven't brushed her hair out of her eyes. Held her hand. I've never told her how much I love her. How much I can't spend time without a single thought about her passing through my mind. About how I can't honestly entertain the idea of being happy with anyone other than her. For all the things I've done right, there's a hundred I've done wrong. I'm so mad she didn't choose to be with me, but I never gave her that option. Never even let her think it was a _possibility._ I realize why I never let myself have this debate. I always have the hardest time blaming Brittany at all. _I just get mad at myself. _I'm slightly aware of tears on my cheeks.

I realize the water is burning my skin. I adjust the temperature and get on with my shower. I don't really want to do anything but just get the hell out. The body wash feels good, and the as I rinse the shampoo I taste the sweat coming off my face. I reach over and turn off the water and squeeze out my hair. I take another deep breath. It doesn't help. I still feel livid, and it's mostly at myself. I grab my towel, wipe my face, and wrap it tightly around my body. I force myself to take another breath. It comes out kind of shuddery. I don't mind being cruel to people when I think they deserve it; in fact, it may be my favorite hobby. Right now, I know I'm the only one that deserves it and if I go off, I may do or say something I will completely regret.

I grab my tote and walk towards my locker. B is sitting, dressed, on the bench in front of my locker. The locker room is deserted. So funny how things can change over time, right? _The things we could have done with a deserted locker room… _Her eyes are painted with concern and for a second, I think they also show understanding. _They can't…_ Then, I see remorse. I know she's going to bail on me, before she even opens her mouth. "Hey," she says as I approach.

"So Artie wants to get some lunch after his practice, so I'm going to go with him. Maybe I'll catch up with you later?" Her blue eyes try desperately to meet mine, expectantly. I can't, won't, make contact. I barely mumble acknowledgment. A few awkward moments pass. _I can't stand awkward._ I don't feel like talking. I feel her stand, and her hand brushes my bare shoulder. "Bye, Tanny." I feel her walk past. I hate feeling like I can feel opportunities leave.

I rest my head on the cold metal of my locker door, leaving it there until I hear the door of the locker room shut. I exhale, and swear I'm going to just get over this. Right now, I'm a sad picture of myself, and I hate it. I practically selected my own shitty hand, and now it's time to figure out how to play the cards. I pull on some clothes, grab my bags, and decide I'm going to blow off Coach. Last thing I want to do is hear her toot her own horn. She may bitch, whatever. I'll tell her I had a PMS blowout or something. I can practically see the look of disgust on her face.

I'm glad everything is deserted, or at least close to it. I slide my sunglasses onto my nose and am ready to get the fuck out… until I'm mentally kicking myself. _Shit. _I drove with Q. No way I was going back to the captain's meeting. Or anywhere back near the field where B would be waiting for Artie. I decide to just kick it by myself next to Q's car. I'm mad, and I want to be at home. The last thing I want to do is hang around here. These fucking meetings usually lasted Q at least an hour. I am spewing mental complaints. I heave my bags down and take a seat on the pavement next to the car, blocked from view.

After a few minutes I get bored and check my purse for my phone. No new messages, but while I'm digging around I see paper and keys that definitely don't belong to me.The note read: **S, take my car and get out of here. I'll cover for you with Coach. Sam will drop me off to get my car. Q. **Quinn's swirly handwriting stares up at me. _Seriously… this girl knows me freakishly well. _I breathe a sigh of relief. I owe that girl so much. I may have to actually say thank you this time. Maybe this year will be fun. Cocaptaincy with her could lead to tales that will go down in WMHS history.

I reach the keys out of my purse and unlock the doors. I toss my bags in the back seat and climb in the driver's side, turn the engine over, and put the car in drive. I'm pretty sure I squeal the tires as I leave the parking lot. I said I wanted to get the fuck out. The scenery passes me by, but I can still feel my blood boiling. _Why am I so angry?_ A few minutes pass, and I soon arrive at my house. I pull Quinn's car up next to the curb and shut it off. I grab my bags out of the back and walk to my front door. Thank God I still have my key. Dropping my bags in the foyer, I walk to the kitchen, almost crashing into my dad as I went. He has half a banana sticking out of his mouth and is struggling to get his arm through his white coat. I think I startled him as much as he startled me, but he is chuckling and wraps me into a tight hug, putting one hand on my still-wet hair. I love his hugs. I smell his cologne and the slightly stagnant hospital smell. He kisses the side of my head and I hear him mumble hello through a mouthful of banana. He pulls away and looks down at me. "Are you okay, Tana? You look angry."

I try to soften my face, but I know I'm not making much progress. "Yeah, I'll be okay though, papi. Home for lunch?"

"Yes, but I have to run. I'm sorry, honey, but I'm already late. Te amo." He gives me another quick kiss on the head and shoves the rest of the banana in his mouth. I reach up and straighten the collar on his coat. In a few seconds, he's out the door. I sigh. _Seriously. _What is up with this day?

I go upstairs to my room and throw on a swimsuit. Might as well make use of this heat and sun. I grab some ice packs for my aching muscles and grab a water from the fridge. I take a fluffy beach towel from the closet, grab my iPod and sunglasses and make my way outside. I pull my favorite lawn chair into my favorite spot and drop all my goodies down onto the chair. After I feel arranged, I lay the ice on my aching muscles, pull down my sunglasses, and turn up an angry mix. I also listen to it when I want to push myself extra hard when I run. Same damn thing. The sun feels hot and soothing on my bare skin. I try to turn up the volume on my iPod so I can drown out the thoughts I know are soon to come. Eventually, I'll have to get to the bottom of these feelings from today, this irrational anger. For now, the sun is making me sleepy. The heavy bass thumps in my ears and I slide away, closing my mind from the angry world I've put myself in.


	16. Chapter 16

I'm off in my own little world. The music is blaring, my muscles are feeling alright, and the sun has heated my skin and melted all of my ice packs. I'm calmer than I felt before. My blood doesn't feel like its boiling, but I still have that tightness in my chest. You know that feeling you get when you know you're in a bad situation and you also know it doesn't seem like it's ever going to change? You breathe, and there's the tightness. The catching, permeating feeling that constantly reminds you of where you are and where you'll always be.

I take a deep breath. The tightness is still there. A new song starts, angry like the rest. I tap out the beat with my fingers. Before the end of the first verse, an earbud is plucked out of my ear. I open my eyes and quickly push up my sunglasses. "What the fuck?" _Swear to God, if that freaky pool boy is anywhere near me…_

"I said you're going to go deaf! Jeez, Santana." My brown eyes meet hazel. Quinn is standing above me, holding my iPod earbud in her left hand, smirking at me. I pull out the other and wrap up my iPod, tossing it to the side. Might as well put the walls up. Start with a smirk.

I don't really say anything. I just look at Quinn defiantly, wondering why she's in my back yard, creeping on me like the pool boy and stealing my earbuds. Then, I remembered the morning, and I offered her an apologetic look. "How was captain's meeting?" I pushed my sunglasses down again on my face and slumped back into my chair. Quinn sat down by my feet.

"Coach was pissed you weren't there, but I told her you were going to the vitamin store to pick up some new nasty stuff for our protein shakes. Better be there tomorrow, though." Quinn is wringing her hands. I glance down at her, watching her actions. I've never really seen her act anything but confident, but this friendship that we have, the new and evolved one, is kind of weird for both of us. Old Quinn would have kicked my ass (_tried, hah_) if I were ever nominated co-captain with her. New Quinn congratulated me. Old Quinn would have laughed relentlessly at Finn almost crushing my beautiful face with a football. New Quinn calmed a Snix-quake. I've never really been friends (like, real friends) with anyone other than B. Like, you know, where you talk and stuff? It's kind of uncharted territory with me. B never gave me the option; she can see inside my soul. Quinn is giving me the option, I can see it. She's there, and is open for me to talk to her. At least, that's what I think she's trying to do.

She wants to say something. She's struggling with it. I lightly prod her with my foot. "What's up, Q?" Is something wrong with her? She doesn't look good.

"Nothing, I just wanted to make sure you were okay from today. Cause, you know… well, Puck's an ass." _Hmm… she thinks I'm all bent out of shape over Puck?_ That's very un-Santana-like, and she knows it. Quinn knows it. She even delayed saying it. I take my sunglasses off and set them on the ground next to my chair. I have to squint a bit, but I try to meet Quinn's eyes. For a bit, she avoided me. Then, she met my eyes full on, and I was kind of intimidated by the fire behind them. They were expecting, but open and inviting. It was so weird. I am Santana Lopez. I don't think Quinn has ever really asked me if I was okay before. And now, she's all weirdly attentive, giving me all these crazy looks and, well, acting like I guess friends should act. I haven't figured out what to make of it.

I raise an eyebrow, ever so slightly. "Oh, yeah. Puckerman is an ass. Nothing new there. I just had…" I had to break eye contact with her. I've never felt like someone could see through me before, other than when B looked at me. I felt it now with Quinn. "… some of the senior girls were telling the new freshman blood I was nothing to be afraid of. I had to go find the girls to intimidate some fear into them." I lied. I just lied to Q. Her eyes narrowed, and she cocked her head at me. We paused and just looked at each other for a few moments.

Quinn sighed, stretched her back out, and tilted her head back to look up towards the sun. "Well, we'll just have to make them work a bit harder tomorrow. No captain of the Cheerios is nothing to be afraid of, especially not you, Lopez." I felt a little bit of relief, like I answered a test question right. I think Quinn was looking for a different answer than the one I gave her, but I don't know what she could be expecting. She knew me, yeah, but nobody knew me **that** well… right?

Q babbled on about the rest of the captain's meeting, highlighting which girls to keep an extra eye on. B would, of course, be top tier with Quinn and I, without actually being captain. The rest of the girls were promising. The freshmen were nothing special, but it was our job to make sure they upheld our standards as national champions. We talked a little bit about drills for tomorrow and the rest of the week, and who needed extra attention during the choreography. Of course, we also discussed the ways we could maximize fear and intimidation during practices. It wasn't actually a hell week practice without the captain (captains, now) making at least three girls cry. I found myself laughing a lot. Q was funny when she wasn't being a pretentious bitch. I wonder if I'm kind of the same way.

I look to my phone to see what time it is. Quinn and I have been talking for like an hour, and I'm starting to feel hungry. It's almost 4:30. I have a few missed texts. I quickly scan the names to see if they're from anyone I'd want to talk to. One is from Puck. **I ws jst kidding bout a favor for saving u from the football but if u need anything u know where I live ;)** Ugh. Kidding or not kidding? Puck always teetered on that line. I deleted that text. Won't be replying to that one.

**Want to get together for dinner? Sorry for ditching out earlier.** B had sent this a few hours ago. I keep scrolling. **S? Sorry about before. Can we hang out so I can tell you sorry in person? **She knows I hate bailers. Seriously, if you were going to take the time to make plans with me, why would you bail? I tried to run it through my head to justify it from her side. It was her boyfriend, and we didn't really have solid plans, but I just felt hurt and like I got passed over. For something lame. Finally, a text from only a while ago; I must have had my phone on vibrate or something. **I'm sorry, S. **She knows I'm hurt. Doesn't take a rocket scientist with how I knew I was acting in the locker room, and I almost never delay responses to her texts. But now, I just felt kind of cheated. Back to unsteady ground. I can't expect constant attention from her when we're not dating. I'm just her friend. She doesn't feel like I do. The need to be constantly with the other person. Constantly talking, texting. Thinking about. That's probably what she feels about Wheels. _Gag._ Ugh, seriously, gag. I start to pick at my manicured nails. I don't know how long I can really last, keeping up not texting her back. I'm already itching to call her. I love her, for Christ's sake. I just want to be around her. I said it before, I'll say it again… I'll take the contact however I can get it. She's like a drug.

Q notices I'm kind of quiet. "If any of those were from Puck looking for a booty call, you should throw your phone in the pool." I can't help but giggle. Again, like she has been lately, she was dead on. The look I gave her solidified it. "Ew, San. How did you keep going back for seconds to that? Come on. Pretty face, not such a memorable ride." I laughed again. Post-babygate Quinn also makes funny jokes about babygate.

"You hungry?" I asked her. I was starving. Cheerios practice must burn like a million calories, especially during hell week. I could eat a whole pizza. Quinn nods at me. I didn't really want to go to Breadstix, but I didn't really want to make anything either. Quinn, still lounging peacefully down by my feet, didn't really look like she wanted to move either. My phone rang.

I grabbed it, expecting it to be B. I wasn't ready to talk to her yet. Instead, it was my aunt. I answered the phone. "Hi!" Q looks at me expectantly. She knows I'm not really a phone talker, more of a texter. "Just sitting by the pool, hanging out with Quinn." My aunt keeps blabbing on the other end. "No, we were just talking about getting some food. Sure, let me ask if Q wants to."

"Wanna have dinner at my aunt's?" Q could barely contain her excitement; she loved my aunt almost as much as I do. Even though she's my mom's sister. It's like they were made with completely different ingredients, with two completely different results. At the very least, the looked alike. Q was clapping her hands like an idiot. She's tagged along with me to my aunt's many times. Before high school got too hectic, I was there all the time. Better than an empty house.

I laughed into the phone. "Si, tia. We'll be there in like twenty minutes." I keep laughing at Quinn, who is now standing up, dancing and clapping. "What is the matter with you?" I toss a melted ice pack at her, which she unsuccessfully dodges. "Have you ever eaten your aunt's food? Oh my god, I can't wait," Quinn retorted. My aunt was a great chef. She worked at a classy restaurant outside of Lima. She was much younger than my mom, and it was a huge accomplishment for her to be in her position at her age. "Hmm… no, I don't think I ever had. Is it good?" Quinn smirked at my sarcasm. I walked towards the house. "I know my ass looks good, but are you going to stand there and watch me or come inside?" I was teasing her again. She threw the ice pack back at me.

Q plopped down in the living room and switched on the TV while I walked up to my room. I feel kind of sweaty and I think I smell like the sun, but I know I don't have time for a shower. Clean clothes and some deodorant will have to do. I drop my towel into my hamper and peel off my suit. I definitely notice how sore I am when my arms reach up above my head… _ow. _To think it's only the first day. I put on some comfy clothes, perfume, and deodorant and grab my keys off my dresser. I'm excited. I haven't seen my aunt since last week. Normally I saw her at least once a week, if not more. I'd like to think that she's what I'll be like when I'm her age. I hope to God I don't turn out like my mom. I've always made a pact with myself that I won't… it's one of my biggest fears.

I plod down the stairs and hear some game show playing in the living room. I peek around the wall to see Q perched on the edge of the recliner, watching Jeopardy. I hear her answer a few questions. Girl was smart. I smirk and walk towards the kitchen, grabbing two waters. It was still kind of hot outside. "Ready to go, Q?" She's screaming at the TV. "Seriously, how could you not know the answer was Jane Eyre? Come on!" She's like, nerdy smart. Thankfully, she doesn't really let that side show too often. I don't think she could instill fear into the hearts of the student body while blabbing about classic novels or calculus.

Q follows me out the door and I lock it behind me. Q tries to insist she can drive, but it was nice enough of her to let me use her car earlier. Not that it's a lot of gas money, but I like to drive, too. She jumps into my car and buckles up. I get in, start it up, and slowly back out of the driveway.

My aunt lived across town, but since that town is Lima, Ohio, across town isn't really that far away. It was at most a fifteen-minute drive, maybe twenty if you missed any of the stoplights that littered the path. I could drive it in my sleep. Some nights, I'm pretty sure I almost had. My aunt always let me in wordlessly if I knocked, or didn't freak out if she found me sleeping on her couch in the mornings. I guess she grew up with my mom as her sister, so if anyone was going to understand me, it was her.

I drove, sitting in silence, with Quinn tapping along to the music on her seat. I missed B. I was still itching to text her back. I really did want to hang out with her. I missed her body, yeah, but I also missed just talking to her. I could talk to her for hours and never get bored... _I feel sappy again. _I pulled into the driveway of my aunt's small house and turned off the engine. It wasn't a big place – it was nothing like the casa de Lopez. It was quaint, but comfortable. My aunt managed to buy it all by herself. She's had a few boyfriends over the past few years, but hasn't settled down. My uncle was different. My dad's brother, they were a lot alike. I loved going to his house, too, but my uncle was as busy as my mom was… he was rarely home.

Quinn and I walk up to the front door and I let us in. Immediately, the smell of delicious food is unmistakable. "Hi San, Quinn!" My aunt Ana yells from the kitchen. We make our way over there. "Hi Ana!" Quinn yells back. "Smells amazing!"

Amazing was an understatement. Ana spent almost all of her time cooking intense gourmet fine dining meals that were made up of like, one mushroom and green stuff. I loved it the most when she would cook for me, because it was never something crazy, it was always food I loved. It tasted gourmet without looking gourmet. This smelled like mac and cheese… definitely B's favorite dish of my aunts. _And mine…_

Quinn tasted the spoon Ana was holding out to her. My aunt looked good, but tired. She worked so much, crazy hours, but it was worth it. She was happy. I watched her as she talked with Q, and I set the small table for us. Q added some spices my aunt was handing her, and they must have deemed it perfect because they pulled it off the burner and set it on the table. We all sat down to eat. "Looks amazing, tia." She smiled back at me. "Where's Brittany, San? It's mac and cheese!"

My aunt was dishing out the plates, so I don't think she saw my face turn down. I didn't respond, so Q took the question for me. "She had other plans tonight, we'll have to bring some back for her." I'm thankful I didn't have to talk about B.

We passed the rest of dinner with playful banter. I think I got some of my sass and sarcasm from my aunt, and she was always great to talk to. She was also fiercely protective of my friends and me. I had to hold her back from wrenching off Puck's balls with a vice grip when she found out it was him that was the father of Q's baby. She just really didn't seem to like Puck very much… _not that I wonder why. _My aunt asked about Cheerios, and was super excited when Q told her I made captain, too. She told me she was proud of me – I loved hearing that from her. I think she told me that so often to try to make up for my mom.

After dinner, Q and I did the dishes while Ana drank a glass of wine and told us all about her day. The life of a chef sounds kind of stressful, but she seems to really enjoy it. She told us about this new sous chef everyone is drooling over. She tries to play it off, but I can tell she's entertaining the thought of chasing after him. We prod her for details, she obliges. We stay and chat for a while, and it gets way late very fast. Quinn yawns, so I take that as our cue to leave. I hold out my fist to give my aunt a bump, but she pulls me into a tight hug. "Te amo, Santanita. Tell Brittany hi for me." She hands me a tupperware filled with mac and cheese and swats me on the butt towards the door. I feel loved, here and now. She gives Quinn a hug, and we're soon in the car back on the way towards my house.

"You gonna call B?" Q asks, disrupting our quiet driving time. She hesitates, like she's waiting to see if I'll answer. "Or are we all driving separate tomorrow?" _Hmm. That's why she wants to know._ I shrug. I don't really know. "I'll probably just drive myself, but I'll let you know if anything changes," I tell her back. She yawns again. I check the time on the console – after 10. _Wow. When did it get so late?_

We pull into my driveway and I notice my dad's car in the garage. He's home, but he's also asleep and dead to the world. I couldn't imagine working the hours he does, but he really truly loves it. I was about to get out of the car, but Q's hand on my wrist stops me. I look over at her and see caring eyes. "I had fun tonight, S. Thanks." She's not done, but she's doing that weird thing again, and I can see her fumbling over the words she's trying to force into sentences. "Look. I know we haven't always given best friends the best definition, but I'm here for you, you know? For anything." Alarm bells are ringing in my head, and before I can stop the armed Snix response, it flies past my tongue and teeth, accompanied with a trademark smirk. "Aw, thanks, Q. Next time I need to see an episode of teen mom, I'll be sure to call you over." _Fuck._ I see hurt and pain flash through her eyes, and she isn't even trying to disguise it. _Damn it._

"Seriously, Santana? Do we always have to play like this?" I hear the venom lacing her voice. Here we are, back on familiar ground.

I feel bad… this weird feeling courses through me. What is it? Remorse? She moves to get out of the car in a hurry. This is what I do… the tables are turned towards me, and sometimes the spotlight gets to hot. I feel like I'm see through… that Q can see my anger at my mom, my passion for B, my loneliness… and I have to fight as hard as I can to turn the tables back. It's kill or be killed, fight or get found out. She seconds from being out of my car. I'm a master at recognizing quickly closing windows and disappearing opportunities. I take a deep breath, and reach out to grab Q's retreating wrist. She moves to yank it out of my grasp, but I squeeze just a little tighter. She turns to look at me, and her face softens, just a bit. She looks at me, expectantly. She's not going to make this easy on me, at all.

"I…" I clear my throat. I sound like a timid mouse. _Come on, Santana. Grow some confidence._ "I had a good time, too. I'm glad we're redefining best friends. I know I can talk to you, Q… I'm just not ready to talk yet." Even with my attempts at a personal pep talk, I still feel like I sound shy, unsure. I didn't give anything away. Tried not to scream out my secrets, but I don't want to shut her out. Not forever, at least.

I close my eyes and wait. _Ugh. _We're probably going to have to talk about feelings or something now. I am out of my element… and uncomfortable. I feel Q reach down to my hand that's still grabbing her wrist, lace her fingers through mine, and squeeze lightly before she dropped my hand altogether. "Go to sleep, Lopez. Can't have you showing up to practice looking tired. Make sure you tighten up that pony before you walk your ass onto my field." I froze… this was cool, calm, and head bitch Fabray._ Shit. I really took us back a few steps here._

I brace myself and look up, expecting the cool, steeled eyes of my best-frenemy Quinn Fabray. Instead, I see those soft, calm post-babygate eyes again. I can't help but breathe a small sigh of relief. I meant to lightly coax her off my back, not throw her off a cliff. She smiled at me. "See you in the morning, Santana." It was kind of a sad smile. I don't get her.

The car door closes softly and I hear her walk to her car and start her engine, pulling away towards her own house. I shake my head and am really glad that blew over. I can totally deal with HBIC Fabray, that isn't what I was afraid of. It was more the fact that I feel like there's someone other than B that's actually trying to go out of their way to get me. Like we're going to actually be friends.

I walk through the front door, trying not to make too much noise. I know my dad won't wake up, he sleeps like B, but I was still making an effort. I see a note on the island. I'm sure it's from papi. **Tana, Brittany told me about captain! Congratulations, hija.** I can't help but smile. I feel like he's proud of me too. But wait… B told him? Weird.

I shrug it off. I'm tired, and I want to go to sleep and kind of forget that this day ever happened. I walk up the stairs silently, avoiding the creaky floorboard, and stop short of my room. My door is closed, and the rubber duck from my bathtub is sitting outside of it with a piece of paper underneath. **S, I'm sorry I ditched out on our summertime swim.** I smiled, but just a little bit. I knew it had blown over and that I wasn't mad anymore. Now the hurt was just left. I knew that would take a little longer to dissipate. I picked up the duck and opened my door.

I set the duck affectionately on my dresser and set my stuff down. I moved to turn on the light, but I was caught off guard by the mess of blonde hair on my pillow. Before I could take a step, I noticed another piece of paper, lying in the middle of my floor.

**S,**

**Don't freak out, but I'm probably sleeping in your bed. I came in the window 'cuz you weren't answering my texts, but you weren't here. I sat downstairs and watched the animal channel for a while until papi got home and we talked for a while. He was so excited when I told him that you were captain with Quinn! He smiled so big. I'm trying so hard to stay awake to talk to you, but I know I'll fall asleep. Please, please wake me up when you get home. I know you're probably still mad, but wake me up, please. I want you to hear what I have to say.**

**Love always,**

**B**

I was happy, but at the same time, I just felt painfully reminded of the things I couldn't have. I don't get this cute, adorable, B as a girlfriend, leaving me notes all over telling me how she feels about me. Instead, I get cute, adorable notes from my best friend (_that I'm in love with_) begging for forgiveness after she ditches me for Wheels. It takes my breath away. I push the sadness back down, set the paper on my dresser, and move towards the lump on the bed. There's enough room for me to sit down, so I softly sit next to B.

She's always looked so peaceful when she sleeps. I push hair out of her eyes and leave my hand on her cheek, warm with sleep. I stare at her for a few seconds, and she opens her eyes to look at me. It startles me. She never wakes up this easy… it kind of feels like a scary movie. "Hey…" she softly speaks, reaching up to put her hand on my cheek. "I missed you." Her voice was thick with sleep, but I could tell she was struggling, trying to pull herself out of it to talk to me.

"Hi. I missed you too." I say back to her, realizing my hand was still by her cheek. I pulled it away and set it down kind of awkwardly on my lap. B didn't think anything of it obviously, since her hand was still on my cheek. I thought she was moving to sit up, but instead she scootched over and lifted the blankets, making room to let me in. I didn't care I was still dressed. I snuck in beside her. She was struggling to open her eyes.

"Tanny. I am so sorry. I know that you hate when people back out on you, and I did it to you. I thought about it the whole time I was Artie. I didn't even eat my lunch, and as soon as we were done I tried to call you to come to hang out with you. I know you were upset, I could see it, and you might still be, but I wanted you to know I was sorry. If you're still mad, I can leave, but I warmed up your side for you."

Her eyes looked sad and sorry, and I didn't say anything right away. She moved to get up, but I didn't want her to leave. I put my hand cautiously on her shoulder, and met her eyes. She looked pained, and I hate seeing that look in her eyes. It reminds me of the younger, pained B that was in this bed so long ago, crying after her grandma had died. I moved before I could stop myself. I seem to be doing that so much lately.

I moved quickly at first, but cautiously hovered when my lips were millimeters from B's. Our eyes were still locked, and I tried to convey all my thoughts with them. I knew one look could never tell all of the love I had for this girl, but I could sure try. I met her mouth with a tender kiss, passionate and slow, trying to kiss away the pain I saw in her eyes. Yeah, she hurt me, but yeah, I love her. I feel like I'm always at this crossroads… _come on_.

Too soon, my thoughts caught up with me like a freight train. Shit. She is not with me, and this doesn't feel anything like the meaningless kisses we have. Or had. I guess that time was passed, and again, the alarm bells were going off in my head. _What's with trying to screw up all of my relationships tonight? _I slowly pulled away from the kiss and opened my eyes. Brown met blue, and I realized… she never pushed me off, and she kissed back. But B always did that with me. Doesn't mean a thing.

We stared at each other for only a few seconds before B pulled me into a bone-crushing hug. Our bodies melded together and I heard her whisper towards my ear. "I love you, Sanny. I'm sorry." I could hear the sleep thick in her voice… these hell week practices made you tired by like 6pm. I'm surprised she could wake up enough to talk to me.

"It's okay, baby B. No worries. Go back to sleep." She squeezed me tighter for a second and released me. I can hear her breathing fall into a sleeping rhythm. I ease out of the bed to toss on some pajamas.

While I'm up, I reach for my phone and shoot out a quick text to Quinn. **I called B. We'll pick you up in the morning. Thanks for tonight.**


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry. I hate how life catches up to you! Back to what I love…

I brush my teeth and stare at myself in the mirror for a long time. What seems like a long time, anyway. My mouth has started to burn from the toothpaste. When did all of this shit change? I still look the same. Same badass Lopez that every boy (and probably some girls, I don't know) at WMHS dreams about at night. I don't even care anymore. Seems so weird to say it, but I don't. I care about the girl in my bed through the bathroom door, but nothing will ever happen with that. I feel like I have to have some kind of retreat for myself. Like an AA meeting. _First step, I am head over heels in love with BSP._ Now, how to get over it?

I swish and spit, take another look, and sigh. I'm taking a little excitement in from the fact that regardless of what's going on in my head, I still get to sleep in the same bed with B tonight. I love how she smells, and how she feels when she's so close to me. In my current bummed out, weird state, I could use a good cuddle. _And more… as long as it's not from Puckerman._

All the lights are off in my room so I fumble around a bit trying to make my way to my bed. The note B left crinkles under my toes. I smile and pick it up, setting it on my dresser under the rubber duck she had left in the hallway. She is so god damned cute; I would normally think it's disgusting. But, it's B. Instead, it's like my heart feels warm. _What the fuck? I want to gag myself._

B went back to sleep almost immediately after I got up from bed the first time, so I'm not surprised she's still out like a light. She's facing away from me, but has of course, inched into my space. Her head is on my pillow, and I'm not about to move her over… _this must be what being whipped feels like._ I sidle in behind her, trying not to jostle her too much. I sneak up to her. I'm the big spoon without actually being put in the silverware drawer. I feel like she's a little spork next to me. We don't quite fit.

I feel like I'm copping a feel off of an unconscious person, but at this point, I don't even care. I'm tired, and she's right here. Seriously, we kissed like 15 minutes ago, and I'm freaking out about snuggling up to her back. This is the problem. Before, there were no boundaries. Now that I've got these feelings since I'm in love with her like a sap, I don't know what to do. The last thing I want to do is hurt or disrespect her… I feel like I would hurt myself, first. All this shit is so confusing.

I resolve to just lie close enough so I can feel her, know that she's there. I smell her hair… she must have showered just a little bit before coming over. I take a deep breath… _yep, just sniffed her hair. Seriously, pedo._ I sigh, and the breath that comes out of my mouth makes the baby hairs on the back of B's neck flutter. I can see them in the moonlight that's coming through my window. I reach up and feel them, just once. She's sleeping, she isn't going to realize I'm just getting more ammo for these dreams my subconscious keeps forcing me into whenever I sleep. Her neck is smooth and warm, and my fingertips are in her hair for just a few seconds. _She's my best friend. No chance._

I run my fingers down her neck and traipse them across her back, slowly letting my hand fall to the space in between us. Yes, space in between us. I've gotta cold turkey this, right? B is like my drug. How will I ever quit if I can't put a little separation in there? Seriously, we went from fuck buddies one minute to me being a Lifetime special way too quickly. I'm still a horn dog, but I have to give my brain time to catch up. Sometimes, just being around her turns me on. Like when you can't control where your brain goes, and you snap back when someone is actually asking you something, like where your shirt is from or if you want more juice… it's a problem.

My brain is going a million miles a minute… she's permeating my thoughts. Sleep won't come until the quiet comes, this I know. The quiet won't come until this gap… separation that sweet baby Jesus could fit comfortably in, disappears. I take a deep breath to steel my resolve. My exhale moves the baby hairs on B's neck again. Again, intrigued, I watch them flutter. This time, my vision catches what it missed a few moments ago when I breathed on her neck. I see a shiver, sliding down B's body. It starts at her neck and works its way down to her spine. I've seen this shiver before, many times. Been too long since I've seen it. Her neck is one of the places on her body that turns her on the most. _The things you pick up while casually fucking someone… but not being in love with them, apparently._

I feel devious, but I know I'm going to do it again. She's sleeping, but why not send her deeper into dreamland, thinking about me? God knows I've woken up uncomfortably a few times with blonde visions left in my head, leaving my to take care of business myself. I was never unhappy, though. Gave me something to hold onto, real or unreal. _They were always fucking hot…_ I bring my lips closer to her neck. Licking them, I blow lightly on the hairs. Almost immediately, I can follow the shiver down her back, more defined this time. I hope this is taking her somewhere in dreamland, and it better damn well be with me. Wheels can't touch me here. _As much as I didn't think I ever paid attention… I know just what she likes._

One last time. Otherwise, I'm just being mean… _right?_ Bringing my lips ever so close, I scrape them lightly across her neck. I feel the small hairs under my lips. I'm overwhelmed by vanilla and cinnamon. There's the slight bit of candy. A tinge of sweat, since you can never really get rid of that during hell week. I'm overwhelmed by B. My eyes close, and I inhale again. Seriously, not trying to be a creeper, but it's just right here, you know? Maybe with this, I'll be able to get some sleep.

I exhale, ever so slowly, painstakingly, drawing it out as much as I can. I feel the hairs moving under my breath. Turning my head down, I lightly touch her neck with my nose and slowly drag it down her exposed neck, planting a light but so affectionate kiss on her bone, right before her t-shirt starts. I linger, for just a second, and then retreat back into my, much smaller, side of the bed. _Bed hog._

I close my eyes, ready to drift off. Or at least try. Judging by those shivers from B, I'm confident she's thinking about something happy and enjoyable. I can live vicariously off of that for now. _Definitely try to imagine where I'm at in those dreams…_

I feel her closer before I see her. With my eyes shut, it's like her presence sets off motion sensors through my whole body. I'm confident, even if we were in a room full of people and I'm blindfolded, I could still find my way to her, using only my senses. I don't know which sense would be my favorite to use.

I keep my eyes closed. Her arm is reaching over her head, cupping my neck, putting the slightest pressure on it, pulling and propelling me forward. For being asleep, this is really weird. B isn't really a sleep mover. Not like this.

The baby Jesus sized gap slowly closes. I open my eyes now, just in time to see her back get closer to me. She moves in, bringing us flush together. I'm assaulted by the smell of her hair; my lips are practically on her neck. Her fingers are grabbing and kneading the back of my neck. Her breaths are coming out in short pants. _If I didn't know any better…_

I hate when things move to fast for me to DVR into my brain. This… I want this forever. Every day. Every night. She brings us impossibly closer together, and grinds her ass hard into me. Not just once. It's sensual, like a well thought out dance. With each rough grind, her fingers tighten on my neck, jutting slightly into my hairline, pulling, teasing. Just like that, I'm hot. So hot. I can't tell if the moan came out of her mouth, or out of mine. Had to be mine. She's sleeping… right? _Most active sleeping I've ever seen._

I try to be still. I try to force my hips into not grinding back, not looking for some sort of release. I can do this, totally. She'll calm down in a few, no worries… she feels my stillness. Her hand loosens up on my neck, slides down to my shoulder, arm, over my boob, and halts right at the waistband of my sleep shorts. A thumbnail rakes over my bare skin where my tank top has ridden up, and long slender fingers are hovering painstakingly close to my center, over my shorts. Holy… shit.You would expect my brain to be louder… it's perfectly silent. I can hear everything resounding perfectly clear. _I can't let this happen._

I let out a shaky, shuddery breath, and marvel how it catches in my throat. B is amazing. I seriously am so turned on right now… she probably wouldn't even believe it. I'm about to move my hand down to hers to slow her roll, when I feel her move. My head is pushed off her shoulder and quickly, I feel lips, hot with panting breath, right at my earlobe. If B's best zone is her neck, mine is my ear. I can't help but think that maybe B knows this about me, just like I know it about her. Her soft lips are slowly dragging across the tender skin of my ear, bringing them closer to my ear canal. I feel her tongue slip out across her lips, right before she speaks; it sends shivers down my spine, and the throbbing only intensifies.

"San… I am so hot right now."

The hoarse words I probably would have given anything to hear slide out of her mouth so easily, so sensually. It was word sex, right there. I can't help the involuntarily buck of my hips, digging right into B's firm ass, or the exhale that raggedly leaves my lips. I can't help but listen to my brain, screaming into the perfect silence… _I can't let this happen… not like this. _Before I can change my mind… or my libido can change it for me, I shrug my ear away from B's oh so talented lips.

I turn my head to face hers, and try to meet her eyes. They're dark, almost black. I knew they would be. I know how turned on she is right now. I was so lucky to feel it so many times before, and if you would have asked two days ago, I would have given anything to touch it, taste it right now. _I can't let it happen like this… not just another fuck. _She blinks at me questioningly, but I don't give her an answer. I bring my lips to hers and touch them, gently. Her hips buck back… I feel bad. I know how horny she is right now. She greedily pours herself into the kiss; it's all tongue and teeth, and I know if I let it go, my sleep shorts will be on the floor. I pull back, grab her attention with my eyes again, and put my thumb onto her bottom lip. I can't help but look at it for a second as I touch it… wet, waiting. Looking back into her eyes, I move my thumb and softly, but with all the passion I can muster, kiss her on the lips. Quickly, chastely, but powerfully. I speak, as soft as my kiss, and stroke the hair out of her eyes.

"You are the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life."

We sit for a few moments. Her eyes look glisteny, but I can't tell if that's just the way they look in the moonlight. She closes her eyes, and leans her forehead to mine. It lasts only seconds, and she's turned back around, facing the window and the wall. I think back to every time before. _Hit it and quit it._ I would usually roll over, face the door, and get on to my beauty sleep. I can feel B slowly retreating into herself. I reach down, and carefully pull her waist back to mine. I put my hand under the hem of her shirt, softly resting my hand on her abs. I put my other arm under her head, holding her as close to me as possible. Big spoon, little spoon. No more spork. I kiss the back of her neck, and pour all my emotion out through every connection between us. Words… no fucking way. Not rolling over and leaving her here, all alone, in the expanse of open bed? I can do that. Start small.

I hold her like this for what seems like forever. I'm not going to move. There aren't any thoughts screaming… this isn't what friends do, or you love her, you're not being fair to her. It's quiet. I close my eyes… drift off to sleep.

Next to me, eyes of crystal blue are wide open. Slowly, tears are falling, millimeters from my arm under her head. Her brain isn't so empty, isn't so quiet. Resonating loudly within that beautiful, intricate brain? "Why doesn't she want me like I want her?"


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Angsty, I know, but that seems the most real to me. Keep hanging on, we all know what endgame is, but I really like how they got there. Things are the best when you have to fight for them, right?

My alarm blares and I wake up, stiff and sore, like I've been hibernating in the same position like some kind of bear, without moving. I yawn and inhale deeply. I can smell B all over the pillow in front of me… cinnamon, vanilla… I open my eyes, but I don't see B. Stretching, I look over and see that the light to the bathroom is on and the door is cracked. _Weird that she wouldn't have woken me up early, too. _

Last night crashes back over me like a cold tidal wave. I didn't remember any of my dreams, but I'm sure they were of the raunchy nature. I was this close to having her. This close to it being just like old times. Extra passionate, simply because we've been apart for a little while. _This god damned close._ I could have had her, any way I wanted… but given both of our situations, the danger of it being finality scared me. Like, what if she was using me since she can't get it from Wheels? _Can she get it from Wheels? Oh my god I'm going to throw up…_

What if I was just there? A warm body to digest food? All of a sudden, I feel horrible. Dirty. Like I've been abusing my relationship with my best friend for the past few years… the memorable times, the great feelings, was it all at B's expense? As far as I know, she was always… always… a willing party. But what if she wasn't? What if that wasn't how it went? What if every night to B was just like last night was? My brain is too damn loud. I can't tell if I feel angry, hurt, or just disgusted that I may have put B, who means everything to me, in that same position. I may have hurt her without meaning to, but back then, I didn't care.

But wait… I did a good thing, a noble thing, right? I'm chivalrous. Like a knight in fucking shining armor. I don't want her for just that anymore. I want it all. I want the hand holding, the movie cuddling… her. I want her. _Fucking sap, seriously._ I'm never going to get it. I'm on this tightrope, right? To the left, I can wobble on the line towards something with B, anything with her. Telling her how I feel, eventually trying to be together. It's treacherous and a long way down. To the right, I can wobble away from B, see her be happy, let her be. Move on. Be happy with someone else, all of this is just a fling anyway… right. Looking down that way, it's treacherous… and a long way down. I'm just going to fucking keep wobbling in the middle. Why do I have to figure this shit out? I feel like I'm on an episode of Maury. _Tragic high school girl in love with best friend but can't compete with wheelchair ridden boyfriend… tune in at 9. _

I sigh, stretch again, and let my arms forcibly fall down to the bed. I'll run harder at practice, work harder, and feel the pain. Takes the focus away, dulls the burn. I sit up and rub my eyes. _God damn it's early. _

While I'm sitting there, B opens the bathroom door. My heart swells up in this doofy way that I can feel leading to a smile on my face. I notice immediately she looks tired. Her eyes look puffy and a little bit red. _Maybe she doesn't feel good?_ _Maybe Wheels dumped her with some text speak?_ She was barely meeting my eyes. This is weird. I feel eerie, like in a scary movie where the huge twist is about to drop? What the hell is going on? I speak. My voice is raspy from sleep. "Morning, B. Sleep well?"

Her eyes meet mine when she hears me talking to her. I see a smile that nowhere near meets the corners of her mouth, and even her eyes look turned down. _What did I miss?_ "Yeah, I slept fine." She pauses, looks at me for a few seconds. "Hurry up, we're going to be late."

I blink at her a few times, like she has an alien head. I really think she might be sick. I get up and go into the bathroom. I can hear her rummaging around, grabbing her uniform and getting dressed. I go on with getting ready, brushing my teeth, and perfecting the cheer pony. I have this feeling in my gut, like I missed the last train and now I've got nowhere to go until morning. I kind of feel… lost. I get ready in what feels like record time, throw on my uniform and my shoes, and make sure everything is all set. I go out into my empty room… B made the bed. _That's weird too. Is this freaky Friday?_

I grab my cheer bag, shut off the light, and leave the room. Making my way downstairs, I see B sitting on the kitchen stool with her cheer bag by her feet. I don't do awkward with B. Whatever is going on, I'm going to make sure she doesn't feel like I'm perpetuating it… we can be in weird moods with each other, and I can take silence from her, but not when I don't know what's going on. Usually, I know what's going on before it even happens. I feel off my game. I grab a cereal bar from the pantry and offer B one. She shakes her head. I put the second one in my bag. I know she'll be hungry later.

"Ready to go, baby B?" Her eyes meet mine and I see that sad smile again, but this time, it looks a little more cheerful. I reach over and playfully tug on her pony and I can almost feel my eyes smiling. I try to put everything into this look that I can muster. It was a "whatever is going on, every little thing is gonna be alright" look. She got all of it, I think. I feel her lean into my hand that's still on her pony tail, and her eyes get a little bit brighter. "Yeah, S. I'm ready." I follow her as we walk out of the hallway toward the door. "Don't forget your keys," she playfully yells from in front of me. She saw them on the counter and knew I was currently in the process of leaving without them. _Awesome. _I grab them and follow B, leaving through the front door and locking the door behind me.

I unlock my car and press the starter. Again with the vroom, it kind of makes me feel better about everything. _Just a little bit._ B tosses her bag into the trunk and holds it open for my while I throw mine in, shutting it after me. She walks over to her side and slides into the seat. I climb in and try to meet her eyes, but she's already looking out the window. I feel like she's avoiding me or something. I rack my brain. What could there be? I didn't do anything last night, seriously. I was a saint!

We drive on in what kind of feels like an awkward silence, and like I said before, we don't do awkward. The lame surroundings pass by in a blur. I'm driving a little too fast, but whatever, it feels good. We're late, anyway. It will help make up some time. We pull into Q's neighborhood, and I see B pull out her phone to text Quinn. We really do work like a well-oiled machine… _although I would rather talk than function perfectly all the time._

I hear B's phone beep and she doesn't say anything. "What'd she say? Will she be right out?" I ask B. She looks at her phone for a few more seconds then looks up to meet my eyes. "What? I was texting Artie." There's that little crunchy feeling again, like my heart is full of nails. I feel like everything we're going to say to each other today isn't going to mesh right. I just nod at her. "Oh." I pull out my phone and send a quick text to Q. **Outside, ho.**

She doesn't respond, but a few minutes later I see her front door open and quickly close. Quinn definitely looks the part as the head cheerleader. I wonder if I do, too. I resolve to act just a little bit colder today than I normally would. If I learned anything from Q, it's that coldness can lead to an extreme form of intimidation. My thoughts clear as Q climbs into the backseat. No celebration or big greeting from B. I had to look at her sideways to make sure she hadn't been replaced by some alien baby.

Quinn immediately noticed the air in the car, I could tell. She slowly set her bag in the seat next to her and craned her head around, taking in the surroundings. She doesn't say anything, but she meets my eyes questioningly in the rearview mirror. I feel my eyebrows rise in an "I have no idea" fashion. I couldn't help but look back over at B. She was staring out the window again. I pull out into the road, my eyes still on B. I look away, but just catch Quinn's hand coming up to put a small caress on B's left arm. It wasn't much, just an "I'm here for you if you need it" gesture, but I still was incredibly warmed by it. Q has as much idea as to what's going on as I do, but she's still here, being a friend when B seems to need it. _That's post-babygate Quinn for you._

We seriously are driving in silence. I fumble with the radio since I can't focus on the road when it seems so quiet that it's blindingly loud. I can't corral the thoughts that something funky is going on, and Q keeps trying to meet my eyes in the mirror. I need quiet. Maybe I just need space to figure this out in my own head. _Sorry, Q, I can't help you. I can't even tell what's going on._

We pull into the lot. For running late, we still ended up being early. _I must have been driving faster than I thought._ We all exit the car, and B wordlessly hands me my bag. Quinn is seriously eyeing me now, but still, no one is speaking. We walk over to the field and drop our bags in the center. I don't feel like fucking around, so I don't wait for Q or B, just head out to the track. I'm running harder than I know I'll be able to keep up, but I can't stand the weirdness. I feel like I'm running away from some scifi monster and can't help but wonder if I helped to create it. I run through last night, for like the fifth time. _You are the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life…_ shit. I feel a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. She doesn't feel like I do. I made it too much, too real. I let slip that it was a little more to me than messing around, and I made her feel uncomfortable. Now, we won't mess around again, and we can't even be normal friends since she probably thinks I'll just perv on her or something. I can't stop the spiral of my thoughts running out of control, slipping through my fingers, and I feel the anger setting it. I am angry. _What have I done?_

I feel the burn of my muscles aching and screaming for rest. I'm only just into my second mile and I'm starting to feel winded and tired. I feel the blinding pain in my quad, but it feels like a cramp so I keep running, work through it. I feel like it's a punishment for what I did. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I know that I'm almost in tears. _What is going on?_

I'm gasping for air and only go one lap further. B has broken away from Q and gone towards her bag to stretch. I sense Q turn on the speed to catch up to me. I don't want this either. I feel confrontational, but I know she's going to try to help. I bite my tongue to keep Snix at bay. "Santana, what is going on? Is everything okay?" She's speaking in hushed tones… it's not like B can hear her. I don't answer. I can't let myself lash out, but I can't keep it all in, either. I hear my voice crack out and it doesn't sound like me. "I can't… I don't know." She doesn't talk back. She just looks at me and I see care overwhelmingly present in her eyes. I grit my teeth, slow to an almost walk, and almost double over in pain. This cramp isn't going away. I feel her hand on my back. "You okay?"

"Great, tubbers. Fuck." _Dammit. _I meet her eyes and try to apologize without saying anything. I don't know how well that worked. I reach down and rub my muscle. Feels worse than a cramp… goddamn it. We cool down and walk to the field. I drink some water… _no Gatorade…_ and I can feel the most aggressive bitch face I've ever had present on my face, and I wasn't even trying. It must be bad, because a new freshman saw me, stopped walking, and moved backwards to make it to the track to run a few more laps after she had already run. I smirk. Might as well take it out on everyone else.

Practice ran through ferociously. I was venomous, and exceeded my quota of crying freshmen. I even laced it into upperclassmen. Every time I lashed out, I saw B's eyes burn with what looked like hurt… _don't know why she's upset, I'm not yelling at her. _She made no attempts to derail the Snix Express, though. She kept her distance, and paired up with another junior for lifts. It kept making me madder. I just wanted to say I was sorry, but it's not like I can go back and take it away. It's not like I would want to. She is the most beautiful person I've ever seen. After I unleashed word venom into one of the freshmen that dropped her partner unceremoniously, which then bumped into me, I feel Quinn's hand on the small of my back. It wasn't for long, just for a second. I don't need to look at her to know she's telling me to back off a bit. I look at the girl and without showing any remorse towards her, I tell her that she's doing a good job on one specific part of the maneuver. She breathes a sigh of relief and nods vehemently. Then, I back off.

The rest of practice passes in a blur. It takes everything I have to be able to perform without stepping awkwardly on my hurt leg, and forcing myself not to let it crumble is killing me. It feels like there are a million elves in there with tiny saws, cutting apart my muscle. I almost laugh out loud. B has this weird obsession with elves… she calls them Santa's entourage. Memories are making me sad. I think I'm going to call Puck after this. _I need a drink._

When Coach blows her final whistle, Quinn and I lag behind while everyone else scatters like the plague. Even B. I watch her as she goes. So does Quinn. We're both brought out of our leering by Coach, who must have said something we both missed, because she squelches her megaphone dangerously close to our faces. I turn around with a scowl, which she meets full on. "Boobs McGee, what's wrong with your leg?"

"What?" I stare at her. No way she could know that, I excruciatingly tried to hide it. I tried to stare her down. She knew. I felt my smirk crumble. "I just pulled a muscle warming up."

"Did you stretch before you warmed up? Or was my captain, on the second day of her captaincy, showing the entire squad how to destroy prized muscle fibers that I spend good money on training? You wouldn't do that… would you?" She's in my face. I can smell coffee.

"Won't happen again, Coach." I feel Quinn step to my side and pull me away. I hear her speak. "We'll be in your office in 15, Coach." I walk, but notice Q isn't next to me. I overhear Coach telling Q to grab me some ice for my leg.

We meander (I can barely walk without grimacing) to the locker room. Quinn lags back with me. _I'm pretty sure she's making sure I don't fall over on my way…_ I walk up to my locker. B must already be in the shower. I strip down, grab my towel, and make my way to the showers. Picking the first open one, I go quickly, not looking around to see who's around me. Do my thing, get out. _Santana mantra, if I've ever had one. _Hurrying, I dry off and put on my Cheerios sweats. I look around one last time… no B. I was going to leave her my keys so she could go somewhere if she wanted to, and didn't have to wait around for Q and me. I sigh, but check my phone. There's a text, from Puck. Pissed, I put my phone back into my bag. Whatever.

Captain's meeting drags on. The ice Q got me feels good on my leg. Coach tells us the problem girls and gives us her plan for more routines, asking us if we have any input. It's nice she does that. She listens to both of us, which also feels good. At the end of the meeting, I'm about to hobble away when Coach hands me some kind of ointment. "Put this on your leg. Keep icing, you'll feel better in a few hours. We'll talk in the morning before practice. If it hurts, no running… understand?" She doesn't even wait for me to answer. She knows I wouldn't chance not understanding. _Someday, I hope to be that confident and intimidating…_

We grab our stuff and get ready to go. I'm still limping. The ice helped with the pain, but it still hurts to walk around. In a grand gesture, Q sweeps up my cheer bag and drapes it over her shoulder. I can tell she's coming apart at the seams to talk to me about what's going on. We keep walking and reach my car. The hot sun feels good on my back, but the rest of me feels pretty shitty. One of those days. I grimace again. My right leg hurts, and I'm sure pushing the gas pedal is going to be painful. I feel like the gods are trying to take a warm piss on my head. Again, Q is by my side. "It's your right leg, isn't it? Want me to drive?" She knows I trust her with my car. How the hell does she do that? It's like she's in my mind again. I kind of wish she was all the way in. Then I wouldn't have to go through the trouble of explaining anything, and I would have someone to talk to. I know how this is going to go, though. She's going to ask, and I'm not going to tell.

I must have nodded at her since she pulls the keys out of my bag, puts our bags in the trunk, and helps me into the passenger door. "I'm not a cripple, Q." She ignores my shooing hands and helps me in anyway. She really is one of a kind.

Surprisingly, she doesn't ask me how I am. Well, not directly. "Where's B?" She asks as she buckles her seatbelt. "I don't know," I replied. "I haven't heard from her." I pull out my phone to check it. No new messages from B. I feel kind of hurt. Then I feel guilty about feeling hurt. Vicious cycle, going on in my head right now. I select Puck's conversation with the intent of telling him to find a way to get a bottle for us. I read the new message. **Yo Brittany says she dznt need a ride she left her phone in ur car. **I reach down in the crack of the seat and sure enough, her phone is now in my left hand. I set mine down. I can't help it. It's like I'm holding a lifelink to B.

I slide my finger across the unlock screen. I expect to see Lord T's fat face looking back at me, but it looks like B changed the screen. Instead, she has this picture I've never seen before, I'm not sure when she took it. Or if she took it at all. It's of me and B, but it's like we didn't know a picture was being taken. The first thing I notice about myself is that I look… happy. Blindingly, sickeningly happy. I'm covering my mouth with my hand, whispering into B's ear. Her eyes are bright and deeply, sparklingly blue. She's laughing, but also looking at me with what looks to me like adoration. I really fucked things up. My fingers move deftly over the screen. The text messages are the open screen, so it's not like I'm really creeping.

There's a message from Q from yesterday with a picture attached. Weird. I open that one. It's the picture that's now set as B's home screen. **Snapped this at Puck's party. Super cute, B. :)** This made my heart feel kind of warm. Happy.

There are messages from me. Even though it seems like we're always together. She usually deletes her threads, but mine is the only one she'll keep. She says each text is like a little memento. _I told her she was weird… but I do the same thing and she knows it._

Finally, the messages from Wheels. I was surprised for a second that wasn't what his name was in her phone. "Artie" stares back at me like a dull knife, that I can't seem to stop plunging into my guts. I press on the conversation. There are only a few texts, so she doesn't save his conversations. I make a smug face to this fact. **Wutz the deal Brittany I thot u were coming over lst night?** That was sent from early this morning. She replied: **Sorry. I was at Santana's. **She must have sent that this morning. **Don't u spend enough time w/ her? My parents were gone last night, u knew that. Don't tell me u forgot. **I feel rage-y. Why does he talk to her like that? There are no responses from B, but there are more texts from Artie. **U there?** Another: **Stop cuddling with Santana and pay attention to ur man.** I scrolled down and reached the bottom. She has a draft she never sent. **I'll never stop doing that. **My thumb hovers over send, but my finger wins the battle and presses the screen lock, turning the screen black.

Before I can think about what I just read… _or creeped on, whatever…_ I feel a nudge on my shoulder. I snap out of it and drop B's phone in my lap, covering up my creeping. Q eyes me funny, though. "I said, wanna go to the Lima Bean? I could use a pick-me-up. We can get some ice from them and sit on the patio." I feel good again. Like my crazy roller coaster of emotions was up at the top again, waiting for the ride back down. Peaks and valleys, peaks and valleys. I mumble assent and say that it sounds fun. It does. My mood feels a bit less foul. I sneak one last look at the text as we drive away. She'll never stop doing that. Can't be misunderstood what she means… and its from this morning. So really, what's going on? I watch the scenery go back, finding myself just as confused as this morning, but everything looks a little less bleak.


	19. Chapter 19

I can hear Quinn softly singing along to the radio. Another sign of a true friend – they know all the presets on your car radio by heart and feel completely comfortable changing it to what they want. I look over at her, but I'm not really focused on her. As I watch Lima pass by out the passenger window, my mind is mulling over what else… Britt. For something that I know and understand so well, it's almost funny to me that I can be so confused about her.

She was so mad at me… so mad. Well, at least I'm pretty sure it was at me. It seemed like it was. I know I pushed her too far. Telling her she was beautiful? I don't even know where that came from. I mean, I do know, but since when do I say that stuff? If anyone said that to me, I would probably be weirded out. Someone I was dating, someone I was sleeping with… weird. I would probably Snix at them, just saying. No one does that. That weird stuff happens in the movies… scripted events.

But to me, it wasn't scripted. It wasn't force fed to me. I looked at her, in that moment, so alive and hungry, and it's like I was flashing through every time I've ever seen her like that. She was, and always is, beautiful. You know how sometimes your mind works faster than you know what to do with? And it's always honest, because you don't get the chance to think about it… whatever it's thinking, it just comes out. Like how when I think about Finn, I can't stop the pasty nipple train. Rachel – loudmouth hobbit. Schue – butt chin hair gel baby. They are just there… I don't have to think about it. Thank god… I don't like thinking about Rachel or Finn's pasty nipples.

I shake my head to clear that horrific train wreck of a thought process. Back to what I was trying to get to the bottom of. I didn't hesitate when I looked at B in my bed last night. I know what I wanted and what she wanted, but I was so completely overwhelmed by her that the thoughts just crashed down like cold water. Before I could even comprehend that I needed to be _gag_ chivalrous and turn down this amazing opportunity, I was thinking about how beautiful she is. How her eyes sparkle, even though they turn dark with lust. Her eyebrows pinch together a certain way, leaving adorable creases next to her eyes. Her lips pinch and pucker, but just a bit. So I couldn't stop the train. She was beautiful. My mind was so sure of it that my stupid mouth just took control and spewed that word vomit out. I could never take it back. I made it too real, and she got mad.

But then there's this text. This text that I wasn't supposed to see, obviously, but it's definitely still admissible evidence since this is the court of Santana fucking Lopez, after all. **I'll never stop doing that.** She literally was going to tell her boyfriend that she would never stop cuddling with me. She told him that this morning, when she was apparently mad at me… right? I sigh, audibly. Like I was saying before… for being so crystal clear to me, she's never been more murky.

The text just seemed… raw. I didn't really see it like a best friend thing. I mean, Q is my best friend, too. I wouldn't cuddle with her. But B is a cuddler. That's just her. I've put myself back on that never-ending carousel ride… what is she thinking? What exactly should I do? _Barf._ I answer the question in my head. Stop being a doofus, get coffee with Q, and let it be. She's with Wheels. And mostly, she looks happy. I can't change that… even if I know that I could make her happier. I feel myself breathing deeply, in and out.

"Seriously, S, if that's some kind of Lamaze breathing joke, it isn't funny. That shit hurts, even with the breathing." Q is looking at me sideways. I chuckle. Sometimes I amaze myself with what I come up with without even trying to. "Unless you're breathing like that because your leg hurts… if it's that, then sorry. We're almost there."

"No, it's good. Sorry, I don't know why I was breathing like that." I cringe. Should have made a joke. The material was too funny. She's looking at me again. That weird fucking look where I feel incredibly transparent and naked. I break eye contact and adjust my seatbelt, hoping it will cover my locked up secrets. I feel like Quinn has the key. I really have to learn to keep my shit under wraps. I'm getting messy.

I offer a weak smile toward Q and turn my head to look out the window for the last few blocks. I hear Q talking about a little boutique she wants to check out after, if I'm up for it. She's still chattering about dresses and shoes. I don't think I've ever heard her sound this excited about shopping. I'm kind of excited she can be her own person without her dad involved, and that she's excited to be that person. I love seeing light in her eyes; I'm noticing it more now. She's not down, like she always was before. Not just an empty shell… there's definitely life in there.

I mumble that the boutique sounds awesome as we pull into the Lima Bean parking lot. My head is still not quite all with Quinn. I slide my sunglasses onto my eyes. My leg feels pretty tight. Ice will feel good. Seriously, why am I such a dip? I'm going to be paying for that stupid decision for at least a couple of days, if not longer. _Oh, you're bummed about your situation? Let's run until you can't walk anymore…_ I feel my face pull into a grimace from a combo of pain and anger at myself. I feel Quinn's palm on my shoulder and notice she's almost out the door of the car; she's waiting on me. One more melodramatic sigh, and I'm out the door.

We walk in, and I feel like a top bitch. Being one on one with Quinn tends to do that to people. I mean, I can definitely hold my own, but the way people's heads flip around to stare when you're walking with her? It's kind of exhilarating. It feels like a slow motion commercial. We walk in, and the air conditioning can be immediately felt inside the door. I push my sunglasses up on my head and shake my hair out a little bit. I see Q's eyes scanning to see if she knows anyone. I see a slight head nod to one direction, then I see her eyes pinch in that familiar way I've been seeing them pinch lately. _Dammit._

I turn my head slightly to follow her eyes, expecting to see B sitting on Wheels' lap, playing with his hair or something equally foul. Kissing, touching… _vomit._ Instead, I feel worse than what I was expecting. I feel every fiber in my being flare up, like something was seriously wrong. I can feel irrational anger seeping into my veins, but I'm used to this reaction. I just have to take a second and assess the situation. Being B's self-appointed protector for as long as I have been… it comes with the territory.

B is sitting by herself. Her head is resting in her hand and she is blankly staring into the cup in front of her. This look I haven't seen very often. Her eyes look kind of red rimmed and well… just dead. If you could see them, you would know why I felt so creepy about the whole situation. The deadness in her eyes? Not B. At all. Why would she be here by herself? This is weird as shit.

I scan around the room to look for clues, and I can see that Quinn's head is doing the same. Her head jerks to the far corner of the store, opposite of the door and where B is currently sitting. Artie is sitting next to Finn, who is sitting next to two girls from the Cheerios. They are so obviously trying to flirt that it's ridiculous. Finn has this shit-eating goofy grin on his face that matches his shit-eating polo perfectly. Artie is laughing and telling a story… at least it looks like it, judging by his hand motions. The girls look interested. They also don't look like they would be difficult for either of those two d-bags to pick up. Typical Cheerio. _Well… I did help create that stereotype. _I shake off that train of thought as my head spins back to B. Everything feels like it's in slow motion. She's still there, but I can tell that she really isn't there. I can't tell what Q is doing. Her hand is on my back and she's lightly pushing me towards B. I look at her to see what she wants me to do. She knows that we're kind of sort of in a fight… or whatever the hell that was. So what is she doing? I feel like lately, Q and I have been having these intense conversations where we say everything we need to say without actually speaking. I've never had this connection with anyone but B before. I feel… naked. I know she has no idea what's going on, but sometimes I can't shake the feeling that she somehow gets it.

Q can feel my resistance. B hasn't noticed we're there yet, so we can easily slip away. I'm trying to work out escape routes in my mind… _but one's that involves still getting my caffeine fix._ Q steps closer to me, invading my space. I smell her… lavender, and am immediately reminiscent of vanilla and cinnamon. Funny how your senses can mess you up like that. I feel her voice, close to my ear. "Get your balls out of your mom's purse and go over there, Santana." She pauses for effect. I feel her lick her lips. "I'll have your coffee and some ice outside when you're done." She backs away, but I turn to look at her. Her eyes are kind. Understanding. _How did I get along without her before?_ I blink and nod at her. My feet feel heavy. If I'm the reason for the red or the hurt in Britt's eyes, the last place I want to go is over there. What if I hurt her more? Maybe Q should do this.

I start to turn back to tell her that, but before I can get all the way around, B's sad eyes pull up from her cup and meet mine like a magnet. We could always do that. Find each other in a crowded room. I couldn't break the stare. I was drawn in. B never smiled, but I could see _(and feel) _a spark in her eyes. The connection we had was indescribable, but that was nothing new. It was always like that. I swallowed, and let my feet carry me the rest of the way. She broke the staring contest, and her eyes were back on her coffee cup in front of her.

I sat down across from her. It took everything I had not to touch her in some way. Instead, I put my elbows on the table, clasped my hands, and rested my head on them. I felt my eyes soften in a way only B knows how to make them do. It's like she had some kind of user guide for me that I didn't know existed. "Anything interesting at the bottom of that cup, baby B?" Her eyes pull up to mine. I'm painfully aware of how overwhelmingly sad they look. Like I said, this is ominous. This is definitely not B.

Her eyes flash over to the corner across the store, where they then narrow. I hear Artie's booming laugh and I don't need to turn around to see what B sees. I already know. "I don't like it."

I couldn't quite catch up to what she was saying. I feel my head cock to the side, and I ponder her words for a second. Sometimes you just have to hit replay when you talk with B. She makes perfect sense always. It's just me that misses how the dots connect.

I look into her coffee cup and realize what she's talking about. From the looks of it, she's got black coffee in that cup. It's still steaming hot, so I realize she hasn't been here long. Similarly, the cup is also pretty full. "B…" I softly say. "That's because you don't like black coffee. Why'd you get that?"

She looks at me with those eyes again, and my gut feels all wrenchy. "Artie got it for me. He said he knew what I liked. It's hazelnut flavored." Her voice sounds sad. The worst part? I know she's been trying to force herself to like it. She would sit here until the cup was empty, just to make him happy. But I also know she would be sitting there all damn day because she hates black coffee that much. I reach across the table and put my hands around hers that are holding the cup. It wasn't for long, just for a few seconds. I tried to do another one of those… this is everything that I'm feeling, please understand… touches. It took her a few seconds to meet my eyes, but I wouldn't let her break the look once she did. "I gotchu, baby B. Always remember the day I saved the princess' coffee." With a wink and a doofy bow, I squeezed her hands, grabbed the cup, and brought it to the counter where the creamer and sugar was. I doctored it up just how she liked it, down to the little bit of cinnamon she likes to add, and stirred it up. I didn't even need to taste it to know she was going to love it. I could tell by the color of the coffee.

I set it down in front of her and she immediately went to try it. Again, my hands were on hers, holding her back. "Slow down, B. It's hot." She smiled at me. It wasn't as pained as it was before, and it certainly wasn't forced. Her eyes crinkle up in that cute way where I know she's actually happy. I didn't really notice my hands were still covering hers. She's blowing on the coffee. I watch her eyes cross as she stares at the moving liquid, watching as her breath creates a ripple.

After a few moments, I softly drag my thumbs across the backs of her hands to let her know its safe to try. I rest my hands on the table near hers. They're almost still touching. I just wanted (_needed)_ to be close to her. I watch as she grabs the cup with both hands and takes a sip. I can still see the happiness in her eyes. "Seriously, S, it's like a Disney movie. How did you make this into something totally different? It's like, good now." She keeps drinking, and I can't help but chuckle.

"Simple, B. Just gotta know the princess." She meets my eyes again as she drinks. I don't know if she got what I was saying there. Like… your stupid boyfriend doesn't know you don't like black coffee? That's like him not knowing how to spell your last name or what color your eyes are. I wanted to tell her that, but I couldn't. Wouldn't. She was happy. She sets the cup back down and links our pinkies together. I feel my heart swell. I also feel like everything has been forgiven… which reminds me, there was something to be forgiven for.

I bring my head towards B across the table, just a little closer. "I'm sorry for last night. I didn't mean to say that… it was probably weird." My voice drops off and the end and my head dips low. B's got kind of a confused look on her face, and I know she wants to ask a question. Of course, we're interrupted.

"What kind of frou frou stuff did you put in that coffee? I thought we were going to share it?" My hands retract like they were scalded. I bring my head up and whip it to the side to see Artie standing there with Finn… _still complete with a doofy ass smile on his face._ Finn waves at me. I ignore him. _What a fucking cheap ass… he bought them a black coffee… to share. _I start to count to ten before I even have to. How is he dating B?

B's desperately trying to make eye contact with me again. When she realizes it isn't going to happen, her eyes turn down and she turns to talk to Artie. "Santana made it better. It was like magic." Artie smirks at her and responds. "Well, now it's like, gross." He was mocking her. And my sweet innocent B didn't get it. "Sorry, Artie. I can get another one if you want." He kind of cocked his head at her and started talking to Finn about Call of Duty. I didn't even realize I had stood up, but I was slowly stepping away from the table. _11, 12, 13… _I would have to count to fifty.

I met her eyes now. The sadness was back, and I could see it was on her mouth; she just wanted to talk to me. To say something to me. I stepped away from the table towards the patio. I tried to scream my apology with my eyes. As I was walking away, I felt her eyes on my back. And an extra weight in my purse. I stopped, pulled her cell phone out of my purse, and opened the conversation I had read this morning. I knew she was still watching me… like I said before, I can feel her eyes on me from across a crowded room. From my peripheral vision, I can see her head cock to the side, but I know she won't say anything. She's staring at me. Trusting me.

I pull up the draft and read it again. **I'll never stop doing that. **I could hit send now. Make my situation indefinitely better… but make hers so much worse. My fingers move swiftly over the keys. **Then don't. Because I'll never stop either. **I read it over and over again, standing in the middle of the fucking Lima Bean in Lima, Ohio. Now or never. It's always been in my hands. Time to do something with it. To her, it may just mean cuddling. To me, it means everything.

I click the screen lock button with my finger, and feel the weight of the phone in my hand. I sigh, just a little bit. I notice the air sounds kind of shaky coming out. _Jesus, Lopez, man up._ I meet her eyes. She's still looking at me. It's like the commotion of the world outside is separate from us. All I feel and hear is quiet. With our eyes locked, I set the phone down slowly on the counter next to the creamer I just performed a magical miracle with. I let my hand linger on it for a second before I broke the stare and walked out of the Lima Bean to the patio where Quinn was waiting.


End file.
